Oct 23 2009 Man Pleads Guilty In La-Z-Boy DWI Case

62-year old Dennis Anderson of Bumfunk, Minnesota was arrested last year for drunkenly driving his motorized La-Z-Boy into a parked car. Anderson's blood alcohol content was 0.29, which is impressive for a sexagenarian, but if mine falls below that I start to feel sick.

Anderson's customized vehicle, seen in the police evidence photos on the following pages, is powered by an eight horsepower Kohler lawnmower engine, and has a stereo, headlights, a built-in cup holder, and a "Hell Yeah It's Fast" bumper sticker. The ride, however, does not have a seat belt. Anderson, pictured above, controlled the La-Z-Boy via a steering wheel protruding from its seat cushion. The vehicle's headrest was adorned with the logo of the National Hot Rod Association. Following his guilty plea, Anderson was sentenced to 180 days in jail and ordered to pay a $2000 fine. A judge stayed Anderson's jail term in lieu of his successful completion of a two-year supervised probation term.

First of all, I can't believe it doesn't have a pop-out leg rest. And secondly, I can't believe it doesn't have a built in cooler. Where the hell was Anderson getting all the beers? And don't tell me a beer tree because I'mma rent a backhoe and uproot that tree. I wanna know where the beer at. I want the beer. Gimme the beer -- I want the beer.

Man Pleads To La-Z-Boy DWI [smoking gun]

Thanks to Closet Nerd, Occasional Reader, Kevin, B-Rad and Lord Tarl, who would have been smart enough to kick up the leg rest (because they would have built theirs with leg rests) and nap it off.

Jul 14 2009 Great: EATR Robot Feeds On Dead Bodies

Well we've already seen robots that can feed on organic matter, and now, an even scarier one. Wait, does that say chainsaw?

Robotic Technology Inc.'s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot -- that's right, "EATR" -- "can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable," reads the company's Web site.

That "biomass" and "other organically-based energy sources" wouldn't necessarily be limited to plant material -- animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they'd be plentiful in a war zone.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! I'm okay, I'm okay. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! No I'm not. Hold me. Lower. Little lower. Lower. What?! THIS COULD BE OUR LAST NIGHT ALIVE!

Upcoming Military Robot Could Feed on Dead Bodies [foxnews]

Thanks to everyone who sent this in. No, really, thanks -- I hate sleeping. WITH YOUR SISTER! (snores)

Jul 1 2009 Great: Japan Plans Another Giant Robot Statue

Japan,

You know I love you. I love your sushi and your weird sexual fetishes. But what's up with the robot thing, bro? That shit ain't right. First Gundam and now a 59-foot Tetsujin 28-go (Gigantor)? I mean, I'm worried about you. One minute I'm in a diaper being spanked by a geisha (enjoying myself) and the next thing you know, BOOM, let's built a permanent giant robot statue in Kobe. Needless to say, I'm gonna have to reevaluate our relationship.

I hope we can work this out,

Your Geekologie Writer

P.S. Some more worn schoolgirl panties may help sway my decision.

Hit the jump for a 'making of' video.

Continue Reading " Great: Japan Plans Another Giant Robot Statue "

Jun 22 2009 Girl Electrocutes Herself Tweeting In Bathtub

Following in the trend of tweeting from the bathroom, a 17-year old Romanian girl died while apparently trying to Twitter from the tub (this new loofah feels great!).

The Austrian times says that Maria Barbu was, in fact, in the tub while using Twitter when she likely reached to plug in her charger with a wet hand, electrocuting herself in the process.

As much fun as I do want to make of Maria, you really can't blame her. Women understanding electricity? BWHAHAH AHAH HA HA! God, I needed that.

Girl Dies by Electrocution While Twitting in Bathtub, Apocalypse Draws Nearer [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who once showered with a toaster but the bread got all soggy.

Jun 19 2009 Over The Line!: Road Sign Hacked In DC

Apparently somebody hacked a couple DC traffic signs to say dirty words. In case you were wondering, there's a UC missing in the first line and an ALL in the third. Some people, no class.

If you think your commute can be offensive, you should have been driving northbound on the Virginia side of the Key Bridge Thursday morning.

It appeared that someone hacked into an electronic sign near the Rosslyn exit for the Key Bridge and posted an inappropriate message.

Another sign at Chain Bridge Road and the GW Parkway had a similar message but was turned off earlier.

Oh hell yeah GW Parkway. I OWN YOUR ROADZ! You hear that, George Washington -- it's mine now. Put that in your cherry pipe and smoke it!

Hackers steer commuters toward offensive sign [wtop]

Thanks to Zekcus, who hacked a Circus of Values vending machine in Bioshock to stop making that scary laugh.

Jun 13 2009 Robot Hunts For Outlets, Steals Electricity

PR2 is a robot that can hunt down power outlets to recharge its own battery. Why it even exists is beyond me. Thankfully, I just jammed forks into all my electric outlets, so if he tries stealing my power, he's in for a real shock (!).

This particular run had our PR2 alpha robot navigate through eight doors, and plug its power cord into nine outlets. In this video, you can see the various challenges our robot faced, such as a crowded office environment and the abrupt appearance of a human obstacle. We nearly sabotaged the run early on. Folks around the office were eager to track the progress of the robot, so many people ran their own monitoring programs on the PR2. This caused an increase in CPU load, starving the navigation software. Nonetheless, the robot was able to continue with the run, albeit more slowly and cautiously.

Okay, so I've formulated a plan. I'm going to lure this bastard out in the open with a power strip, and then, right before he inserts his genitalia, I'M GONNA CHOP IT OFF WITH A LASER BEAM! Cut off from his power supply, PR2 will slowly die while neighborhood children throw rocks at it him I swing his severed junk around like a lasso.

Milestone 2 Reached! Now You Can Watch It [willowgarage]

Thanks to Jeremy, who once broke a child's toy robot and made the boy cry. Trust me, Jeremy, he'll thank you later.

May 12 2009 Not For The Faint: Robots Beating The Ever Living Hell Out Of Crash Test Dummies

This is some really disturbing footage from the German Aerospace Center's Institute of Robotics and Mechtronics (soon be known as a pile of rubble. Minions -- attack!) showing robots beating the ever living hell out of crash test dummies. FOR FUN. WHILE SOME SICKOS LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND. Allegedly the experiments were conducted in an attempt to help make robots safer, but guess what -- THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SAFE ROBOT. Just sayin', my roommate lost three toes to a Roomba and can now only walk in circles.

Robots crash into dummies, identify human weaknesses [engadget]

Thanks to billcollider, Chase is First, Barry, Nelson and Wout, who have each taken out like 40 robots and even dated a few long term. You guys make me sick.

Apr 26 2009 Princess Leia Pulled Over For Drunk Driving

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides it's of a bunch of Princess Leias having a pillow fight and God has bestowed me with the power of awesomeness. But no need to thank me folks, I did it for myself. So anyway, Darth Vader's daughter just got pulled over for drunk driving.

Police found the mother-of-two Dodds, 28, dressed in white robes with plaited hair, while her husband was wearing robes. "She was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband as Luke Skywalker and they found it was a bit embarrassing to walk the streets of Murton dressed in their costumes.

When breathalysed she was more than twice over the legal drink driving limit.

Magistrates banned Dodds from driving for 20 months, fined her £255 and ordered her to pay £60 in costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Dear. Mrs Dodds (aka the woman who likes to get drunk and dress as Princess Leia, aka the woman of my dreams),

Firstly: if you were my girl, you would never have to drive drunk, because I have droids for that shit. Secondly: I can't believe your husband (aka Luke Failwalker) didn't even have the decency to Force choke and/or mind trick the arresting officer. You, princess, are running with the wrong Jedi. Marry Me?

Yours,

Obi Won Geekologie

Woman dressed as Princess Leia of Star Wars stopped for drink driving [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who once ran over his neighbor's cat on a speeder bike but it was okay because speeder bikes float.

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Apr 19 2009 Robotic Penguins Attack From Sea AND Sky

Festo, a company that doesn't give two shits whether we all die at the hands of robots, is back on their robotic animal kick, this time with robo-penguins. Yeah, and to make matters worsethe tuxedoed bastards can now attack from both sea AND sky. You only need to watch the first 2:00 of the video to see the penguins, then it goes on to showcase a robotic hand and robotic wall. Yeah, you heard me, a robotic wall. I've heard of some pretty sick things in my day, but that might just take the cake. And speaking of which -- which one of you jerkbags ate the last piece?

If embedded player goes down go HERE to watch the video.

Thanks to Dylan, Azghul and nerdilicious, who all wear robot-penguin coats because they're classy.

Apr 3 2009 Uh-Oh, They Don't Need Us: Robot Scientist Makes Own Discoveries Without Human Help

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you thought yesterday's fire-breathing robot-baby was bad, you're in for a real treat. Adam, a robot scientist, has officially "discovered new scientific knowledge independently of a human operator." Run for the hills folks, and I'm not even kidding.

The device has already identified the role of several genes in yeast cells, and has the ability to plan further experiments to test its own hypotheses. Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."

Yeah, too bad this robotic bastard is gonna trump all the human scientists. How long until a robot receives a Nobel prize -- two, three years? Then what -- what's the next big discovery?

A: That humans are dispensable.*

*This answer based entirely on The Geekologie Writer's own speculation and ability to see the future when he's high. Also, it might be the booze talking, but it's totally not (it is). YOU ROBASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *pew pew*

Thanks to bum master, Chris, Jake, Joemo, Katie, Phil, Austin, Dan, Tank, Adrian, Harrison, two different Jons, Jay, Milkman, adam, Martyn and Charks, who obviously don't care if I have nightmares. Thanks a lot, dicks.

Apr 2 2009 Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World

When I'm right, I'm right. And I was right. This is what death looks like.

Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area.

Well folks, it's been fun. *guzzling booze and Amoxicillin*

UPDATE: Am I dead? My tummy hurts.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the last thing you'll ever see.

Continue Reading " Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World "

Mar 27 2009 Aaaahh!: They're After Our Children, Elderly

Just like lions attack in the wild, robots are planning on taking out the weakest of our proverbial herd first. Namely, children and old folks. All thanks to a little service class robot named ApriAttenda, by Toshiba.

At just one meter tall, the robot can open doors, handle trays and drinks and comes equipped with cameras in its three-fingered hands. The robot is expected to join the ranks of day care and nursing robots being designed to meet the needs of the graying populace. Shown above is the ApriAttenda being trained by one of the humans it will soon replace.

Yeah, soon replace with bloody stumps! You can't fool me, Toshiba. I don't care how googly its eyes are, that is a trained killing machine if I've ever seen one. And trust me -- I stare at one in the mirror everyday. *flexing* UH! You like this pose? Well check out *MEEEOOOOOW!* Oh God, stepped on the cat.

ApriAttenda robot updated to nurse your elders and monitor your offspring [dvice]

Mar 13 2009 Avon Selling The Resident Evil T-Virus

So apparently Avon is selling the T-virus to unsuspecting women who want fuller, plumper looking faces. Little do they know they're gonna get just the opposite!

First from Avon: injectable-grade facial filler. A skin care breakthrough! Fullness perfected, not injected!* Dramatic results for dramatically less! Super concentrated serum.** 3x the level of injectable-grade hyaluronic acid for dramatic filling & plumping.*** In just 3 days, begins to reduce the look of deep folds. In 2 weeks, 82% of women saw more youthful fullness in the cheek area.**** In 4 weeks, dramatically reduces the look of deep facial folds and hollowness.

In 5 weeks, you're a zombie and the GW has to take your head off with a shotgun because he won't put up any of your 'NAR NAR BRAINS' zombie bombie bullshit. PEW PEW, Avon, PEW PEW.

Product Site
and
Avon's Derma-Full Totally Looks Like The T-virus [totallylookslike]

Thanks to gordon and residentistEVIL, who called in Rad to the power of Sick today and rushed out to pick up Resident Evil 5.

Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong

Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.

Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....

MEDIC!

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]

Mar 11 2009 They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute

Have kids? Well you won't for long if Saya, the robot substitute, has her way. The harbinger of death is allegedly multilingual, capable of calling roll, reading, and assigning work from textbooks. Also, scaring the shit out of your children.

Behind her latex face -- modeled on a university student -- 18 motors create expressions including happiness, surprise, fear, disgust, sadness and even anger.

Saya will start teaching after passing a trial term at a Tokyo primary.

Her creator, science professor Hiroshi Kobayashi, had been working on the robot for 15 years.

Wow, robotic substitutes -- what will they think of next? Robotic cafeteria ladies? That would suck, because I'm a boy that needs extra fish sticks, and you can't bribe a robot. Or can you? Hey Roomba, I'll oil you if you clean under the bed really well. *BEEP BOP BEEP* DOES NOT COMPUTE. You piece of shit, I knew I never should have WOOTed you.

Hit the jump to see what your robotic substitute looks like with no face.

Continue Reading " They're After Our Children!: Robot Substitute "

Mar 8 2009 Yikes!: Scary Robo-Kid Is No Child Of Mine

The iCub is an iStupidly named robot-child created by the RobotCub Consortium in Italy (not to be confused with Opus Dei). He was designed to have the movement and learning capabilities of a three-year old child and a face only a mother could love. A really loving mother. A blind one with no ears or sense of feeling in her hands.

The iCub is able to crawl and walk, make human-like eye and head movements and recognise and grasp objects like a toddler, scientists say.

'It's hoped the iCub will develop its cognitive capabilities in the same way as a child, progressively learning about its own bodily skills, how to interact with the world and eventually how to communicate with other individuals.'

Oh man, it seems like only yesterday I first learning about my own "bodily skills". Awh yeah -- you know the one I'm talking about: I can pull my thumb back all the way!

Meet iCub - the robot that moves and learns like a child [dailymail]
and
Youtube

Thanks to Remo, Annie, Justin, Kyle and The Random Factor, who would never give birth to this thing.

Mar 7 2009 Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery

This is a little gallery of scary-ass robots that want to kill you so they can mate with your computer. This particular model is called "My Spoon" and was designed to help people with no arms or really sucky arms to eat. As you can see, it's about to choke out Japanese Health Minister Yoichi Masuzoe. God knows what's it's gonna do to him once he's out, but I suspect use his body as a breeding chamber for an army of nanobots. These nanobots will then invade our fresh water supply and, quite possibly, clog your faucet.

Hit the jump for gallery, and then hit the link at the end for a much larger, HD gallery with explanations of which each of the doomsday machines does.

Continue Reading " Another Sleepless Night: Scary Robot Gallery "

Mar 5 2009 Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server

I just don't get it -- why take the chance? What's wrong with paying some pimply adolescent $6/hour to serve ice cream? You have to look at his ugly face, that's what. Still, I want the record to show that I am anti-robotic ice cream server.

These Kuka industrial robots were programmed by 26 students over 5 weeks to serve ice cream (with toppings!) to attendees at Ohio Northern University's homecoming festivities.

Well, like the saying goes, "I scream, you scream, we all scream for HOLY SHIT THAT ROBOT HAS SPRINKLES -- HIT THE DECK!!!"

Hit the jump for a relatively boring 5-minute video about the servers of death.

Continue Reading " Death A La Mode: A Robotic Ice Cream Server "

Feb 18 2009 No Friends: Robot Plays Paper Rock Scissors

'Berti' is a humanoid robot that was designed and programmed to mimic hand gestures and play paper rock scissors. I want to smash his athletic cup of a face in with a rock. And then tear his fingers off. And then plant them in a cup of Wendy's chili and sue for free Frosties. Oh yeah, who wants a Frostie? Good, get me one too. AND A JR. BACON CHEESEBURGER! Awh sookie sookie. I don't have to make sense, I make dollars, son. Six an hour. I'm saving for a bike!

Britain Robot Playground [instablogs]

Thanks to Romeo, who once punched a Terminator in the face but it did that melty liquid metal thing and so it didn't really do any damage. Still, good effort.