Sep 3 2009 'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)

MORE: 2012 , apocalpyse , astronauts , boom! , booosh! , dangerous , doomsday , earth , i would blow that shit up with my superpowers , it's the end of the world as we know it , life , life isn't fair , planet , superman , that's how the dinosaurs went , uh-oh

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Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.

NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.


So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.

Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.

Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]

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May 15 2009 Universe's Largest Black Hole Discovered

MORE: astronauts , astronomy , black , black hole , hole , huge , i'm gonna fly my rocketship right into the middle of it! , it was frickin' huge , large and in charge , light , massive , outerspace , physics

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Allegedly astronomers have discovered the universe's most massive black hole. How massive? Think my ex-wife's gaping pie-hole times three.

Whatever gave birth to this monster can be real proud. The biggest black hole in the universe weighs in with a respectable mass of 18 billion Suns, and is about the size of an entire galaxy.


The biggest black hole beats out its nearest competitor by six times. Fortunately, it's 3.5 billion light years away, forming the heart of a quasar called OJ287.

So, what does this mean for us? WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! Quick, everybody, foil helmets, foil helmets! *click* Haha, you all looked so stupid.

18 Billion Suns -Biggest Black Hole in Universe Discovered--and it's BIG! A Galaxy Classic [dailygalaxy]

Thanks to interstellar vacuum salesman, who could sell that black hole a stairs attachment even if it doesn't have any.

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Mar 17 2008 Astronauts Like iPods, Take Them Into Space

MORE: apple , astronauts , audio , ipod , mac , music , nasa , outerspace , pssssshow , rocket , space shuttle , space: the final venue

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This is close-up picture of the Space Shuttle Endeavor orbiting earth. And what is that in the window? An iPod! Astronauts listen to iPods in space (or at least throw them on the dash of the shuttle to look cool)! You know, I'm really glad this picture came out because it's just what I needed to prove my latest scientific theory: even astronauts download music illegally. record players don't work in space. NASA is too cheap to spring for Sirius. the moon landing was a hoax. the Discman is dead.

A zoom-out shot of the shuttle after the jump.

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