Nov 20 2009 Holy Grail? You Decide: A Bacon Chalice

I can't even imagine weaving bacon so tight as to not let liquid (well, molten cheese) through, but apparently somebody did. My hat oven mitts are off to you, bacon mug maker. Cause one time I tried weaving bacon and it didn't even make a solid placemat. It did, however, make a solid after-school snack. Kidding, I'm vegetarian. Did you feel that? That was your head imploding.

Bacon Beer Mug [thisisfreakingridiculous]

Thanks to Profound, mike469x, Dominican Joe, Freedom and KilgoreTrout XL, one of which is Kurt Vonnegut's plus-size alter-ego, the other three of which are fighting over who gets to eat the cup.

Nov 19 2009 Snap, Crackle, Pork: Bacon-Flavored Popcorn

Because soon everything will be available pork-flavored, J&D's is selling bacon-flavored popcorn. I assume it's just regular popcorn with their bacon-salt added to the bag, but what do I know? Besides everything because God and I are like this *crossing fingers to show extreme closeness*. $12 gets you three bags. Alternatively, $12 will also net you 40 Glad Tall Kitchen Trashbags (with Odor Shield technology). So, yeah, the choice is yours.

Product Site
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Bacon Pop [uncrate]

Thanks to Chuey The Rock n Roll Midget and Be My Mannequin, who pop corn and balloons at the fair with equal dexterity.

Nov 16 2009 Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise

I love tequila sunrises. You know why? They're fruity, come with a little umbrella, and go down great with breakfast. Which, more often than not, is two quarts of mimosas I mixed into an orange juice carton. I SHOULD WRITE A BOOK ON EATING HEALTHY. But, for those of you that prefer a solid breakfast, maybe you'll be interested in this bacon sunrise, which is actually just some bacon, an egg and a couple sprigs of inedible greenery. Now imagine if you were miniaturized and walking those rolling bacon hills. Would you stop to enjoy the eggrise or would you be too busy driving bacon into your mouth to notice? No need to answer, I've got your number.

Hit the jump for another one of a bacon road.

Continue Reading " Bacon Sunrise Is The New Tequila Sunrise "

Nov 15 2009 This Little Piggy Went To The Post Office: Bacon Flavored Envelopes For Meatier Mail

I think we all knew this day would come: Envelopes with bacon-flavored adhesive. Geez, these are almost as clever as my invention: nipple flavored envelopes. Which, I think you and I both know is the closest your tongue will ever come.

J&D's, the makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, isn't kidding when they say everything should taste like bacon: They just announced Mmmvelopes, bacon-flavored envelopes. $6.99 for 25 bacon-flavored #10 envelopes, $14.99 for 3 packs of 25...."No longer will envelopes taste like the underside of your car. You can enjoy the taste of delicious bacon instead."

Now I know what you're thinking, "but how do I keep myself from eating them?" THEY'RE PAPER YOU IDIOTS. Yeah I have no idea.

Mmmvelopes: Bacon-Flavored Envelopes from the Makers of Bacon Salt and Baconnaise [eatmedaily]

Thanks to Mih0, who invented chocolate-flavored envelopes a long time ago but that ruthless cocoa mogul Wonka stole his idea.

Nov 10 2009 How Do You Not Bite Them?: Bacon Nails

Geekologie Reader Melissa has taken it upon herself to paint her fingernails in a different style every day for an entire year and blog about it. Today's theme is bacon, and I'll be the first to admit I would bite every single one of those fingers clean off. And by 'clean off' I mean do you know how hard it is to bite through a finger? Surprisingly easy. Go ahead -- put one in my mouth, I DARE DOUBLE DARE PHYSICAL CHALLENGE you. Here, I'll close my eyes and everything. *zip* Haha, nice try buddy.

Hit the jump for a shot of the other cuticles.

Continue Reading " How Do You Not Bite Them?: Bacon Nails "

Oct 25 2009 I'd Wash My Mouth Out With It: Bacon Soap

This bacon soap isn't just bacon shaped, it's made with bacon fat. But how do you keep yourself from eating it in the shower? I don't think you can!

Soap can be made from just about any kind of fat. Even though fat from bacon, called lard, isn't the finest of fats to use for making soap, it somehow seemed to be the most exciting. Why? Because bacon is amazing. It has an almost mystical power to it and is a food that can be craved to almost no end. I figured what better way use the extra grease I had from cooking bacon then to turn it into soap!

If you want make some, there's an Instructable posted with all the details you need to Tyler Durden it up yourself. Unfortunately, I could never do it -- I like to drink all the fat out of pan after cooking. It scalds so good!

How to Make Bacon Soap [instructables]

Thanks to naas, who once made fried chicken soap and ate a thigh and two drumsticks sitting on the can one morning.

Oct 21 2009 Why Didn't I Think Of That?: Bacon Jam

Bacon Jam is jam made out of bacon. It is probably man's crowning achievement and goes great on toast alongside some super-runny eggs. I know this because I have a knack for choosing incredible food pairings. You ever tried peanut butter and jelly? That shit's legit!

.....what the heck is bacon jam?...

It is something we've been cooking up for a couple of years now on our trailers and for our burgers

.......we take a big bunch of really really good bacon, and render it down...add a bunch of spices..onions, etc..and let it simmer for about 6 hours...give it a quick puree, and blast chill it...and you have bacon jam..

8oz jars will set you back $17 including shipping and probably won't even last a day at the rate you go through bacon. Admit it, glutton. Order two.

Product Site
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Bacon Jam: It's Bacon You Can SPREAD [topcultured]

Thanks to Bay Kon, mike469x, Bolleke, Aisha, Alejandra, Leslie, James, Spikey DaPikey, and anyone else who sent this in becausebecause searching 'bacon' in my tip box nets 1,900 results.

Oct 5 2009 Delicious Light: DIY Bacon Strip Lampshade

Bacon, perhaps the most versatile tool on the planet (suck it, duct tape!), can be fashioned into just about anything. Including, but not limited to: guns and lube. And what more does a person really need (besides the love of a good woman and maybe a pet)?!

Anyway, Flickr user Kris Kelley went and made a lampshade out of bacon slices and posted a little picture tutorial. And one thing's for certain: I bet it smells divine when it heats up! Plus, 10 to 1 odds your dog eats the whole lamp first you leave the house. Ever seen a dog pass an electric cord? It's something you don't forget.

Flickr Gallery

Thanks to jessica, who gamma radiated a pig in the hopes of creating naturally glowing bacon. Unfortunately, it just turns green and beats the shit out of things when it gets mad.

Sep 29 2009 It's About Time: A Bacon Of The Month Club

Hell yeah a bacon of the month club. Truthfully, I only thought there was one kind of bacon (delicious), but what do I know? I'm just a man who has all his meals prepared for him by a non-robotic bartender. Anyway, for a staggering $315 you can join the Grateful Palate BOTM Club and get:

- A different artisan bacon delivered to your door each month for 12 months

- Informative notes on all bacon selections
- Discounts on The Grateful Palate bacon products and bacons
- Bacon of the Month Club Membership Card
- The bacon strip - our members only monthly bacon comic strip
- The Bacon of the Month Club Pig Ballpoint Pen
- A little Rubber Toy Pig
- One free Bacon Tee Shirt
- A recipe each month using the bacon selected
- Discounts on suggested wines and products in recipes
- And a pig nose!

Wow, I don't need half that stuff. How much for just the bacon, membership card and comic strip? Because I'm willing to go as high as $28. Just sayin', that's more than $2/month -- I don't even pay that in child support. Yay for aliases!

The Grateful Palate Bacon of the Month Club

Thanks to kyle, who should start a sexy of the month club cause damn he looks good.

Sep 20 2009 Meat Baby: A Modern Hansel And Gretel Story

Somebody went and made a baby entirely out of ground beef. Which, funny story: is exactly how God made Adam. Minus the pickle eyes. He used deviled eggs, silly! Can you tell I took a religion class in college? Because I didn't. I did take a philosophy class though -- it was called Morality and Ethics. Yeah, I found out I don't have any (I stole an exam and got expelled).

The Meat Baby [thisiswhyyourefat]

Thanks to Tydal and trishna87, who only eat candy babies.

Sep 14 2009 Bacon Is Good For Me: The Remix

This is Sir Eat A Lot's remix of his instant classic 'Bacon Is Good For Me', now with more repetition. Now I'm not saying this song makes me want to adopt the little chubs and call him my own, but it totally does. Say it again, little man! "Bacon is good for me". Haha, here -- have another Beggin' Strip (he doesn't know the difference).

Youtube

Thanks to Erica, whose hit 'Geekologie Is Good For Me' went like triple plutonium.

Sep 2 2009 Tactical Canned Bacon Has 10-Year Shelf Life

Sure we've seen canned bacon before, but I don't want to seem I give preferential treatment to one pig's belly over another, so here's Tac Bac! Like its competitor, this bacon is good for TEN FREAKIN' YEARS. Buy now and you can eat the very same can in 2019 while huddled in your basement praying the robots' heat sensors can't reach you down there. Each tactical can will set you back $16 and contains approximately 54 strips of fatty pig. Definitely not the cheapest thing to survive on, but it's worlds better than ten year old Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs, which, I don't care if they're the last things on earth, are still illegal.

ThinkGeek

Thanks to MDGrein, JFreezy, stereotypical, Harsh, Cpt. Awesome, Ste, Hammer, Dave, LucidSteel, Bryan, shogunu, and anyone I may have missed, you are all welcome to take shelter in my robot-proof lair, but only because I love sausage fests.

Sep 2 2009 Chubby Boy To Surrogate Mother, "Bacon Is Good For Me"

This is a short video from the television show Wife Swap featuring a health-conscious surrogate mother who is throwing away all the junk food in a family's kitchen when young Sir Eat A Lot makes a stand when he sees the bacon making its exit. A BACON STAND. Like a lemonade one, but even more delicious...
...
...
...OMG I'M GONNA BE RICH!

Youtube

Thanks to TeckniX, asiantom and naas, who have actually gotten into fisticuffs over spray cheese before.

Aug 25 2009 You're Doing It Wrong!: Bacon Oakleys

Bacon, as you may well know, is supposed to go in your mouth or be worn like a coat. It is NOT supposed to be worn like a pair of sunglasses. That is ridiculous. But DQM and Oakley went ahead and teamed up to make a limited run of 50 pairs of bacon goggles anyways, which went on sale today for an undisclosed amount of fatback. Did I buy a pair? No. Did I lick a pair? Maybe.

DQM x Oakley Frogskins "Bacon" [hypebeast]

Thanks to Chris, who rocks a meatball necklace because the man knows fashion.

Aug 22 2009 Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich

KFC just released a new sandwich called the Double Down that features bacon and cheese IN BETWEEN TWO CHICKEN FILLET BUNS. Because, seriously, bread is just filler anyways. A recent review:

That's it? That is the sandwich? That's not worth five dollars. Oh... oh my God. That is the best thing ever. I don't know what "Colonel's Sauce" is, but it is like a party in my mouth. This is completely worth the five dollars. Unfortunately I'm going to end up weighing 700 lbs after this, but it is simply amazing.

Wow, I kind of absolutely don't want to try that. But I will tell you a chicken joke I came up with last night.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To nug-get to the other side. HIYO! I should do stand up.

Hit the jump for an actual product shot and a commercial.

Continue Reading " Chicken Buns: KFC's New WTF Sandwich "

Aug 11 2009 Eh: World's Largest BLT Is Fairly Large

The record for the world's largest BLT (bacon, lettuce and tomato) sandwich was broken over the weekend with a massive baconator that would made even Wilbur proud. But NOT that stupid talking spider. I'm looking at you, Charlotte. WHY'D YOU HAVE TO DIE ON ME?!?

At the fifth annual Tomato Fest in St. Louis, Tom Coghill and 90 volunteers put together a BLT that stretched 179 feet, two inches, breaking the world record for the biggest bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich. They used 500 pounds of bacon, 1,280 pounds of tomatoes, and 100 heads of lettuce.

Eh, I dunno. It looks like they could have made it twice as long if they didn't make it so wide (like me -- lunch ladies?). Also, who cares about making the longest sandwich, I want the record for the tallest one. Because one time I made a peanut butter, banana, honey, graham cracker, marshmallow fluff and chocolate syrup sandwich that reached TO THE MOON. Yeah, unicorns and rainbows helped me eat it and then I found a leprechaun's gold and blew it all on hookers. True story. Except for the hookers, BECAUSE I DON'T PAY FOR SEX. Anymore. Starting after tonight.

Making the World's Longest BLT at Iron Barley, 8.9.09 [riverfronttimes] (with a ton more pictures and information about the build)
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World Record Bacon Sandwich [neatorama]

Thanks to Eric, who wants to build the world's sexiest sandwich. Piece of cake, Eric: slap yourself between these buns and we'll call it a record. Invite a friend and we can make a club!

Aug 9 2009 Not Surprised: Bacon Flavored Rolling Papers

Seeing how every flavor of rolling paper already seems to exist (I've heard -- I don't know anything about these things in case my mom is reading), it was only a matter of time bong rips before somebody put two and two together and then got the munchies and forgot what they were doing. Then, sometime much later, somebody else created bacon flavored rolling papers. Made by Juicy Jay's, the papers promise a sizzlin' bacon taste and aroma. Interesting. Unfortunately, I only smoke REAL bacon (I swear, mom) and banana peels. I AM THE BBQ WIZ-ARD!

Product Site (must be 19 or older)

Thanks to The Robot Slayer, who got high and thought I was a robot. Well, I'm not. BEEP BOOP BOP. Kidding!

Aug 5 2009 I WANT TO EAT MY LIPS: Bacon Lip Balm

What do you get when you cross Cheetos lip balm and bacon flavored lube? A BACON-CHEESE ORGY TO REMEMBER, AM I RIGHT? God, I sure hope I'm not. You people are freaks. Anyway, bacon lip balm is exactly what it sounds like: bacon flavored lip balm from the porky purveyors over at J&D. A 4-pack will set you back $13, but it's gonna take a lot more than that to fill you up! I'm a pretty skinny guy and I still ate ten sticks for breakfast. PLUS TWO ROCKS AND SOME DIRT.

Amazon Product Site
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J&D's Bacon Lip Balm [uncrate]

Thanks to Rémy, Ste, tkuper and PrestickNinja, who are smart enough to know hotdogs aren't really just assholes and lips. There are elbows in there too, you know.

Jul 7 2009 Dude, You Should Totally Get A Bacon Tattoo!

I think it's safe to say we would all eat that, but I would go the extra mile and lick the pit. Happy lunching!

Picture [flickr]

Thanks, son, now go to your room. Mommy and daddy are going to wrestle.

Jul 1 2009 Bacon Boys: Cutest Picture On The Planet?

No, the one on the right is ruining it.

Product Site (actually for fake gift box, indicating THIS might not be real either)

Thanks to Henry, Marley, Biff Tannen, quasievil, mrs. Willy, Herson, Kassie, Klay and whoever else may have sent this: even wrapped in lettuce, you'd still look good.