Mar 26 2009 No Joke: Conficker C Virus Coming April 1st

That's right folks, a beefed up version of the Conficker virus, Conficker C is scheduled to wreak havoc on April 1st. Your grandparents may think it's just a joke, but it's no joke -- this is real life, son!

What's known so far is that on April 1, all infected computers will come under the control of a master machine located somewhere across the web, at which point anything's possible. Will the zombie machines become denial of service attack pawns, steal personal information, wipe hard drives, or simply manifest more traditional malware pop-ups and extortion-like come-ons designed to sell you phony security software? No one knows.

Conficker is clever in the way it hides its tracks because it uses an enormous number of URLs to communicate with HQ. The first version of Conficker used just 250 addresses each day -- which security researchers and ICANN simply bought and/or disabled -- but Conficker C will up the ante to 50,000 addresses a day when it goes active, a number which simply can't be tracked and disabled by hand.

Well, just like I did in preparation for the Y2K bug, I'm building a rocketship and blasting off into outerspace before the damage is done. Now you may be asking yourself, "self, what the hell is he still doing here if he really blasted off into outerspace?" And the answer, my friends, is none of your business (read: I'm collecting earth women for the trip). Ladies? Freeze-dried ice cream!

Beware Conficker worm come April 1 [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ashely and Xeta, who aren't worried about the virus because they don't use computers. It's true, they sent their tips snail mail and only read Geekologie telepathically.

Nov 25 2008 Robot Soldiers Will Kill Your Ass Dead

Soon, robot soldiers will kill you. But, if it makes you feel any better, some people think they'll be acting more ethically than humans.

"My research hypothesis is that intelligent robots can behave more ethically in the battlefield than humans currently can," said Ronald C. Arkin, a computer scientist at Georgia Tech, who is designing software for battlefield robots under contract with the Army. "That's the case I make."

He and others say that the technology to make lethal autonomous robots is inexpensive and proliferating, and that the advent of these robots on the battlefield is only a matter of time. That means, they say, it is time for people to start talking about whether this technology is something they want to embrace. "The important thing is not to be blind to it," Dr. Arkin said. Noel Sharkey, a computer scientist at the University of Sheffield in Britain, wrote last year in the journal Innovative Technology for Computer Professionals that "this is not a 'Terminator'-style science fiction but grim reality."

Not 'Terminator'-style science fiction my ass! We're all freaking dead man. And the last thing I need is captain crazy pants there in the picture programming killer robots. I mean, Jesus, look at that wood paneling.

Hit the link below for a nice long article that made me pee my pants a little. Okay, a lot.

A Soldier, Taking Orders From Its Ethical Judgment Center [nytimes]

Thanks to Downey and Daniel, both of whom can kill robots in their sleep.

Feb 12 2008 I Really, Really Mean It: Formal Apologies

Sometimes saying you're sorry just isn't enough. For those times come these Formal Apology Notices. You just fill in a few blanks, check some checkboxes, and ta-da -- you're forgiven (hopefully). Unfortunately they didn't work for me. In retrospect I probably should have filled them out instead of just giving a handful of blank ones to my girlfriend, but it's the thought that counts right? Well it turns out the thought she had was that I wanted her to apologize for something. So you know what she did? She punched me. A lot. I got a Formal Apology Notice the next day.

It has come to my attention that my action of knocking you the f*** out could be seen as hurtful. I never intended to not kill you. I want you to understand that I was merely trying to finally put you down so I could move out with my lover, though I can see now that it may appear that I was just trying to hurt you. Please accept my un-heartfelt apology. Moving forward, I will attempt to kill you for real next time. That said, I would very much appreciate it if you would just do it yourself already you pathetic loser. Sincerely, your soon to be ex-girlfriend.

She's such a card, she so loves me.

An Official Apology [electroplankton]