Jul 1 2009 Like I Don't Have Enough To Worry About: Mega Ant Colony Is Taking Over The World
Ant colonies, like rabbits, are cuddly prolific. So prolific, in fact, scientists have just discovered a single interrelated colony of Argentine ants that has populated much of the globe. ATTAAACK!
The colony may be the largest of its type ever known for any insect species, and could rival humans in the scale of its world domination.
While ants are usually highly territorial, those living within each super-colony are tolerant of one another, even if they live tens or hundreds of kilometres apart. Each super-colony, however, was thought to be quite distinct.But it now appears that billions of Argentine ants around the world all actually belong to one single global mega-colony.
So they're all relatives. But way more so than say, you and I are. So....it's cool if I touch your butt, right? I mean it's not like we're ants or anything.
Ant mega-colony takes over world [bbcnews]
Thanks to Alistair and 2MechanicalArms, who may or may not have fire ants in their pants. They do, I put them there.
May 20 2009 Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit
Want to look like a shark attack victim? I know, who doesn't? Well now thanks to a line of wetsuits by Diddo (the same guy that created these designer gas masks), you can. But if shark attack victim isn't for you, what about an anatomical muscle suit? Or wood? Or a rusted pattern? Hit the jump to see all the options. Currently only available in limited editions, the wetsuits will hit full production sometime in the near future. Just don't expect me to fall for the shark attack thing more than once. And speaking of which, have I ever told you about the time I faked drowning so the sexy lifeguard would perform mouth to mouth? His mustache was scratchy.
Hit it for some more worthwhile shots.
Continue Reading " Crying Wolf: The Fake Shark Attack Wetsuit "
Apr 12 2009 Woody Harrelson Assaults 'Zombie' Paparazzo
And in celebrity-related undead news, Woody Harrelson beat up a photographer and blamed it on the fact he thought the dude was a zombie. Good lookin', Woody.
Harrelson, who is being sued by another TMZ photographer for an alleged assault in 2006, did not deny his involvement.
"I wrapped a movie called 'Zombieland,' in which I was constantly under assault by zombies, then flew to New York, still very much in character," Harrelson said in a statement issued Friday by his publicist."With my daughter at the airport I was startled by a paparazzo, who I quite understandably mistook for a zombie," he said.
Ha, quite understandably is right. But seriously, Woody, how'd you sneak weed on the plane?
Woody Harrelson claims he mistook photographer for zombie [cnn]
Thanks to Larry, RyanThePerson, Evan and 4thirty, who once beat up a group of vampire paparazzi before realizing they were just a bunch of pale Twihards trying to score a picture of Robert Patteson.
Mar 20 2009
He's So Cute!: Ninja Cat Part Two Three
Remember ninja cat? How could you forget, that furry little bastard was cute, cute, cute! And how about ninja cat two? That one was a scrumptious little muffin-top too! And now, ninja cat 3! Oh, and I love the sound the guy makes in the end. Sounds like....victory.
Ninja Kitteh Part 2! [icanhascheezburger]
Thanks to Amanda and Jared, who once battled ninja cats for 14 hours straight before admitting defeat.
Mar 18 2009 Tool Box Must: Multi-Purpose Halligan Rescues Kittens From Burning Buildings And Brains Zombies With Equal Dexterity
The Halligan Bar is a tool used by both fire fighters and rescue workers to bash open doors, pry shit off other shit, and all around beat the hell out of stuff. And now you can own one. The 30" bar is available in alloy steel (10 lbs, $195) and titanium (5.25 lbs, $555) and is a must-have for anybody with any interest in surviving the zombie apocalypse. Just imagine a zombie's head on the end of that thing. Oh I'm sorry, did I just get you excited? Good, meet me in the janitor's closet in five. Now, don't get up as the same time as me, someone might get suspicious. Or, in The Superficial Writer's case, jealous. THERE WAS NO SPARK -- move on already.
Halligan Bar [cooltools]
Thanks to hayden, who once punched a zombie in the mouth so hard all its teeth fell out so hayden gathered them all up and put them under a pillow but the tooth fairy didn't come. What a sham!
Sep 30 2008 Dorky Self Defense
This is an instructional video about how to defend yourself in the likely event that someone is attacking you because you looked at them funny. I tried a couple of the moves out on a coworker, and I must admit: there was some definite arousal.
Youtube
Thanks to P05TMAN, who'll get your shit delivered even after the Large Hadron Collider destroys the planet.
May 13 2008 Video Of Darth Drunkard Attacking Jedis Is Sadly Not Nearly As Exciting As I Had Hoped
Remember when that drunk guy wearing a garbage bag and swinging a lightcrutch tried to beat up on the founder of the Jedi Church? Well it turns out the event was videotaped. But sadly, the scene is nothing compared to the one I had imagined. The only time I got excited was when he swung the crutch and almost caught dude in the nose. But he didn't. He just hit the cameraman over the head and then ran away. Making him the suckiest drunk Darth Vader impersonator ever. I make a better Drunk Vader, and all I do is wear black and breath heavy. Although once I did try to use the Force (read: a grappling hook) to score a free bottle of bourbon from behind the bar. Unfortunately I miscalculated the swing, clocked myself in the head, and fell off the barstool bleeding. Now I know what you're thinking -- "Damn yo, the Force is weak with The Geekologie Writer." And sadly, you're correct.
Oh, and as an update to the story, dude had to pay $500 and won't be serving the 12-month sentence originally expected.
Apr 23 2008 Founder Of Jedi Church Attacked In Yard By A Drunk Man Dressed In Black Garbage Bag And Wielding Crutch Yelling "Darth Vader!"
Barney Jones is the founder of the Jedi Church. One afternoon he and his cousin were doing their typical thing, you know, filming themselves playing with lightsabers in the yard, when Arwel Wynne Hughes jumped over the garden wall donning a black garbage bag and cape. He had recently put down a 10 liter box of wine, and was wielding a metal crutch. He yelled "Darth Vader!" and hit Barney in the head with his makeshift lightcrutch. Laughing, he then beat Barney's cousin in the leg for good measure.
Hughes could not remember the incident and only realised what had happened when he read about it in local newspapers, the court told. Defending, Frances Jones said alcohol was "ruining (Arwel's) life" and he had no idea where he got the crutch from.
Arwel has since been convicted of two counts of assault, and one count of very poorly impersonating a Star Wars villain.
Drunk Darth Vader's Jedi assault [bbcnews]
Thanks to Liz, patron saint of beauty and intelligence in the Church of Geekologie, for the tip
Mar 24 2008 Shirt Allegedly Protects From Knife Slashes
This shirt from Nihon Uni of Japan allegedly protects its wearer from knife attacks. But be warned -- only slashes, NOT stabs. They cost anywhere from $190-$522 for short-sleeved models and $220-$590 for the long. The shirts are constructed of a ultrahigh molecular weight polyethylene fiber that's 3x the strength of cotton. Apparently they were designed to address the recent increase in knife attacks on convenience store clerks and children in Japan. If these really help then I'm all for them. However I'm going to hold out for the stab proof version myself. When the wife gets mad she doesn't get all slashy on me, she gets stabby. And, on more than one occasion, shooty.
Meshy T-shirt from Japan protects you from Knife attacks but not Shurikens [newlaunches]
Mar 5 2008 Quantum Sleeper Bed Protects From Chemical Attacks, Natural Disasters And Kidnappers
The Quantum Sleeper is essentially a saferoom built around a bed. It comes packed with all the following features:
1.25" Polycarbonate Bulletproof Plating/Shielding, Bio-Chemical Filtered Ventilation, Rebreather, Control Panel Mode Selection (i.e., Basic System Ops., Intruder Setting, Energy Status, Lock Down, etc.), Cover & Door Actuators w/ Emergency Release, One way see through head cover (reflective mirror on 2 sides and front), Safety Features (Proximity Sensor, O2 Sensor, Smoke Det., Motion Det. Ect,), Emergency Communication system (Cellular, Short-wave Radio, CB etc.), Audio Amplifier (Amplify sound from outside unit), Air/Water Tight Sealing, External Override Key Pad & Remote Control, Battery Backup Power, Toiletry system
Wow, looks like they've got all the bases covered for overprotective parents and people who are afraid of everything. Too bad I saw that movie Panic Room with Jodie Foster and she was totally not hot. Completely turned me off to panic and safe rooms. However this bed does come with options for a microwave and refrigerator. Make sure to add The Rack and then you might have something worth investing in. Unfortunately models start at over $100,000 -- so chances are you'll just have to die instead.
Thanks to Karolyn, who doesn't need one of these because she's a certified ass-kicking machine, for the tip
