Jul 9 2009 Graphene: The Material Of Tomorrow, Today

Science, best known for inventing robots and dooming the earth, is now responsible for a new carbon wonder material called graphene. Nice, science, way to do good for once.

Imagine a carbon sheet that's only one atom thick but is stronger than diamond and conducts electricity 100 times faster than the silicon in computer chips.

"It is the thinnest known material in the universe, and the strongest ever measured," Andre Geim , a physicist at the University of Manchester, England , wrote in the June 19 issue of the journal Science.

Like diamond, graphene is pure carbon. It forms a six-sided mesh of atoms that, through an electron microscope, looks like a honeycomb or piece of chicken wire. Despite its strength, it's as flexible as plastic wrap and can be bent, folded or rolled up like a scroll.

Hell yes graphene scrolls! Most practical application EVER. You hear that papyrus? YOU ARE OUTTA HERE! Don't let the Dead Sea hit you on your way out.

New wonder material, one-atom thick, has scientists abuzz [yahoonews]

Thanks to FDSY, who, based on the excitement in his email, popped like 16 boners at the very thought of graphene.

Jul 9 2009 Just When You Thought We Were Safe: LHC

That's right folks, the people over at CERN are getting ready to fire the Large Hadron Collider back up this fall. And, well, it's been nice knowing you. Most of you anyways. Okay, just a few of you. Kidding, I love you all. GIMME KISSIES!

To that end, CERN gave the LHC's massive network a thorough stress test at the end of last month. The Collider sent out data to 11 computer centers across Europe, Asia, and North America, which in turn relayed the data to 140 locations in 33 countries to be crunched. A whopping 4 GB a second was cranked out from the LHC, though researchers predict that, while operating, the LHC will only send out around 1.3 GB of data. In other words, the Large Hadron Collider's network should be good to go.

If all goes well, we should hear more about the LHC in the near future, as it ramps up for it's firing in October.

You know, this reminds me of the time when I was a kid that I was so afraid there was a monster in my closet that I couldn't fall asleep. And then, exhausted, I finally passed out only to be abducted by aliens and viciously probed. Yeah, this is just like that.

Large Hadron Collider completes massive stress test [dvice]

Thanks, or should I say no thanks, to Retroprofile, who keeps his Facebook page oldschool.

Jun 18 2009 It's A Boy!: Periodic Table Gets New Element

That's right young'n, the periodic table finally gave birth to element 112, temporarily named 'Ununbium', until it's official name 'Geekologium' can be verified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), who I may or may not be holding at gunpoint. I SAID SIGN THE PAPERS!

More than a decade after experiments first produced a single atom of the element, a team of German scientists has been credited with its discovery.

The team, led by Sigurd Hofmann at the Centre for Heavy Ion Research, must propose a name for their find, before it can be formally added to the table.

To create element 112, Professor Hofmann's team used a 120m-long particle accelerator to fire a beam of charged zinc atoms (or zinc ions) at lead atoms. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form the nucleus of the new element.

Oh yeah? Well I was born when a beam of charged awesome atoms were fired at badass ones. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form my nuts. Then, a stork wrapped me in a blanket and flew off. But mid-flight I cut myself out of the sack and parachuted behind enemy lines, where I shot the everliving shit out of them. And that, my friends, is how I became the youngest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Awesome.

Periodic table gets a new element [bbcnews]

Thanks to Ari and Julian, who were born after a sperm fused with an egg.

Mar 25 2009 Wow: Man Survived Two Atomic Bombings

93-year old Tsutomu Yamaguchi was recently recognized as the first survivor of both the Nagasaki and Hiroshima atomic bomb droppings of 1945. Allegedly, he still pisses depleted uranium.

Yamaguchi was in Hiroshima on a business trip on Aug. 6, 1945, when a U.S. B-29 dropped an atomic bomb on the city. He suffered serious burns to his upper body and spent the night in the city. He then returned to his hometown of Nagasaki just in time for the second attack, city officials said.

"As far as we know, he is the first one to be officially recognized as a survivor of atomic bombings in both Hiroshima and Nagasaki," Nagasaki city official Toshiro Miyamoto said.

Thousands of survivors continue to seek official recognition after the government rejected their eligibility for compensation. The government last year eased the requirements for being certified as a survivor, following criticism the rules were too strict and neglected many who had developed illnesses that doctors have linked to radiation

Speaking of radiation, I want some freaking superpowers already -- and I'm not afraid to go atomic to get them. Atomic Fireballs that is! *CRUNCH* ZOMG, too hot, too hot!!!

Man Survived 2 Atomic Bombings [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat and MoD, who have both survived three bombings and now have x-ray vision. So, what color underwear am I wearing, guys? Ha, those are my nuts is right!

Mar 22 2009 I Need Some!: Mercury(II) Thiocyanate

Mercury Thiocyanate used to be made into "Pharoah's Serpent" fireworks similar to the "black snake" tablets you light and watch grow into a crusty snake. Unfortunately, it produces mercury vapors during the process so now the tablets are made out of a much safer sodium bicarbonate compound. Boo, I know. Still, wicked awesome if you can get your hands on some. Which, thanks to my ultra-sweet Geekologie connections, I just have. So -- are you thinking what I'm thinking? If you guessed, "glue-stick a bunch to my penis and try to impress women at the bar", you are. High-five! Haha, that was just glue-stick, I swear. Now watch this!

UPDATE: IT BUUUUUUUURNS! *helicoptering* Ladies?

Youtube

Thanks to John, who once beat Mr. Wizard in a match-holding contest.

Mar 15 2009 The Periodic Table Of Video Game Charcters

Wow, what a periodic weekend! First yesterday's table of typefaces, and now one of video game characters! WOO WOO! Hit THIS to see the thing in its entirety. So, what do you think? Personally, I think it's questionable as hell. It looks like they just threw characters into spots based on their names with no regard for valence shells or reactivity. Now, I hate to be a stickler for science, but why is Neon dry humping his bed's footboard?

IHC's Periodic Table of Video Game Characters [iheartchaos]

Thanks to JJ, who's smart enough to realize Raiden and Kratos don't belong in the noble gases.

Feb 10 2009 Large Hadron Collider Still Not Colliding

Apparently now that the LHC has Google doing its bidding, it's taking it easy and won't become operational anytime soon. Unless September is considered soon, in which case, shit, I won't live to see the finale of LOST.

The Large Hadron Collider could be switched back on in September - a year after it shut down due to a malfunction and several months later than expected.

An investigation into the LHC's problems concluded the initial malfunction was caused by a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. Cern had also said new protection systems would be added as part of £14m repairs.

It blamed the shutdown on the failure of a single, badly soldered electrical connection in one of its super-cooled magnet sections.

I applaud you, nameless faulty solderer. I just hope you and the other saboteurs have something planned for September, lest we all get sucked into a worm hole and wind up in some alien's petting zoo. Which, I think we can all agree, would -- wait, you think they have dinosaurs?

Hadron Collider relaunch delayed [bbcnews]

Thanks to Richie-Con-Carne, who tastes delicious with Sriracha hot sauce.

Feb 6 2009 Moon, Here I Come!: Scientists Succeed In Teleporting Matter A Whole Three Feet

That's right folks, I estimate in a few short months we'll all be able to teleport ourselves to our favorite vacation spots. Or inside a bank vault -- or the women's locker room! The possibilities I'm imagining are staggering, and, for the most part, illegal. Awh yeah -- breaking the law with science!

No one is galaxy-hopping, or even beaming people around, but for the first time, information has been teleported between two separate atoms across a distance of a meter -- about a yard.

In the Jan. 23 issue of the journal Science, the scientists report that, by using their protocol, atom-to-atom teleported information can be recovered with perfect accuracy about 90 percent of the time -- and that figure can be improved.

Well I would hope that figure can be improved. If 1 out of 10 teleporters winds up with their penis for an arm, well, I want a penis arm! Seriously though, I think we can all agree: this is one small step for man, one ironically giant leap for me never having to move again. Tele-beer me!

Hit the link for a much more in-depth article that better explains the science behind teleportation (read: transfer of quantum information).

Scientist Teleport Matter More Than Three Feet [foxnews]

Thanks to Chuck Nunchuck, Marc and Pete, who once teleported themselves to China to ride in a rickshaw.

Dec 1 2008 Large Hadron Collider May Never Start Again

Well, that's a lie. Actually, no it's not. *brandishing crowbar* At least not if I have something say about it! Anyway, the LHC, which was thought to only be down until the spring, may not kill us all until late 2009, or even 2010. We're saved (but still be wary of terrorists)!

According to spokesperson James Gillies, the complicated repairs can be simplified into modest Plan A and Plan B approach.

Plan A is a quick and dirty fix, getting the particle accelerator online as quickly as possible (late summer 2009) at the cost of operating at lower power. In this scenario, 3 of 8 pressure relief-system segments are replaced (only the broken ones) with the other 5 getting upgraded at unsaid maintenance dates in the future.

Plan B is the more extensive but also more delayed approach, requiring the complete redesign and replacement of the LHC's entire pressure-relief system. Under this scenario, the LHC wouldn't go online until 2010 at the earliest, though at that time the system could operate at full power.

Well, looks like we're gonna have to find another way to destroy the planet in the meantime. Any ideas? I'm thinking good old fashioned CFCs. Or, alternatively, whip-its. Just remember: stop before the whipcream comes out. You squirt it, you buy it -- grocery store policy.

LHC Might Not Be Back Online Until 2010 or Later [gizmodo]

Thanks to Harrison, who promises to help me break into CERN and rollerskate around in the hallways.

Oct 23 2008 Cool!: The World's Smallest Writing

Japanese scientists have written the world's smallest letters using only a handful of atoms.

a research team at Osaka University has "written" the letters "Si" using an atomic pen that interchanges silicon and tin atoms, enabling those who have the time, resources, and patience to manipulate said atoms one by one. The results are a diminutive 2 x 2 nm (or 40,000 times smaller than a strand of hair) which took about an hour and a half to complete.

That's impressive and all, but I once had an Asian lady write my whole name on a grain of rice at the mall. Suck on that one, scientists!

Atomic pen achieves invisible victory [engadget]

Thanks to mkaggie, who can actually write with individual electrons.

Sep 15 2008 Uh-Oh: Large Hadron Collider Hacked, Countdown To Destruction Initiated !!

Last week a group of hackers busted all up in the Large Hadron Collider's network and did stuff. Okay, so they didn't really do anything. That we know about.

Calling themselves the Greek Security Team, the interlopers mocked the IT used on the project, describing the technicians responsible for security as "a bunch of schoolkids."

However, despite an ominous warning "don't mess with us," the hackers said they had no intention of disrupting the work of the atom smasher.

"We're pulling your pants down because we don't want to see you running around naked looking to hide yourselves when the panic comes," they wrote in Greek in a rambling note posted on the LHC's network.

Of course they're not going to disrupt the atom smashing. They have to make sure the LHC is fully functional before they bust back in. Then they'll use the system's time machining capabilities to travel back in time and fulfill man's quest to have sex with dinosaurs. Lizard people yo, lizard people.

Hit the jump for a video explaining the experiments conducted using the LHC.

Continue Reading " Uh-Oh: Large Hadron Collider Hacked, Countdown To Destruction Initiated !! "

Sep 10 2008 Large Hadron Collider Successfully Tested, Hasn't Destroyed Earth...Yet. Also, Stephen Hawking Chimes In On The Higgs Boson

CERN's Large Hadron Collider went online yesterday and completed it's first major test.

The world's largest particle collider passed its first major tests by firing two beams of protons in opposite directions around a 17-mile (27-kilometer) underground ring Wednesday in what scientists hope is the next great step to understanding the makeup of the universe.

Eventually two beams will be fired at the same time in opposite directions with the aim of recreating conditions a split second after the big bang, which scientists theorize was the massive explosion that created the universe.

We're doomed. And related news, Stephen Hawking is betting against the machine discovering the Higgs boson, aka "God's particle", a particle "believed to give mass to all other particles, and thus to matter that makes up the universe."

"I think it will be much more exciting if we don't find the Higgs. That will show something is wrong, and we need to think again. I have a bet of 100 dollars that we won't find the Higgs," added Hawking, "and another 100 that we all freaking die. AAAAHH!"

Massive particle collider passes first key tests [yahoo]
and
Hawking bets CERN mega-machine won't find 'God's Particle" [yahoo]
and
Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the earth yet? (definitely check it out)

Thanks Amanda and Pat -- but don't worry, we'll be safe under my bed.

Aug 27 2008 This Is What Happens...

When the CERN Large Hadron Collider starts crashing particles into shit next month. I can hardly wait!

Hit the jump for a highly questionable (yet informative) video of some chick singing a rap song about the collider.

Continue Reading " This Is What Happens... "

Jun 30 2008 Awh, How Cute: Subatomic Particle Plushies

So how can we dispel the fear that the world is going to be sucked into a black hole by the CERN Large Hadron Collider and leave us all to eat in the dark? Ooh, I know -- subatomic particle plushies! That's right folks, the Particle Zoo is now selling all your favorite particles. They're $9 apiece and can be purchased separately or in sets (that's not even all of them in the picture there). Each is packed with a material appropriate for their mass (lighter ones filled with foam, heavier ones with gravel). Whee! I love soft things. But be warned: the last time I thought I was bringing a charm quark home she turned out to be strange. I did get to see her photons though.

Hit the jump for more pictures and a link to the store.

Continue Reading " Awh, How Cute: Subatomic Particle Plushies "

Apr 24 2008 Forget Time Travel, Now We're All Gonna Die

Remember the two Russians that were convinced the CERN Large Hadron Collider would tear a hole in the fabric of time so we can all travel to the future and ride hoverboards or the past and have sex with dinosaurs? Well now there are two gentlemen fighting a legal battle in Hawaii to prevent CERN from ever colliding anything. Why? They're convinced it'll open a black hole bigger than my girlfriend's gaping pie-hole, swallowing the earth -- and possibly the whole galaxy! My oh my.

Walter Wagner and Luis Sancho contend that scientists at the European Center for Nuclear Research, or CERN, have played down the chances that the collider could produce, among other horrors, a tiny black hole, which, they say, could eat the Earth. Or it could spit out something called a "strangelet" that would convert our planet to a shrunken dense dead lump of something called "strange matter." Their suit also says CERN has failed to provide an environmental impact statement as required under the U.S. National Environmental Policy Act.

Wow guys, way to be a bunch of weenies. You two never blew things up when you were kids did you? You know, you could learn a thing or two from Everett about living on the edge. I say f*** it -- if the thing creates a black hole and turns us into a shit-like lump of dead matter, we won't even be around to notice anyway. Screw it. Besides, I'm really banking on the whole time travel thing. Which is why I volunteered to have the particles collided with my face. If there's anybody who's gonna the be first to ride a tyrannosaurus rex while shooting at other dinosaurs with a giant laser beam, it's this guy. That's right baby, real life Dino-Riders! Now who's with me?

Try this headline: Black Hole Eats Earth [intl'heraldtribune]

Thanks to Kiyoshi, the only one who can stop the world from ending, for the tip

Mar 13 2008 Scientists Build Coilgun That Stops "Bullets"

Scientists at the University of Texas-Austin have developed a coilgun that can allegedly stop projectiles in mid-air. The coilgun works in the opposite manner of a typical coilgun -- this one slowing down projectiles as opposed to speeding them up. Unfortunately (and I know you will all hate me for this) the "bullets" used in the tests are atom and molecule sized. Not .38s or 9mms or anything like that. But still, it's a step.

The coilgun consists of 64 hand-made units (about $25 each) and is powered by its own capacitor. Here's how it works: The researchers trap particles from the air, store them in a tiny chamber, and release them in the direction of the gun. When a particle reaches the gun and encounters the coils, each coil's magnetic field progressively slows the particle down without touching it. The coilgun brought atoms and molecules traveling at 500 meters per second (1,118 mph) to a complete stop.

Yeah, a lot less exciting than I made it out to be. I apologize. I mean, they already have things that can stop bullets. It's called me. Well, to be fair I haven't actually stopped any bullets. I'd like to think my vital organs slowed them down a bit though. Anyway, the eventual goal of this coilgun project is to weigh neutrinos, which, if I had to guess, are particles that don't want to get involved in the fight between positrinos and negatrinos. But what do I know? I'm no scientist. I'm just a guy who sneaks into the physics lab to heat my coffee with a laser.

Magnetic Gun Stops Teen Bullets Mid-Air [discoverynews]

Thanks to Michelle, who is aw-aw-AWESOME, for the tip

Feb 11 2008 Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner

Two Russian scientists claim that the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a particle accelerator in Switzerland, may be the world's first time machine. They're in the process of trying to recreate a miniature Big Bang. They're not sure exactly what will happen, but my guess is destroy the planet somehow. The first particle smash goes down in May, and they believe it may create a rip in the fabric of time, making time travel possible. I don't know about all that, but one time I did an experiment where I collided a subatomic toot with the particles of my jeans, creating a rip in the fabric of Levi's. But there wasn't any time traveling afterwards, just a stink and ruined pants.

News video after the jump, complete with some Back To The Future scenes

Continue Reading " Uh Oh: Russians Think Time Machine Is Right Around The Corner "