Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster
Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.
The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.
The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.
I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.
Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.
Nov 3 2008 British Boy Legally Changes Name To 'Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined'
A 19-year old British kid legally changed his name from George Garratt to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Because, WTF, you only live once, right? Just kidding, this is my second go around.
"I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."
He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter."A spokesman from The Legal Deed Poll Service, said: "We get so many outrageous name changes that these days it barely fazes us, but when this one was brought to my attention I knew there was something special about it."
Oh there's something special about it all right. Listen, Superman and The Flash are the only fast ones out of the bunch, so tacking on all those others is only increasing overall speed incrementally (and the time it takes to write your name exponentially). Snap -- your name just got learned, Captain Fantarded! Also, you're 19-years old man, come the f*** on.
Teenager's new name is fantastic [bbcnews]
Thanks to Chris, who wants to change his name to Captain Kickass Planet, and totally should.
Aug 20 2008 Travel In Comfort With The Tiddy Bear
This is a commercial for the inappropriately named Tiddy Bear. It's a $15 stuffed booby bear that attaches to your seatbelt's shoulder strap and prevents it from cutting into your skin. But the commercial is funny because *snicker* every time they say "Tiddy" it sounds like "titty" -- and they say it a whole bunch! WAHAHAHAH! *wiping tear* Holy shit, I'm eight.
Thanks Lauren and Aaron, I've always wanted to stoop to a new low.
Mar 26 2008 Canoflauge Can Covers Hide Your Beer
Canoflauge can covers are made out of vinyl and printed to look like soda cans. You just wrap one around a cold beer, and presto, time to drink in public. I think they could have done a little better with the names, but whatever, you'll have your hand around it anyways. The (reusable) set of four costs $5.89. Mine arrived this morning, so I'll take a stroll around town and let you know how they work.
UPDATE: I was out of beer so I just stuck two of them on a bottle of Jagermeister. It wasn't very convincing, a cop on a Segway arrested me. Someone please post bail. No rush though, I think my cell-mate is a personal trainer and we're going to do some exercising. Great guy, said he's really gonna give my ass a workout.
Canoflauge: This Isn't Beer Officer, It's a Refreshing Can of Skunkpiss [gizmodo]
Thanks to Bianca, who has one of my favorite names, for the tip
