Sep 22 2009 WoW Freakout Kid Versus Grandmother

This is a video of the infamous WoW freakout kid arguing with his grandmother, who's been sent over to watch him and his brother for the weekend. Now I really wanted to believe that these videos are real, but this one's the nail in the coffin for being fake. And not just because octogenarians are notoriously bad actresses (and will shit themselves on set), but she actually references him trying to jam the tv remote up his ass. Now I know how you're feeling, and yes, it's like Santa isn't real all over again.

Tough Granny Teaches Grandson a Lesson [break]

Thanks to Adam, who plays BINGO with his grandma on Tuesday nights and she always has him sneak a bottle of booze in. Fun lady!

Jul 22 2009 Sadness: Lost iPhone Prototype Drives Chinese Factory Worker To Suicide

And in a bit of sad news, a Chinese factory worker jumped to his death after losing track of an iPhone prototype he was responsible for shipping to Apple.

The dead worker, Sun Danyong, 25, worked in product communications at Foxconn Technology Group, a Taiwanese firm that makes many Apple products at a massive factory in the southern city of Shenzhen, near Hong Kong.

Sun was responsible for sending iPhone prototypes to Apple, and on July 13 he reported that he was missing one of the 16 fourth-generation units in his possession, the newspaper reported. His friends said company security guards searched his apartment, detained him and beat him, the paper reported.

Apple Inc. responded Wednesday by saying its suppliers are required to treat workers with dignity and respect.

Blood phones, just sayin'.

Chinese Worker Kills Self Over Missing iPhone [foxnews]

Thanks to Gino, who would have just burned the factory to the ground to cover up the loss. Smart thinking.

Jul 13 2009 Robotic Workers Being Laid Off In Japan

Finally, some good news. Thanks to the current global economic crisis, many robots in Japan are finding themselves out of work. And, hopefully, oil. Rust and die you dirty bastards!

Japan's legions of robots, the world's largest fleet of mechanized workers, are being idled as the country suffers its deepest recession in more than a generation as consumers worldwide cut spending on cars and gadgets.

At a large Yaskawa Electric factory on the southern Japanese island of Kyushu, where robots once churned out more robots, a lone robotic worker with steely arms twisted and turned, testing its motors for the day new orders return. Its immobile co-workers stood silent in rows, many with arms frozen in midair.

They could be out of work for a long time. Japanese industrial production has plummeted almost 40 percent and with it, the demand for robots.

As pumped as I am to hear about out-of-work robots, the whole economic crisis thing kind of puts a damper on my excitation. I have feelings, you know? Also, a powerful green laser. Call me.

In Japan, Machines for Work and Play Are Idle [nytimes]

Thanks to patrick, who once stole a robots job AND its girlfriend. Good lookin', Patrick.

Jul 9 2009 Death By Chocolate: A Modern Augustus Gloop

A man died in a New Jersey chocolate factory yesterday after he fell into a huge vat of melted chocolate.

Vincent Smith II, 29, was dumping raw chocolate into the vat for melting when he fell in from a nine-foot high platform. He suffered a fatal blow to the head from the vat's agitator, a paddle-like mechanism used for stirring the chocolate.

The rectangular vat, which was 8 feet deep, 14 feet long and 6 feet wide, was churning a batch of chocolate for Hershey's when the accident occurred.

Wow, what a way to go. Also, I'm gonna hold off on the Hershey's for a while.

Man dies at chocolate factory [cnn]

Thanks to Alex, Jcon, Michelle, joe the human beatbox and Tad Bit Tipsy, who all want to fall into a vat of chocolate, then marshmallow, then graham cracker crumbs.

Jun 9 2009 Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral

Sebastian Neale, a 26 year old from South Wales and mega-fan of the Doctor Who series, passed away recently due to head injuries and was given a proper Dr. Who themed send off.

The funeral music was swapped out in favor of the Dr. Who's theme song and mourners were greeted with the Doctor's words, "I'm a time lord ... I'm not a human being. I walk in eternity." Instead of Bible verses, the funeral consisted of quotes from classic Who scripts, including William Hartnell's famous speech from "The Dalek Invasion Of Earth": "One day, I will come back. Yes, I shall come back. Until then there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to me that I am not mistaken in mine."

Wow, I just got a little teary eyed. You know, this got me thinking about my own funeral. I've decided I want it to be Geekologie themed. I'd like the presiding wizard to read a few of my funnier posts (which I have yet to write), and you mourners (and rejoicers) to read some of your comments. Then, Daisy will proclaim the whole thing a fake, and that I'm secretly crashing in Baja and Max's garage, waiting to start a new life. The ceremony will end with The Superficial Writer urinating into my open casket.

R.I.P. Sebastian, I hope your Tardis takes you to whenever you want.

Hit the jump for a better shot of the casket.

Continue Reading " Doctor Who Fan Dies, Has Themed Funeral "

Jun 4 2009 UPDATE: David Carradine Found Dead

In case Geekologie is the only site on the interweb you visit (good for you), David Carradine, best known for his role as Shaolin priest Kwai Chang Caine in Kung Fu and Bill in the Kill Bill series, was found dead by alleged hanging in his hotel room in Bangkok. He was 72.

Carradine was in Bangkok to shoot a movie and had been staying at the hotel since Tuesday.

In all, he appeared in more than 100 feature films with such directors as Martin Scorsese, Ingmar Bergman and Hal Ashby. One of his prominent early film roles was as singer Woody Guthrie in Ashby's 1976 biopic "Bound for Glory."

Hi-ya, David, hi-ya. R.I.P.

UPDATE: Hanging was allegedly accidentally and the result of some eroticness gone wrong. Hey, it's how I want to go.

Actor David Carradine found dead in Bangkok [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gem, Rosswell, Steven, Freddy and Matthew, who have all taken the day off to partake in a Kung Fu marathon.

May 7 2009 Duke Nukem Forever Is Not Happening :(

In news that should surprise no one, apparently Duke Nukem Forever, the much anticipated follow up title in development since 1997(!!!), is being scrapped. I guess that's what happens when you take 12 years to develop a game.

Game On just received a somewhat cryptic form-email from development studios Deep Silver and Apogee Entertainment (a legal alias for 3D Realms) stating, simply, that "Deep Silver and Apogee Software are not affected by the situation at 3D Realms" and that "Development on the Duke Nukem Trilogy is continuing as planned." No further details were offered, or reference made to what the "situation at 3D Realms" actually is.

The situation, I suspect, is pissing money into a game for 12 years and seeing no return. I mean, I'm not financial analyst or anything, but I do know I want to ring the bell at the NYSE someday.

Duke Nukem For-Never? 3D Realms Shutting Down [pcworld]

Thanks to JMR and Nathan, who remember Duke when he was just Duke Napalmem.

Apr 1 2009 Guy Dies Playing Wii Fit, Sadly Not April Fools

25-year old England native Tim Eves collapsed and died while playing Wii Fit with his girlfriend and best friend. I am officially never working out again.

Tim Eves was 'jogging' on a Wii Fit games console as Emma Tuck and Lewis Hickin looked on, when he slumped to the floor.

The family were told he could have been killed by Sudden Adult Death Syndrome. Also known as Sudden Arrhythmia Death Syndrome, it is a disorder of the electrical system of the heart.

Those with the condition are vulnerable to an abnormal heart rhythm. During exercise the heart may stop pumping out blood, causing the brain to become deprived of blood and sudden death. The condition is estimated to kill 500 people a year.

Well Tim, I hope you're enjoying that great Wii Mii parade in the sky. Rest in peace, buddy.

'Healthy' man, 25, collapses and dies playing Wii Fit game [mailonline]

Thanks to Pat and Nathan, who vow to create public service messages about the inherent risks of exercise.

Apr 1 2009 Awesome New Products From ThinkGeek

Squeeze Bacon and a Tauntaun sleeping bag, it's about freaking time!

This high-quality sleeping bag looks just like a Tauntaun, complete with saddle, internal intestines and glowing lightsaber zipper pull. Use the lightsaber zipper pull to illustrate how Han Solo saved Luke Skywalker from certain death in the freezing climate of Hoth by slitting open the belly of a dead Tauntaun and placing Luke inside the stinking (but warm) carcass.

Awesome!

Squeez Bacon® is fully cooked 100% bacon, it requires no preservatives or other additives. Each serving is as healthy as real bacon, and equivalent to 4 premium slices of bacon! You can put it on sandwiches, pizza, pastas, bacon, soups, pies, eat it hot or cold (warm Squeez Bacon® on toasted rye is to die for), substitute it for bacon in your recipes, or even eat it right out of the tube like we do!

The Tauntaun bag will set you back $40, and a tube of Squeez Bacon® will cost you $8. Unfortunately, they're both fake and you can't buy either one (April Fools!). Still, ThinkGeek is pretty foolish for not actually making these. So who knows, maybe they will (at least the sleeping bag). Because if they don't, I'm going to. I'd just prefer they do it because I'm lazy. I haven't even left the bed today! Seriously, I'm running out of dry spots.

Squeeze Bacon
and
Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
via
ThinkGeek (with several other April Fools products)

Thanks to Chrissy Poopy Pants McBacon Lover, brittany and xring, who would totally scarf some Squeez Bacon® while nestled at the bottom of their Tauntaun sleeping bags while reading comics by flashlight.

Jan 14 2009 Cool!: Massive Underground Ant Colony

You ever wonder what an underground ant colony looks like but were always too afraid the rascally bastards would escape if you bought an ant farm? Well fear not, little girl, that's what nature shows were made for. In this episode, a bunch of assholes pour 10 tons of cement down an ant hole and then dig in the ground around it to show off its underlying shape and size. It's amazing! If you only have a couple free seconds to watch, skip to about 1:15 to start the good stuff. But if you have a couple free minutes to watch....screw the video, meet me in the supply closet.

Youtube

Thanks to Dan, who has termites in his pants but thankfully doesn't have a peg-penis. Still -- morning wood, Dan, be careful.

Sep 11 2008 Awh Man: Indian Girl Kills Herself Over Fear Of World-Ending Large Hadron Collider

Damn, this is some sadness. Chayya, a 16-year old Indian girl from Madhya Pradesh, drank pesticide and killed herself over fear of the Large Hadron Collider going online and destroying the earth. I send my deepest sympathies to Chayya's family and pray, for the sake of my own soul, that she never read Geekologie.

R.I.P. Chayya

Indian Teen Commits Suicide Over LHC Fears [uberreview]

PSA: THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL NOT DESTROY THE PLANET.

Sep 5 2008 Study: Sports Cars Really Do Turn Women On

Despite containing drivers with notoriously small packages, women really are turned on by exotic sports cars, according to a study recently conducted by British insurer Hiscox (!).

To test the theory that high-performance cars get people hot, Moxon had 40 men and women listen to recordings of the three Italian exotics and a Volkswagen Polo. Everyone had significantly more testosterone after hearing the exotics, and all of the women were turned on by the Maserati. The guys, on the other hand, were drawn to the Lamborghini.

"We saw significant peaks in the amount of testosterone in the body, particularly in women," Maxon says, noting that even women who said they had no interest in cars were turned on. "Testosterone is indicative of positive arousal in the human body so we can confidently conclude from the results out today that the roar of a luxury car engine actually does cause a primeval physiological response."

Wait a minute -- testosterone is what makes a person turned on? So what if I buy a Ferrari to impress the chicks, but then end up in a steady relationship? Will she, you know, dude-ify? Because, as the saying goes: fool me once, shame on you, but you grow a penis and this relationship is f***in' over.

Hit the jump for videos of each car so you can hear for yourself.

Continue Reading " Study: Sports Cars Really Do Turn Women On "

Jul 14 2008 Russian Ravers Go Blind From Laser Show

As many as 29 people may have partial vision loss as the result of a laser light show at an outdoor rave near Moscow last week. Several have experienced vision loss as high as 80 percent.

Attendees said heavy rains forced organizers to erect massive tents for the all-night dance party, and lasers that normally illuminate upwards into the sky were instead partially refracted into the ravers' eyes.

Now don't get me wrong, a person losing their vision is freaking awful, and I hope all those affected by this show can get some kind of help. But the point I'd like to make is this: a laser light show where the possibility of going blind doesn't exist is a crappy laser light show. You might as well hire a kid swinging a flashlight on a string. Seriously though folks, I wish these ravers the best and would like to remind you, the reader, to be careful with your eyes. Like testicles*, you only get two.

*Or ovaries.

Ravers lose sight at Russian laser show [reuters]

Thanks Mark and Romeo, have either one of you ever bitten through a glow-stick? I have, it tasted awful.

Jul 11 2008 Redneck Mansion: Too Good To Be True

I knew when I saw these pictures they were too good to be true. And sadly, they are. I had to do some interweb spelunking but, finally, got to the bottom of their origin. Touted around the net as a "redneck mansion", the structure was actually the set for a performance of Anton Chekhov's play Ivanov at an outdoor theater in Amsterdam. So yeah, shit. Still an awesome setup though, I'd totally live there. Anybody want to get together and build something similar? I'm thinking something like an Ewok village in the trees, but with double-wides. Who's with me? Also, I apologize to all of those who had their hopes up for this being a real redneck mansion. Believe me, I was right there with you. This is the second time in 24 hours I've been tricked into thinking something was something that it's not. The first being the dude still asleep in my bed.

Hit the jump for a couple more pictures of the thing.

Continue Reading " Redneck Mansion: Too Good To Be True "

Jul 10 2008 Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes

This is the first I'd heard about the limited edition Star Wars x Adidas Super Stars sneakers (do people still say sneakers? I do) but apparently they came out a couple months ago and were limited to 800 pairs per side of the force (that's 800 dark side, 800 light side). So they're probably already snatched up. I looked on eBay and nada. So, yeah, I guess I'm gonna have to write a couple threatening letters to Adidas to send me a pair.

Great attention to detail was taken by Adidas for these sneakers. The "Yoda" Super Stars feature a hemp upper much like something the Jedi Master wore on his home planet of Dagobah. In addition to the good choice of colors and materials, Adidas also covered the lace tips in the neon green color of Yoda's lightsaber. The "Darth Vader" Super Stars takes inspiration from the characters mask. The parallel lines on the side are like that covering Vader's mouth and the black patent leather to represent the glossy finish. Again Adidas finished off the kicks with red lace tips to match Vader's lightsaber.

Okay, so I just found a place that had been selling them (sold out now) for $275. Which, around here, is the same price as 11 mediocre lap dances (22 on buy one get one free night). And, honestly, which would feel better on your weary soles(!)? The prosecution rests.

Hit the jump for a ton more pictures of both the Vader and Yoda models.

Continue Reading " Limited Edition Star Wars Adidas Shoes "

Jul 7 2008 Back To The Future II Marty McFly Hyperdunks Coming Next Month, No Word On Hoverboard

In a move that makes Nike infinitely cooler in my eyes, the company had decided to release a model similar to those seen in Back to the Future II. Of course I'll never buy them, but at least they're trying. Unfortunately the Marty McFly Hyperdunks have laces and don't vacuum-fit to your feet. So the similarities basically end at looking kind of like the ones in the movie. They do sport "Flywire technology" though, which doesn't mean anything really except they're allegedly lightweight. Available late next month (July) for an undisclosed amount of future money, I'll most certainly be passing. The time machine is near completion so I'll just travel to the future and snag the real thing.

UPDATE: Just went for my first spin into the future.
Bad news: There are no cool shoes in the future, only killer robots.
Good news: I called it, pay up!

Hit the jump for the scene in the movie where Marty first puts the shoes on.

Continue Reading " Back To The Future II Marty McFly Hyperdunks Coming Next Month, No Word On Hoverboard "

Jun 26 2008 Brothel On Wheels Gets Busted, I Weep

Well folks, in an attempt to take away our Eighth Amendment right (the right to pay for and receive sexual acts in the back of a moving vehicle) the FBI busted what they're calling a "brothel-on-wheels" in Miami.

Miami Beach undercover detectives who paid a $40 entry fee and boarded a stretch limousine bus Sunday found women onboard offering oral sex and lap dances for money, authorities said.

Authorities arrested Christine Morteh, 29, of Miramar, and the driver, Clyde Scott, along with four other people Sunday. Miami-Dade jail spokeswoman Janell Hall said Morteh faces charges including offering to commit or engage in prostitution, conducting business without a license, directing another to a place of prostitution and deriving support from prostitution.

Whoa, whoa, whoa -- those sound like some pretty serious charges. Completely inappropriate. I was thinking more along the lines of a gas card and handicapped parking sticker.

Cops bust alleged brothel-on-wheels in Miami [cnn]

Thanks Romeo, but I kind of wish you had notified me about this service earlier.

Jun 11 2008 Office Rampage Video That Was So Awesome Is Indeed Fake, Viral Marketing For Wanted

Remember the bad-to-the-ass office rampage video from last week? Turns out it's fake after all. And if that wasn't bad enough, it was a viral marketing video made by Russian director Timur Bekmambetov to hype his new movie, Wanted, starring Angelina Jolie and James MacAvoy. Good job Timur, you totally had me fooled. And for successfully pulling off the hoax I will now reward you by boycotting Wanted. And not just because I hate being tricked, but because you're an asshole and the movie will probably suck anyways. So Timur, you better pray The Iwatchstuff Writer says that shit is solid freaking gold, otherwise I'm picketing the hell out of the local theater.

Cubicle Farm Rampage Video Was Just A Viral Marketing Stunt [gizmodo]

Jun 6 2008 Video Of The B-2 Bomber Crash Released

Remember the B-2 Bomber that crashed in February? Well the government has finally released footage of the $1.2 billion disaster after verifying there were no aliens, terrorists, zombies, polygamists, or rogue robots involved. It's pretty sad to watch, especially since the camera operator has the motor skills of a newborn. The first half of the video is another B-2 taking off, so skip through halfway to see the second one that actually crashes. It's not super-crazy or anything, but the crew ejector-seating out was neat to watch. The rest is just sad. Like the family video of me crashing my bike as a kid. You can hear my dad laughing and telling the neighbor he loosened a bunch of bolts.

Another video after the jump, but it cuts out right before the crash.

Continue Reading " Video Of The B-2 Bomber Crash Released "

Feb 28 2008 Steampunk Taxidermy Is As Disturbing As You Probably Imagined, Maybe Even More So

I love steampunk. I don't love steampunk taxidermy. The two go together about as well as my privates and a spiked bat. Which, from experience, is a painful match up. I'm sure there are some of you out there that can really appreciate these, but you're sickos. One more of a ferret after the jump, but you'll have to hit the gallery link to see the rest, I have morals and principles (not really) that prevent me from posting them myself. That said, I still want the Beaver PC.

Continue Reading " Steampunk Taxidermy Is As Disturbing As You Probably Imagined, Maybe Even More So "