Jun 19 2009 Over The Line!: Road Sign Hacked In DC

Apparently somebody hacked a couple DC traffic signs to say dirty words. In case you were wondering, there's a UC missing in the first line and an ALL in the third. Some people, no class.

If you think your commute can be offensive, you should have been driving northbound on the Virginia side of the Key Bridge Thursday morning.

It appeared that someone hacked into an electronic sign near the Rosslyn exit for the Key Bridge and posted an inappropriate message.

Another sign at Chain Bridge Road and the GW Parkway had a similar message but was turned off earlier.

Oh hell yeah GW Parkway. I OWN YOUR ROADZ! You hear that, George Washington -- it's mine now. Put that in your cherry pipe and smoke it!

Hackers steer commuters toward offensive sign [wtop]

Thanks to Zekcus, who hacked a Circus of Values vending machine in Bioshock to stop making that scary laugh.

Jun 10 2009 You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage

You thought I was kidding about it being Robotic Apocalypse Awareness Day, didn't you? I wasn't. First the Israeli snake robot, then Gundam, and now, another mecha. Plus, the day isn't over yet. Holy shit, more to come. Truth? You can't handle the truth!

Carlos Owens, 31, an army mechanic by trade, began building his own personal mecha in his garage in 2004. Five years, later, TA-DA -- tetanus on two feet.

Owens is working on two more prototypes, modifying the design to make it lighter and more maneuverable. For the new prototype of his mechanical suit, Carlos Owens is planning to feature a chest plate that swings open so he doesn't have to climb in from underneath.

He foresees mechas having uses in the military and the construction industry but acknowledges that right now they're best suited to entertainment. The first application he has in mind: mecha-vs.-mecha battles, demolition-derby style.

Demolition-derby style mecha wars, huh? Well at least you've got your priorities straight, Carlos. And, since I was born complete with pirate cannonballs, I challenge your mecha to the death. Go on, climb up in there. The fight will begin as soon as....*PEW PEW PEW PEW!* Now somebody haul this scrap to the junkyard.

Hit the jump for a closeup of Carlos in the thing. Alternatively: face tetanus.

Continue Reading " You Fool!: Man Builds Giant Mecha In Garage "

Apr 26 2009 Princess Leia Pulled Over For Drunk Driving

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides it's of a bunch of Princess Leias having a pillow fight and God has bestowed me with the power of awesomeness. But no need to thank me folks, I did it for myself. So anyway, Darth Vader's daughter just got pulled over for drunk driving.

Police found the mother-of-two Dodds, 28, dressed in white robes with plaited hair, while her husband was wearing robes. "She was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband as Luke Skywalker and they found it was a bit embarrassing to walk the streets of Murton dressed in their costumes.

When breathalysed she was more than twice over the legal drink driving limit.

Magistrates banned Dodds from driving for 20 months, fined her £255 and ordered her to pay £60 in costs and a £15 victim surcharge.

Dear. Mrs Dodds (aka the woman who likes to get drunk and dress as Princess Leia, aka the woman of my dreams),

Firstly: if you were my girl, you would never have to drive drunk, because I have droids for that shit. Secondly: I can't believe your husband (aka Luke Failwalker) didn't even have the decency to Force choke and/or mind trick the arresting officer. You, princess, are running with the wrong Jedi. Marry Me?

Yours,

Obi Won Geekologie

Woman dressed as Princess Leia of Star Wars stopped for drink driving [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who once ran over his neighbor's cat on a speeder bike but it was okay because speeder bikes float.

Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy

Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.

Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]

Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.

Apr 2 2009 Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World

When I'm right, I'm right. And I was right. This is what death looks like.

Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area.

Well folks, it's been fun. *guzzling booze and Amoxicillin*

UPDATE: Am I dead? My tummy hurts.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the last thing you'll ever see.

Continue Reading " Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World "

Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

Jan 30 2009 Really, Really Bad Idea: An MP3 Grenade

Folks, I've had a lot of really bad ideas in my life. And followed through with most of them. But that's neither here nor there, because one thing I never did was mod an inactive grenade into an MP3 player. Inside, modder Matt stuffed a 2GB Sansa Clip MP3 player. Hey Matt, you ever hear the story about that one guy that suspected that other guy of being a terrorist and called Homeland Security on him? Yeah, what's your address?

Hit the jump for another view of the guts.

Continue Reading " Really, Really Bad Idea: An MP3 Grenade "

Jan 23 2009 Concealed Dork Permit: The Gadget Holster

Oh God, please don't shoot -- with your iPhone! BWHAHHAHAH! Let me guess -- you failed the police academy entrance exam again.

The fashionable e-Volve™ Gadget Shoulder Holster is a new "carry all" shoulder holster that allows you to get all of your personal electronic gadgets off your belt, out of your pockets and into a comfortable shoulder holster.

The e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Holster is designed to "evolve" and adapt to the reality of constant state of change in personal electronics by enabling you to wear your present and future gadgets. This evolutionary capability is achieved by a simple, but functional design of this ergonomic shoulder holster.

I bet it's got a place to store Awethumbs! And it's only 70! F*** a fanny-pack, I want an e-Volve Gadget Shoulder Douche Holster! Watch this little trick -- nothing in my hands right.....BOOM, iPhone! Haha, I'd bet you'd you like to know where it came from -- too bad it's called magic. I'm serious, I had to fellate the sorcerer's apprentice.

Product Page

Thanks to Atlas Thugged, who done crushed that punk bitch to deaf wif the planet, son.

Dec 10 2008 Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day

This firebreathing robot-dog-beast-cycle (inappropriately named Lrry) was made entirely out of recycled materials by the Mutoid Waste Company in London. "Why?", you ask. "Why not?", the makers reply. "Because that f***er's gonna kill us all!", you scream while throwing an empty beer can and lacing up your running shoes. Perfectly at home at any monster truck rally, Lrry is guaranteed to melt your face off then trample your body. And, seriously, what better way to go? You know, besides every other way, excluding impalement.

Hit the Kris Kross will make you jump jump for a video of the doomsday machine in action.

Continue Reading " Firebreathing Dog Robot Will Ruin Your Day "

Nov 25 2008 Robot Soldiers Will Kill Your Ass Dead

Soon, robot soldiers will kill you. But, if it makes you feel any better, some people think they'll be acting more ethically than humans.

"My research hypothesis is that intelligent robots can behave more ethically in the battlefield than humans currently can," said Ronald C. Arkin, a computer scientist at Georgia Tech, who is designing software for battlefield robots under contract with the Army. "That's the case I make."

He and others say that the technology to make lethal autonomous robots is inexpensive and proliferating, and that the advent of these robots on the battlefield is only a matter of time. That means, they say, it is time for people to start talking about whether this technology is something they want to embrace. "The important thing is not to be blind to it," Dr. Arkin said. Noel Sharkey, a computer scientist at the University of Sheffield in Britain, wrote last year in the journal Innovative Technology for Computer Professionals that "this is not a 'Terminator'-style science fiction but grim reality."

Not 'Terminator'-style science fiction my ass! We're all freaking dead man. And the last thing I need is captain crazy pants there in the picture programming killer robots. I mean, Jesus, look at that wood paneling.

Hit the link below for a nice long article that made me pee my pants a little. Okay, a lot.

A Soldier, Taking Orders From Its Ethical Judgment Center [nytimes]

Thanks to Downey and Daniel, both of whom can kill robots in their sleep.

Nov 21 2008 Damnit, This Makes Me Sadder Than Hell

Abraham Briggs, a 19-year old from Florida, killed himself with pills while 1,500 people watched his streaming webcam on Justin.tv. Goddamnit.

He had told others on a chat forum that he planned to kill himself and posted a suicide note on another forum before taking the pills and turning on his webcam.

Because he had made similar threats in the past, moderators did not take him seriously and other forum members even encouraged him to kill himself. He then posted his suicide note.

"I have reached out for help so many times, and yet I believe, I was turned away because of the things I did, that it is a punishment I am willing to take, for I know that being who I am has only brought myself and others pain."

While he lay dead on the bed after the overdose, many forum members continued to insult him, thinking the suicide was staged.

F***ing f*** this makes me sad. There's just no reason for it. No reason for Abraham to kill himself, and no reason for a bunch of assholes to egg him on. Now I'm no trained professional, but know that I'm here for all of you -- I'm only an email away. And remember: there is no Geekologie in hell.

Bodybuilder commits suicide live on web while viewers abuse him [metro]

Thanks Asbo and Robert.

RIP Abraham.

Nov 10 2008 What Could Possibly Go Wrong? (Everything): World's Largest Truck Going Robotic

A group of sickos at Carnegie Mellon have decided to automate the world's largest truck, a 3,550-horsepower, 700-ton behemoth designed to haul 240-ton loads.

Autonomous vehicle technology is pretty much in its infancy," said Tony Stentz, a professor at CMU involved in the project. Stentz expects that over the next five to 10 years, the technology will expand to areas beyond mining, eventually finding its way into consumer cars and trucks.

Autonomous vehicle technology. Really has a ring to it, doesn't it? No, it doesn't -- and anybody that answered yes is a robot sympathizer and officially on the FU-BOTS shit list. Seriously, this is bad news. You know what happens when a 700-ton robot truck gets road rage?

A: Everybody dies.

World's Largest Truck Goes Robotic [discovery]

Thanks to Hayden, who gets a free membership to FU-BOTS for finding this as scary as I do.

Nov 5 2008 Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because

There are many things in this world that simply remain unexplainable. Like why all banana-flavored candy tastes like ass. And also, why the hell anybody would put treads on a Hummer H2T. Hell, or even buy one for that matter. My own poverty aside, what could possibly be cooler than a Hummer with treads? Ha, you're right -- a Hummer with treads on fire.

Hit it for a bunch more of the ridiculousness.

Continue Reading " Hummer Tank, Because, Yeah, Just Because "

Nov 3 2008 British Boy Legally Changes Name To 'Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined'

A 19-year old British kid legally changed his name from George Garratt to Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Because, WTF, you only live once, right? Just kidding, this is my second go around.

"I decided on a superheroes theme and whenever my friends offered up suggestions to me, I added them."

He added: "My family have begun to expect these sorts of things from me, and although my friends thought it was ridiculous most people do call me Captain and it's been a great conversation starter."

A spokesman from The Legal Deed Poll Service, said: "We get so many outrageous name changes that these days it barely fazes us, but when this one was brought to my attention I knew there was something special about it."

Oh there's something special about it all right. Listen, Superman and The Flash are the only fast ones out of the bunch, so tacking on all those others is only increasing overall speed incrementally (and the time it takes to write your name exponentially). Snap -- your name just got learned, Captain Fantarded! Also, you're 19-years old man, come the f*** on.

Teenager's new name is fantastic [bbcnews]

Thanks to Chris, who wants to change his name to Captain Kickass Planet, and totally should.

Oct 23 2008 Great, Just Great: We're All As Good As Dead

Well folks, it's been nice knowing you, but the end is nigh. The Pentagon recently put out a request to contractors to build a "Multi-Robot Pursuit System" to "search for and detect a non-cooperative human." Hoooooly shit.

"What we have here are the beginnings of something designed to enable robots to hunt down humans like a pack of dogs. Once the software is perfected we can reasonably anticipate that they will become autonomous and become armed.

We can also expect such systems to be equipped with human detection and tracking devices including sensors which detect human breath and the radio waves associated with a human heart beat. These are technologies already developed."

Wow, just wow. And you thought I was half kidding about the robot apocalypse thing, didn't you? Well I wasn't. I was whole not kidding. We're f***ed. I mean, this is just awful. Imagine: packs of armed BigDogs and LittleDogs hunting "non-cooperative" humans. Run for the hills! And also, a couple of you slow runners distract the beasts with some blatantly uncooperative behavior.

Packs of robots will hunt down uncooperative humans [newscientist]

Thanks Nolan, I've never been more depressed in my life.

Oct 9 2008 Used Condoms Reborn As Hair/Rubber Bands

Soiled condoms *HORF* are being recycled into hair bands and rubber bands in China.

"There are a lot of bacteria and viruses on the rubber bands and hair ties made from used condoms," a dermatologist at the Guangzhou Hospital of Armed Police, who asked to be identified by his surname Dong, told the local paper. "People could be infected with AIDS, warts or other diseases if they hold the rubber bands or strings in their mouths while weaving their hair into plaits or buns."

*HORF* Jesus. But on the upside, a bag of 10 hair bands only costs 3¢. Which, I think we can all agree is worth the risk of contracting something.

Report: Used condoms 'recycled' as hair bands in China [usatoday]

Thanks to Skip, who may or may not have been the guy that ratted me out for blowing up used condoms at my last clown gig.

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.

Oct 2 2008 Aaaaaaah!: Scary Ass Robot Girl

This is a robot girl named Repliee R-1. She's an android built by Osaka University and based on an actual 5-year old girl. And I think I speak for everyone when I say they chose their model pretty freaking poorly.

Liveleak

Thanks to Firuz, Tytus, Jake, and Justin, who all agree the only good robot is -- wait, there are no good robots.

Aug 21 2008 Why You Don't Kite Surf In Tropical Storms

Why shouldn't you kite-surf in tropical storms? Because they'll f*** you up. Not only will they slam you into the beach, they'll fling you across the street and into a concrete wall for good measure. Now I hate to say this is Darwinism at work, but I will mention the Saber-Toothed Tiger was notorious for freaking around in tropical storms. Coincidence?

Youtube

Thanks to Julian, who could actually throw you that far.

Aug 21 2008 Pretty F'ed Up: World Trade Center Invaders

French-American artist Douglas Edric "Asshat" Stanely "Steamer" has this game on display right now at the '08 Games Convention in Leipzig, Germany.

Stanely says that the exhibit is an update of one he created in September 2001. This time the exhibit is much larger, includes multiplayer support, improved tracking, high and low scores leader boards and a "stronger tie-in to the historical narrative that originally inspired me to make this version in the first place."

You aren't helping.

The World Trade Center attacks mark a deep cut in our recent history that is still being processed. The French-American artist Douglas Edric Stanley has found an unusual - though obvious - metaphor with his work "Invaders!", which is based on the 1978 arcade original. In his interactive large installation, the players must prevent the catastrophe by controlling the well- known cannon at the lower screen border with their bodies and firing it using arm movements. Like the original, this trial is ultimately unsuccessful, thus creating an articulated and critical commentary about the current war strategy. In this regard, Douglas Edric Stanley sees Space Invaders as "a social tale that can be related to historical tales without losing its poetic power"

Oh yeah, tons of poetic power there, Stanley. How moving. The convention goes on until the 24th, so anybody that's attending or lives nearby, feel free to stop in and say hello to Douglas. Hello with a tire iron to the nuts. And maybe you could recite some Dylan Thomas or Robert Frost while you're doing it. You know, for added poetic power.

Space Invaders Attack World Trade Center At Games Convention [kotaku]

Artist Explains WTC Space Invaders Exhibit at Games Convention [kotaku]
(Note: this page has a picture of him that will make you hate him even more -- he looks like a Nihilist from The Big Lebowski)

Thanks to Julian, who promised to stuff me in his luggage and get me over there.