Sep 30 2008 Dorky Self Defense
This is an instructional video about how to defend yourself in the likely event that someone is attacking you because you looked at them funny. I tried a couple of the moves out on a coworker, and I must admit: there was some definite arousal.
Youtube
Thanks to P05TMAN, who'll get your shit delivered even after the Large Hadron Collider destroys the planet.
May 27 2008 A Shocking Jacket For Personal Protection
Forget tasers ladies, the No-Contact Jacket is where it's at.
The No-Contact Jacket is a wearable defensive jacket created to aid women in their struggle for protection from violence. When activated by the wearer, 80,000 volts of low amperage electric current pulses just below the surface shell of the entire jacket. This exo-electric armor prevents any person from unauthorized contact with the wearer's body.
Pretty freaking sweet. The little blue things you see in the picture up near the lady's neck is actually arcing current. Man that's awesome. I'm getting one for my girlfriend, I'll let you know how she likes it.
UPDATE: She liked it a lot until she wiped her nose on the sleeve. Now she's on the kitchen floor with smoke coming out of her eyes.
Several more pictures, including a close-up of the arcing accent, and a link to two videos, after the jump.
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May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
Apr 23 2008 Founder Of Jedi Church Attacked In Yard By A Drunk Man Dressed In Black Garbage Bag And Wielding Crutch Yelling "Darth Vader!"
Barney Jones is the founder of the Jedi Church. One afternoon he and his cousin were doing their typical thing, you know, filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the yard, when Arwel Wynne Hughes jumped over the garden wall donning a black garbage bag and cape. He had recently put down a 10 liter box of wine, and was wielding a metal crutch. He yelled "Darth Vader!" and hit Barney in the head with his makeshift lightcrutch. Laughing, he then beat Barney's cousin in the leg for good measure.
Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told. Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining (Arwel's) life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.
Arwel has since been convicted of two counts of assault, and one count of very poorly impersonating a Star Wars villain.
Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault [bbcnews]
Thanks to Liz, patron saint of beauty and intelligence in the Church of Geekologie, for the tip
Mar 24 2008 Shirt Allegedly Protects From Knife Slashes
This shirt from Nihon Uni of Japan allegedly protects its wearer from knife attacks. But be warned -- only slashes, NOT stabs. They cost anywhere from $190-$522 for short-sleeved models and $220-$590 for the long. The shirts are constructed of a ultrahigh molecular weight polyethylene fiber that's 3x the strength of cotton. Apparently they were designed to address the recent increase in knife attacks on convenience store clerks and children in Japan. If these really help then I'm all for them. However I'm going to hold out for the stab proof version myself. When the wife gets mad she doesn't get all slashy on me, she gets stabby. And, on more than one occasion, shooty.
Meshy T-shirt from Japan protects you from Knife attacks but not Shurikens [newlaunches]
Mar 19 2008 The Runt Still Manages To Pack A Punch
At only 3.25", the Runt stun gun is pretty damn small (but still puts me to shame). They come in 350,000, 650,000 and 950,000 volt models and there's even a rechargeable 950 model that plugs directly into the wall via retractable plug. It'll operate about 300-500 times on a full charge, which is good because thats how many times I like to shock attackers. The rechargeable version costs $70, and all the other ones are cheaper. I'd been thinking about getting a stun gun for my girlfriend for some time, and I decided to go with one of these since it's nice and compact. She hates it. Mostly because I told her it was a handheld electrolysis hair remover. You should have seen her trying to get rid of her mustache, priceless.
The Runt - A Matchbook Sized Stun Gun [ohgizmo]
Aug 28 2007 Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe
If you're tired of being beat up and robbed, then the Stunning Ring may be something to consider. By no means stunning in the traditional jewelry sense, it does pack the strongest dose of pepper spray available, over 400 times that of a regular jalapeno. It projects a 12 inch spray that can nauseate, burn, and otherwise maim would be attackers. The ring costs $30, and spray refills are $8. You should have seen the time I jokingly got down on one knee and presented this to my girlfriend. She swooped in to see if there was a real diamond and I doused her right in the eyes. Oh god, we still laugh about that to this day. Just kidding, she left me that night.
Pepper Spray Ring Keeps You Safe [gizmodo]
