Nov 14 2009
The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass
Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!
Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.
The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.
"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."
Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.
Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]
Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.
Nov 12 2009 Science-y!: Thermal Imaging Of A Toot
This is what a toot likes like under thermal imaging. Looks kind of like a ghost, don't you think? The ghost of dinners past! Get it?! Me neither. Also, I totally just made you stare at a man's ass. Women don't do that! Right? Women don't do that....right?
Thanks to Kelly, who thought it looked like musical notes.
Oct 30 2009 Making Not So Beautiful Music Together
Ever wanted a toilet seat that looks like a guitar? It's not high on my list of priorities either, but if you already have every other thing in the world maybe it's time for one. Jammin' Johns come in guitar and piano varieties and will set you back about $180. They go perfect in music themed bathrooms. Which -- oh God please tell me you don't have a themed bathroom. Unless it's beach themed, those are fine. I love the little shell soaps!
Hit the shot for another guitar and a shot of a piano.
Sep 2 2009 Silent But Violent: Students Made Gas Detector
Two college students went and made a fart detector. Nice one guys, but I can honestly say I never made anything like this in college. ALL I MADE WERE STRAIGHT C's AND LOVE TO WOMEN. Ooooooh!
I'm sure the two Cornell computer engineering students who made it are quite bright, and combining a hydrogen sulfide monitor, a thermometer, a microphone and custom software was impressive.
Um, no. You see, I don't know if you knew this or not but God gave us all our own fart detectors. Take a big whiff. Does it smell like ass? Congratulations, you shat yourself.
Fart detector solves a problem I've never encountered [dvice]
Sep 1 2009 It's No Wrist Rest: The Computer Key Seat
Don't smile at me like that! I can tell these $125 computer key seats have been around for a while because of the '© 2004' text in the image. What can I say, I'm observant. Hey -- I saw that! Anyway, this was the first time I'd seen these chairs so they're new to me. If they're not new to you, congratulations, you've been around the block (internet whore).
This unique stool is a great low-tech item for any computer geek. Insert this eye-catching seat in the dorm, game room or even an internet café . The contoured shape holds your backspace just like your finger rests in a key. Measures 22 inches square and 15 inches high and has 'sit' printed on the top. We also offer to customize these stools with your own message or logo.
Yes, but I want mine to be a delete key. Get it? Because I want to delete my fat ass! I heard you want an insert. HIYO!
Thanks to Kristin, who wants an escape.
Aug 22 2009 You've Got To Be Kidding Me: Winkers Jeans
Winkers are jeans that have graphics on the ass that appear to move as you walk. They're called Winkers because the first pair they designed have a pair of eyes that appear to wink. These are by far the most ridiculous pants I've ever seen, so, yeah, sure to be a hit. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with an active volcano.
Thanks to Richard, Brandon in New Orleans, Dude McRad and Dan, who prefer to wink with their hats like normal people.
Jun 23 2009 Stay Away!: The Robotic Needle Of Death
We've already seen one robotic death needle, so what's another? EVERYTHING, THAT'S WHAT. I am honestly *this close* to drinking the Kool-Aid. But allegedly, this robot was designed to do good. Pfft, I've heard one that before. I'm looking at you, Elmo. You tried to touch me while I was sleeping.
Bioengineers at Duke University have developed a laboratory robot that can successfully locate tiny pieces of metal within flesh and guide a needle to its exact location -- all without the need for human assistance.
I stopped reading there because my pants were getting full, but just look at that needle. You really want a robot operating on you with that thing without human intervention? Fine, but it's gonna be your second butthole, not mine.
Robot surgeon uses frighteningly large needle to remove shrapnel, your resistance [engadget]
Thanks to STOMPY, who already has three.
Jun 12 2009 Comfort Wipe: Holding Toilet Paper In Your Hand Is "Really Archaic And Disgusting"
The Comfort Wipe is an 18" arm extender/wad of toilet paper holder for use when you can't reach your own ass or don't like your digits coming into contact with your butthole (you're doing it wrong!). Interesting. Also, I want to know the "advantages" of being big the hefty dude is talking about. In all seriousness though, this really is a great product, I just recommend buying two (read: I lost one wiping hard).
Thanks to Wilson and gizmoduck, who just use a handful of poison ivy fashioned to a stick because they're hardcore.
May 14 2009 Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm
Vilena, the woman above, is the originator of a Russian internet phenomenon I'm dubbing "whale tailing". Basically, she took the picture you see there (with her ass all up in the air, hence the "whale tail"), posted it on some social networking site, and, next thing you know, BAM, all the women are doing it. *sniff* Brings a tear to my eye. Now I don't belong to any Russian networking sites, so I say we bring the trend over here. Now THAT'S an internet phenomenon I can get behind! And thrust. HIYO!
Hit the jump for several more slightly NSFW examples, the last of which will make you sad.
Continue Reading " Russian Whale Tails Taking Web By Storm "
Apr 21 2009 Boston Dynamics: Possibly My Biggest Enemy
Boston Dynamics, purveyor of such hellhounds of the robot apocalypse as BigDog, LittleDog, and BullDog, are back at it, this time at the opposite end of the spectrum: robotic bugs called Squishbots.
SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.
Okay, I want to see a show of hands of who's cool with a robotic centipede burrowing in their ass. Now, everyone look around the room. You see the people with their hands raised? Perverts. The worst kind too: roboboners.
Terrifying robot image of the day: Boston Dynamics' SquishBot [bbgadgets]
Thanks to Greg, who once found a robotic silverfish trying to climb into his ear at night so it could read his mind. Thankfully, Greg huffs Raid and had a can by the bed.
Mar 16 2009 TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic
This is a motorcycle with hubless wheels. Unfortunately, due to my tiny, dinosaur(loving) brain, I'm incapable of understanding how such future technology works. So this is when I copy/paste some quotes and wait for the next meteor to hit.
Hubless wheels work by fixing the rotating parts (brake ring, bearings, hubless rim) onto the outer side of a non-rotating inner ring that attaches to the motorcycle's swingarm or forks.
Advantages include decreased unsprung weight, reduced structural stress (no spokes to transmit forces through), increased braking leverage, more accurate steering, reduced vibration and a lower center of gravity.
Well hot damn! Let me just grab my leathers and we'll hit the road. I get to ride on the back though -- I'm rocking my chaps commando style. Hey, car behind me, get a load of this sexy ass! Haha, I know where you're going -- straight to BONERTOWN, USA! Oh, looks like you naturally swerve a little to the left.
Hit the jump for more pictures and a video of the magical wheels.
Continue Reading " TA-DA!: Hubless Motorcycle Runs On Magic "
Mar 2 2009 Do You See What Happens, Larry?
This is older so you may have already seen it. It's the scene from The Big Lebowski when Walter is beating the hell out of "Larry's" car with a crowbar. Except it was edited for television, making it perfectly SFW. Do you see what happens, Larry?? This is what happens, Larry!
Thanks to Mike, who doesn't want to see what happens.
Dec 11 2008 Geekologie Reader Ingenuity: The Ass Towel
I know not all of you readers are FAKE! asshats. I'm sure some of you are actually good people, who make a valued contribution to society. And some of you are straight pervs. And others, like reader David, are inventors. David developed a towel that helps solve the age-old "did I just wipe my face with ass?" conundrum.
I've had this idea for a while. I've come to the conclusion that I'm never getting around to getting it made, so I at least want it publicized.
An ordinary towel right? Correct.But, it has a distinct blue square in a not so used area of the towel.
Maybe I'm a slob, but I usually don't get a new towel every single day. And, I've got to dry my entire body. Some of which don't always get 100% clean.
I dry my ass, then the next day I use that same spot on the towel to dry my face. There it is, and it sucks.
The blue square is the designated section of the towel to dry your ass.
Genius, David. This is exactly the kind of ingenuity I expect from Geekologie readers. I really want these made. Then I could finally stop drying my ass with my roommate's toothbrush.
Thanks David, remind me to bring my own towel to the slumber party.
Nov 30 2008 Christmas Came Early This Year (And You Might Too): Gen¹³ Caitlin Fairchild Cosplay
As the angel of holiday cheer, I felt obligated to post these pictures of some chick cosplaying it up as Caitlin Fairchild from the Gen¹³ comic book series. Honestly, I had no idea who Caitlin was, but now I can safely say that her image is burnt into my retinas. Literally, I used a coat hanger and butane lighter. Hit the jump for three more pics, all of which are significantly cheekier than this one. You catch my drift? I'm talking about her ass -- her ass is hanging out.
Hit it, you want to.
Nov 12 2008 Sharpie Lamborghini For Sale on eBay
Remember the Sharpie Lamborghini posted a couple months ago? Well it's back, and this time on eBay. That's right folks, for the low, low price of somewhere between $255,000 and $289,950, this marvel of modern drawing techniques can be yours.
This is a 'ONE OF A KIND ' Gallardo Coupe: The car has been featured on MTV 'My sweet 16 with 'Timbaland'. This car is the most Famous Gallardo ever made for the U.S. market. It took over 1000 hours of art work done by hand to complete this incredible masterpiece. This car is still on M.S.O. so you would be the first owner if you win the auction.
So, which one of you readers is gonna buy it? And, when you do, will you take me for a spin? Gas, grass, or ass, nobody rides for free -- I live by that creed. *wink* Ass.
Hit the jump for several more pictures and a link to the auction.
Nov 12 2008 Sexy Animal Crackers Fetch $7.25 On eBay
A bull and donkey were caught mid-coitus in a bowl of animal crackers by some guy's wife. And, like a Virgin Mary pork rind, it ended up on eBay.
As you can see from the pictures, What we have here is a bull making sweet, sweet love to a donkey. (too bad it isn't an elephant---it would make a great political piece!) My wife pulled this out of a bowl of animal crackers a few weeks ago. I have been storing it in an air-tight bag since! The cracker was baked like this!!! No foul play!
No foul play my ass! That poor donkey. I think they're stuck together. Seriously though, who knew crackers could be so sexy? Just imagine cookies! *rolling out dough* Anybody have dinosaur cookie cutters?
eBay Auction
Thanks to RyanThePerson, not to be confused with RyanTheAnimalCracker.
Nov 7 2008 Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device
Honda's taking another stab at the growing assisted walking market (that's a market!?), this time with what appears to be a robot that hides between your legs and pokes you in the genitals.
The device will supporting a portion of user's body weight whether they're crouching, walking or climbing stairs and is meant to help both those physically weakened with age or injury as well as workers who would need to reduce the stress on their bodies from heavy work or unusual positions.
The device will support users within two inches of its preset 5-foot, 7-inch user height. The entire system, including its lithium ion battery and shoes, weighs 14.3lbs, and uses two electric motors to assist users' leg movement for up to two hours before a re-charge is required.
Interesting, but I'm going to have pass. You see, I accidentally violated myself with a pogo stick once, and ever since, well, I just couldn't imagine ever cheating on it. I heart you Springy!
Hit the jump for another picture of the barebones device, along with a video of the piece in action.
Continue Reading " Thanks But No Thanks (I Value My Ass): Honda's Assisted Walking Device "
Oct 21 2008 Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly
This steampunk cell phone looks pretty freaking sweet. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. Made out of wood, brass, and ass, the faux phone looks like it came right out of the 19th century and requires a unique punch-card to dial a number (if it actually worked). The unit would go perfect with this nonfunctional bluetooth headset. Then you can pretend to make old timey prank calls all day long. I dare say good sir, you haveth just been steampunk'd!
Hit it for a couple more, including one of a guy with a brass-cut.
Continue Reading " Steampunk Cell Phone May Look Good, But Works Horribly "
Oct 20 2008 Pouf-Man Chairs: Pac-Man's Bastard Brother
Design house QAYOT designed these Pouf-Man chairs. And I use "designed" loosely, since they're obviously freaking Pac-Man. Available in red, white, black and brown, the chairs are sure to liven up your rumpus rooom with a little video gamey flair. No word on price though, and the company makes no guarantee Pouf-Man won't munch the carpet.
Hit it for a few more of different seating possibilities.
Continue Reading " Pouf-Man Chairs: Pac-Man's Bastard Brother "
Oct 14 2008 Army Wants Thought-Sending Helmet Made
A new army grant seeks to develop a helmet that can convey messages simply by thinking them.
Known as synthetic telepathy, the technology is based on reading electrical activity in the brain using an electroencephalograph, or EEG. Similar technology is being marketed as a way to control video games by thought.
"I think that this will eventually become just another way of communicating," said Mike D'Zmura, from the University of California, Irvine and the lead scientist on the project."It will take a lot of research, and a lot of time, but there are also a lot of commercial applications, not just military applications," he said.
Interesting, but I feel like there might be too much room for error.
*sending thought messages* Enemies at twelve o'clock. Let's flank them from the left. And 3,2....Jesus, Lieutenant Bridge's ass looks good in that camo. Shit. I'm not gay, I'm not gay!
Helmet to Convey Messages by Thought [discovery]
Thanks to Tracy, who read my mind: boobs. And also, pork chop sandwiches.
