Jun 22 2009 Robot Train Goes Rogue, Kills Track Inspector

An unmanned computerized train car in Miami allegedly ran over an employee while he was inspecting the tracks of the Metromover rail system. Uh-oh.

The accident happened Saturday. The computerized vehicle, which is not driven by a conductor, was stopped, but moved forward for an unknown reason.

Unknown reason, huh? How about THAT ROBOT TRAIN IS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER?! *ringing bell* The apocalypse, it's here! Quick -- to the bunker! Bring snakes! SNACKS, I MEANT SNACKS GO GO GO GO

Florida Man Killed By Computerized Vehicle While Inspecting Tracks [foxnews]

Thanks to Matt, holliebean, D.M., Jeff, Nathaniel, renegade and Joel, who I WASN'T KIDDING RUN RUN RUN!

May 19 2009 Baaaaad Idea: Cheap Terminator Costumes

Just in time for the new movie, Toys-Я-Us is selling $13 T-600 (looks more like a T-6 if you ask me) costumes for children. I mean, it's not even Halloween. You let your kid run around the neighborhood with this thing on and it's game over, man! Wait, that was Aliens. Anyway, the costumes were made to compliment the rest of the crap they're marketing to children under 13 who shouldn't even be allowed to see the movie. Just sayin', my dad took me to see the original Terminator when I was 4. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?

Product Site

Thanks to Reason, who once killed a T-600 with a laser beam and then called its mother Robo-Cop.

May 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead!: Boston Dynamics' Latest Robastard Is An Accomplished Climber

In Boston Dynamics' unending quest to cut humanity's reign on earth short, the company continues to develop new robotic death machines. In this case, a climber named RiSE (who I have briefly touched on before). As is evident from the video, the apocalyptic bastard makes pretty short work of climbing a telephone pole. So I'm pretty confident it could scurry across the floor, shimmy up my leg, and have my change purse in its razor sharp mandibles before I could utter, "but they just dropped".

RiSE Version 3 Prototype [kodlab]

Thanks to beefytee, Art and biggity2bit, who just informed me we're no longer safe in the tree fort. Quick -- to the zip line!

May 6 2009 Just What We Need: Robots On Facebook

That's right folks, Facebook, long considered one of humanity's last strongholds, is being breached by robots. Warning: under no circumstances should you accept a robot's friend request. And don't let them fool you with Superpokes and Virtual Drinks, THEY SHOULD BE CONSIDERED METALIZED AND DANGEROUS.

Researchers are giving a robot its own Facebook profile page to help foster meaningful relationships with people. The page will be populated with interactions the robot has with people as well as photos of the time it spends in human company.

Its creators hope that embedding it in a social web will give rise to a sustainable friendship can grow up between man and machine.

Umm, how about NO THANKS. Now how in the hell are we supposed to tell friend from robotic foe? I swear, if I catch that robobastard trying to infiltrate the Geekologie Fan page, it is GAME OVER AND LIGHTS OUT. Then lights back on while I find my stuffed dinosaur. THEN LIGHTS OUT AGAIN AND A BUNCH OF GROANING AND RAWR!

Robot to create Facebook profile [bbcnews]

Thanks to ffffffffffffffffff, Aaron, Bilal, Gareth, Kim and Dylan "Free Sex!", who should totally take the 'What Disney Princess Are You' quiz that I just did. I'm Belle!

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy

Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.

Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]

Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.

Apr 3 2009 Uh-Oh, They Don't Need Us: Robot Scientist Makes Own Discoveries Without Human Help

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you thought yesterday's fire-breathing robot-baby was bad, you're in for a real treat. Adam, a robot scientist, has officially "discovered new scientific knowledge independently of a human operator." Run for the hills folks, and I'm not even kidding.

The device has already identified the role of several genes in yeast cells, and has the ability to plan further experiments to test its own hypotheses. Ross King, from the university's computer science department, remarked that the robot is meant to take care of the tedious aspects of the scientific method, freeing up human scientists for "more advanced experiments."

Yeah, too bad this robotic bastard is gonna trump all the human scientists. How long until a robot receives a Nobel prize -- two, three years? Then what -- what's the next big discovery?

A: That humans are dispensable.*

*This answer based entirely on The Geekologie Writer's own speculation and ability to see the future when he's high. Also, it might be the booze talking, but it's totally not (it is). YOU ROBASTARDS WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE! *pew pew*

Thanks to bum master, Chris, Jake, Joemo, Katie, Phil, Austin, Dan, Tank, Adrian, Harrison, two different Jons, Jay, Milkman, adam, Martyn and Charks, who obviously don't care if I have nightmares. Thanks a lot, dicks.

Apr 2 2009 Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World

When I'm right, I'm right. And I was right. This is what death looks like.

Sculptor Kenji Yanobe's Giant Torayan robot, a 7.2-meter (24-ft) tall mechanical baby that sings, dances and spits fire, was sighted in Tokyo's Roppongi district last night. The fire-breathing robot spent the night on center stage at "Roppongi Art Night," an all-night event featuring installations and performances by dozens of artists at various venues in the area.

Well folks, it's been fun. *guzzling booze and Amoxicillin*

UPDATE: Am I dead? My tummy hurts.

Hit the jump for a bunch more of the last thing you'll ever see.

Continue Reading " Who Called It?: Fire-Breathing Robo-Baby Of Death Unleashed Upon The World "

Mar 26 2009 No Joke: Conficker C Virus Coming April 1st

That's right folks, a beefed up version of the Conficker virus, Conficker C is scheduled to wreak havoc on April 1st. Your grandparents may think it's just a joke, but it's no joke -- this is real life, son!

What's known so far is that on April 1, all infected computers will come under the control of a master machine located somewhere across the web, at which point anything's possible. Will the zombie machines become denial of service attack pawns, steal personal information, wipe hard drives, or simply manifest more traditional malware pop-ups and extortion-like come-ons designed to sell you phony security software? No one knows.

Conficker is clever in the way it hides its tracks because it uses an enormous number of URLs to communicate with HQ. The first version of Conficker used just 250 addresses each day -- which security researchers and ICANN simply bought and/or disabled -- but Conficker C will up the ante to 50,000 addresses a day when it goes active, a number which simply can't be tracked and disabled by hand.

Well, just like I did in preparation for the Y2K bug, I'm building a rocketship and blasting off into outerspace before the damage is done. Now you may be asking yourself, "self, what the hell is he still doing here if he really blasted off into outerspace?" And the answer, my friends, is none of your business (read: I'm collecting earth women for the trip). Ladies? Freeze-dried ice cream!

Beware Conficker worm come April 1 [yahoonews]

Thanks to Ashely and Xeta, who aren't worried about the virus because they don't use computers. It's true, they sent their tips snail mail and only read Geekologie telepathically.

Mar 12 2009 Freaky Deaky: DIY Bedroom Toy Goes Wrong

Now I'm not saying there's not a place for reciprocating saws in the bedroom, I'm just saying if you do decide to get freaky with a power tool, TAKE THE BLADE OFF FIRST. Do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (except really, really dire ones) just ram a fake wiener on the existing blade. Because then you'll end up like this poor lady.

The saw cut through the plastic toy and wounded the woman, according to TheBayNet.com. The injuries were severe enough for medevac, but the woman was released from the hospital Monday and is recovering from her unusual injuries.

Investigators talked to the woman, who told them she suffered the injuries during a consensual act and that she and her partner were trying something new and no crime was committed, the sheriff's office said.

Trying something new -- I'll say! When I think 'trying something new' I think a clean sock or sitting on my hand for awhile, not power tools. Although....

MEDIC!

Woman Injured in Power Tool Sex Toy Encounter [nbcnewyork]
via
Saber Saw Sex Toy Incident: DIY Gone Very, Very Wrong [gizmodo]

Mar 5 2009 Wow, I'm Shocked: Robot Programmed To Love Goes Too Far, Commences Stalking

Kenji, a third-generation humanoid, was programmed by Toshiba's Akimu Robotic Research Institute to emulate human emotions, including love. But shockingly, Kenji has gone haywire and will probably end up killing off all his love interests.

The trouble all started when a young female intern began to spend several hours each day with Kenji, testing his systems and loading new software routines. When it came time to leave one evening, however, Kenji refused to let her out of his lab enclosure and used his bulky mechanical body to block her exit and hug her repeatedly. The intern was only able to escape after she had frantically phoned two senior staff members to come and temporarily de-activate Kenji.

Dr. Takahashi admits that they will more than likely have to decommission Kenji permanently, but he's optimistic about one day succeeding where Kenji failed. "This is only a minor setback. I have full faith that we will one day live side by side with, and eventually love and be loved by, robots," he said.

Oh hell no you crackpot. Ain't no love for robots here. It's kill or be killed. YOUR EXPERIMENT FAILED MISERABLY -- GIVE UP. Seriously, we need this guy behind bars STAT. The day I'm forced to love a robot is the day I stab that mechanical beast through the eye-camera with a rusty screwdriver and sparks fly everywhere as I mash it around in his brain real good until the BEEPITY BOOP BEEPING stops and I push my would-be mechanical lover off me and take a nap.

Robot Programmed to Love Goes too Far [muckflash]

Thanks to Jon, who once kicked a robot in the metallic junk for stepping on his shoe.

Jan 29 2009 No, Nuh-Uh, No Way: The Robo-Urinal

Allegedly this robo-urinal holds your junk while you pee. For once in my life I'm really praying it's a Photoshop job or some really sick art project. You know the rule about having at least a urinal of separation between you and another dude in the bathroom? Well there are not enough urinals in the world to safely separate you from this thing. I wouldn't even feel safe pissing in the women's room sink.

Oh Hell No [tinypic]

Thanks to NinjaMuffin, who can melt enemies like butter on his top.