Jul 20 2009 EATR Robot NOT Designed To Eat Dead Bodies, Or, How A Company Backpedals
Cyclone Power Technologies, the company behind the Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot (EATR), denies that it was designed to dine on human corpses. Obviously, they're lying through their oil-stained, robot loving teeth.
"We completely understand the public's concern about futuristic robots feeding on the human population, but that is not our mission," said Harry Schoell, CEO of Cyclone Power Technologies. "We are focused on demonstrating that our engines can create usable, green power from plentiful, renewable plant matter."
Let me tell you a little personal story: I used to be vegetarian. Now I eat the hell out of some meat. Draw your own conclusion.
Darpa's Self-Feeding Sentry Robot is Not a Man-Eater, Company Protests [popsci]
Thanks to Rodger and Charles, who know what the future holds because they both have crystal balls. Be careful bicycling, guys.
Apr 30 2009 Scientists Create Chemical Gel That Moves On It's Own, Will Power Our Future Overlords
Some foolish Japanese scientists have developed a chemical compound capable of moving on it's own. They're convinced it's the stuff future robots will be made of. I'm convinced I just let one loose in my pants.
A group of Japanese roboticists, led by Shingo Maeda at the Shuji Hashimoto applied physics laboratory at Waseda University, have created a chemical gel capable of independent motion, similar to that of a caterpillar.
Using a process that combines polymers, the material not only moves on its own, but also can change colors and can be used to perform calculations. According to the scientists involved in the project the morphable material could even one day be used as components of a future robot, thus making the notion of the incredibly scary Terminator T-1000 a real possibility.
That's....terrible news. WTF, ROBOTICISTS? Roboticists shouldn't even be a real thing. If I close my eyes and say, "roboticists don't exist" three times they should all disappear, right? Okay, *covering eyes* "roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist, roboticists don't exist". There *uncovering eyes* HOLY SHIT -- BLOODY MARY, AAAAAAAAHHH!
Hit the jump for a video of a miniature T-1000 in action.
Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal
Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.
Oh Hell No [tinypic]
Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.
Dec 7 2008 Wait, What?: Medical Handgun Coming Soon
The Palm Pistol is a single-shot firearm aimed (!) at folks who may have trouble shooting a regular gun and probably shouldn't be anyways. The company behind the weapon hopes to have it classified as a medical device for the elderly and people with arthritis. Holy shit.
"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms in Maplewood, New Jersey, which hopes to manufacture the Palm Pistol - now just a patent and specifications. "The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says.
Wow, now I want a medical ninja sword.
Ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier.
Point and shoot couldn't be easier. More like point and shooting yourself in the freaking leg (aka Plaxicoing) couldn't be easier. Seriously though, my grandpa has arthritis and lives in a bad part of the assisted living facility, I'm getting him one.
UPDATE: Right, Alzheimer's -- the old coot shot me!
Company tries to get gun classed as medical device [newscientist]
Thanks to Spikey and Bordmanator, who only fire headshots.
Aug 7 2008 Giant Trackball: Ass-Assisted PC Peripheral
The Backball Chair is actually a giant trackball you can use to control a computer. Designed by Interaction Architecture, it was "specifically intended for use in public spaces like airports." Of course, because that makes perfect sense. Seriously, why use a mouse when you can roll your ass right off a giant trackball. Talk about a time-saver. Seriously though, I liked the idea enough to build one out of my spare testicle. My roommate just finished giving it a whirl, and I'm hoping for some positive feedback. So buddy, what'd you thi....WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SKID MARKS ON MY TRACKBALL?
Backball chair lets you mouse by the seat of your pants [engadget]
Jun 9 2008 Uh-Oh: Robot Achieves Self-Replication
Self-replication is the third sign of an imminent robot takeover according to The Book Of The Robot Apocalypse, a novella I just wrote and which only contains that sentence. Well RepRap is a 3-D printer that is capable of replicating itself. Sort of.
Technophobes needn't run for the hills just yet. The replicating rapid-prototyper, or "RepRap", can only reproduce its plastic parts, not its metal or electronic components. And assembling it is an afternoon's work for a human being, says Adrian Bowyer, the University of Bath mechanical engineer who launched the RepRap project in 2004.
Okay, I didn't read all that but I did catch something about running for the hills, which I'm totally doing after this post. I suggest you come with me or get started on a robot-proof bunker of you own. But under no circumstances should you try banging your vacuum to produce a robot-fighting cyborg. I know it sounds like a solid plan, but trust me, it isn't. And if you're not going to heed my warning and must try anyways, at least listen to this: when you do get stuck (and you will), cut off as much of the hose as you safely can before going to the hospital. A foot of vacuum hose you can hide, but you show up trailing an entire shop-vac between your legs and the hospital staff will suspect something. Like that you're a pervert and your penis is stuck in the vacuum.
Dawn of the self replicating-machine [newscientisttech]
and
The Official RepRap Blog
Thanks to Byard and Eric, who both know that the only good self-replicating robot is a dead self-replicating robot
Apr 23 2008 Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work
These pants were designed by Erik De Nijs and are cleverly called "Beauty and the Geek" jeans. I see no beauty, just a kid that looks like he's playing with himself.
Built into the knees are a pair of crotch rocking speakers, around the back you have the added convenience of a back pocket for your "mouse", and for you gamers, there is a joystick controller located just behind the front zipper.
Wow, joystick behind the zipper. Didn't see that coming. I swear, these are the most ridiculous pair of peripheral pants I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot. I've even tried a few pairs, and no matter what, they're awkward as hell to use at work. Hold on.
"No Josh, you can't type another email to accounting. They're right down the freaking hall, just go talk to them. Oh what the hell, but this is the last time. Hey Mary, you got anything you need to type after Josh is done here? Got your own keyboard, huh? Well, if it ever breaks or goes missing, look no further -- than my crotch! HAHA, gotcha! No but seriously, that doesn't count as sexual harassment."
A bunch more pictures of the ridiculousness after the jump.
Continue Reading " Keyboard Pants: Type Your Way To Excitement, Trouble At Work "
Feb 29 2008 Joke Sound Boxes Are Highly Questionable
Remember when the electronic whoopee cushion came out? How hilarious was that? It wasn't was it? No, it sure wasn't. Well following in the footsteps come these Prankster Sound Boxes. They're $10 light sensitive boxes that begin making their annoying sound when it's dark. You can choose from dripping water or barking dog. You know, this reminds me of the office prank I pulled a few weeks ago. What I did was fill the metal tube on my coworker's desk chair with raw shrimp. Slowly they started rotting and he couldn't figure out where the smell was coming from! It was hilarious until he figured it out. I wish you could have seen the look on his face when he finally finished beating the shit out of me. Priceless.
Annoying Light Sensitive Sound Box [7gadgets]
Jan 31 2008 Hitch Hands Are Utterly Ridiculous, OMG
I know what you're thinking -- there's no way a product can top the swinging testicles in the "stupid truck accessories" department. Well making a valiant effort is the Hitch Hand. It's a $40 hand that mounts on your truck hitch. You can form it to make such hilarious gestures as "the finger" and "the shocker". Oh my god if I had been old enough to drive in 8th grade this thing would have been the shit.
Hitch Hands Website complete with dumb ass questions section
Thanks to Kelly, who knows a classy product when she sees one, for the tip
Jan 23 2008 Roadkill Cooker: The Exhaust Burger Grill
You stuff the one of the open ends of the Exhaust Burger into your tailpipe, and then drive around while the heat of your exhaust cooks a burger. I know exactly what you're thinking -- "why didn't I think of that?". I'll admit I was a little miffed I didn't come up with it either. It was actually designed by an Iranian team (amazing it took a team of people to develop and not just one drunk scribbling on a bar napkin) and no fumes actually come in contact with your burger (allegedly). The hot exhaust fumes just warm up the metal to cook the meat. However it looks like it only heats one side, so you may have to stop at a gas station and flip you meat. Now I've heard of cooking on a hot engine before, but never cooking by exhaust. And I must say, I think this invention is a glimpse of a very bright future. And by 'bright future' I mean what the hell is the matter with these people.
Another picture of the device installed in a tailpipe after the jump.
Continue Reading " Roadkill Cooker: The Exhaust Burger Grill "
Jan 11 2008 Screw The World: Styrofoam Furniture
Kwangho Lee is an artist who decided to make a couch out of Styrofoam. As you can see it looks, uh, like a couch ripped out of a huge block of Styrofoam. He made it by molding large sheets of the stuff together, allegedly from a recycled source. I’m moved, and I really think it makes a powerful statement. A statement about how freaking stupid a couch made out of Styrofoam is. It would be easy to lift though, and Styrofoam does get warmer the longer you sit on it. But it's not worth it. Besides, I already have a couch made out of Styrofoam. Well, it's more just a pile of the old school Big Mac containers McDonalds used to use. But you could sit in them if you really wanted. Did I mention they smell like complete shit? Because they do. I think there may be some decade-old burgers rotting in there somewhere.
Two more pictures of Styrofoam seating after the jump.
Jan 8 2008 The 5 Friend MP3 Player Headphone Splitter
Well it looks like I'll be living vicariously though others' posts of the CES due to my wife being a cheapskate and pissing our money away on stupid stuff like "the mortgage" and "food" instead of buying me a plane ticket like a responsible woman would. Up next from the show: the Belkin Rockstar, a headphone splitter that lets you plug up to 5 sets into one MP3 player. The thing comes out in March and will go for right around $20. Why it's called the Rockstar is kind of a mystery to me, unless it's because the thing is star shaped. Because I'm pretty sure real rockstars can each afford their own damn MP3 player. Still a handy device though if you need something for pumping sweet Michael Bolton tunes to the participants in your next circle jerk. Which, I might add, I have never participated in. There were only three of us so it was more a triangle than a circle. Ah, dorm life.
Rockstar MP3 player headphone splitter draws a crowd [dvice]
Dec 28 2007 German Poontang Juice Is Horrible Smelling
Some crazy German company makes a product called Vulva that smells like a woman's nether-regions. You take the glass vial, give it a shake, and then rub some on the back of your hand. They sent a free sample and I must say I'm actually getting sick while I write this. Currently the original scent is the only one available, but Eighteen and Exotic scents are coming soon. One vial runs about $29 and is disgusting. Yep, I'm puking in my mouth. Geez, I can't believe I even managed to type all this. Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the back of my hand before I get any sicker. Wait, the dog is licking it. Oh the humanity.
Official Website - WARNING: VERY NSFW but features a must see video when you're in the comfort of your own home.
A big thanks (I think) to Miles for the very disturbing tip
Dec 17 2007 Bomb Piggy Bank Explodes If You Don't Save
Japanese toy maker TOMY released a piggy bank that explodes if you don't put coins in it on a daily basis. Once you put batteries in the annoying bastard it beeps on an hourly basis (read: not suitable for bedroom/anywhere indoors) to remind you to feed it. It costs about $27 and is a terrible idea unless you don't put batteries in it and really just want a bomb-shaped piggy bank. Then it's okay I guess. But let's be honest, who the hell saves money these days anyway? If for any reason I do have any unspent doubloons at the end of the week (rarely) I run straight to the strip club. Sure the dancers hate dimes and nickels, but they do pay attention to quarters -- but mostly just to make sure you're not winging them at their head anymore.
Big in Japan: Exploding piggy bank helps you save money [gadling]
thanks to Steven, who doesn't throw money at strippers, for the tip
Dec 17 2007 Canned Air - For Huffers And Other Deviates
I love huffing model airplane glue as much as the next guy, but this product is ridiculous. Big Ox is canned oxygen that comes in flavors like Citrus Blast, Mountain Mint, Polar Rush, and Tropical Breeze. Each 3.5 gram can of "power oxygen" costs $9.99 and will guarantee you a seat in the principal's office if you bring it to school. I remember when oxygen bars were all the rage, and I never thought they were cool. And neither is someone hunched over on the bus with a bottle of Big Ox in their face. What is cool you ask? Doing whipits at the grocery store with the whip cream cans. Fun, free, and classy.
Dec 10 2007 Not A Good Idea: Tick Tock Timebomb Clock
The Tick Tock Timebomb Clock looks like a bunch of trinitrotoluene sticks wrapped together with a detonator (which is actually a little analog clock). It doesn't seem like a good idea. Especially not to ship to anyone or take on an airplane. Thankfully it's only a conceptual prototype from demented artist Mark A. Regelman II. Hopefully if it reaches market it'll undergo a design change and look less like a bomb and more like a Hello Kitty Clock.
this clock is dyn-o-mite! [technabob]
Dec 10 2007 New Wine Holder Necklace Lacks Class
The Wine Holder Necklace costs $25 for two and holds a regular sized stemmed glass with a stupid looking lanyard.
Keep your hands free at parties by keeping your wine close at heart! This clever little clip with adjustable strap holds a regular-size stemmed glass to your chest, giving you the freedom to snack and socialize as you sip!
They failed to mention that it helps you achieve the look of a total freaking idiot. I will admit though: when I get drunk I do tend to forget where I left my drink. At a holiday party over the weekend I ended up accusing the host of hiding it from me and punched him in the teeth. Turns out it was in my other hand the whole time! Silly me.
Wine Glass Holder Necklace, Keeping Your Wine Close At Heart [uberreview]
Dec 3 2007 U.S. Patent 6,681,419: Urinal Headrest
U.S. Patent 6,681,419 describes a headrest to be installed above urinals so when you're pass-out drunk you can still piss without falling over. It's ridiculous. And judging from the picture it's just the thing for people with only one arm and no legs beneath their knees. Now if you can't even stand up straight long enough to take a piss I question why you're still at the bar. I guarantee you're only hitting on ugly women (and possibly dudes). It's best to just leave. That said, I want these installed at my local watering hole. Except above the deep-fryer, because that's where I tend to go when I'm plastered.
Great Invention Idea? Toilet Headrest Steadies You in Your Hour of Need [inventorspot]
thanks to Ben Hur, who can pee through walls, for the tip
Nov 29 2007 Tow Hitch For Your LCD/Plasma Television
From the "Why God, why?" department comes a tow hitch for your truck that you can attach a flat-screen TV to. The thing costs $200, and I can't help but feel that it's money ill-spent. Even if the television does survive the drive to your tailgate without getting hit by a rock or being rear-ended -- what happens when you're in the stadium watching the game? I'll tell you what happens: I pull up next to your truck and unscrew my new flat-screen, compliments of you. I also take any remaining beers or liquor you have lying around. Thanks moron.
Tow Hitch TV Mount [boingboing]
Nov 28 2007 USB Hub Has Cup Warmer, Slow Connectivity
The Brando 'USB Cup Warmer with USB Hub and Clock' costs $24 and is jam-packed with features like, well, all those listed in the product's title. It also has a readout for the current temperature of the warming plate. All this and 4 USB 1.1 ports! Wait, 1.1? I was sold up until that point. You have to be careful with Brando. It seems they just take old parts, throw them in a box, shake it real good, and presto, new product! Next thing you know they'll be releasing the 'Brando Webcam with 5.25" Floppy Drive and 14.4 kbps Modem'.
Worst USB Gadget Yet: Coffee Warmer Hub Clock [therawfeed]
