Nov 10 2009 Close Calls: Killer Robot Plane Goes Rogue, Is Shot Down Before It Can Turn On Its Master

An autonomous killer Reaper jet recently went rogue in Northern Afghanistan and had to be shot down before it got the chance to go berserk and blast the shit out of the blue team. Eff that!

The aircraft was flying a combat mission when positive control of the MQ-9 was lost. When the aircraft remained on a course that would depart Afghanistan's airspace, a US Air Force manned aircraft took proactive measures to down the Reaper in a remote area of northern Afghanistan.

It wasn't clear from the US military announcement whether the erratic death-bot had turned on its masters and was planning an attack on critical US logistics bases located north of the Afghan border, or whether it had sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn and was hoping merely to escape. Alternatively the machine assassin may merely have succumbed to boredom or - just possibly - a mundane, non-anthropomorphic technical fault of some kind.

Okay, I don't know exactly how this fits into my government/robot conspiracy, but I assure you it does. Importantly. Like the last piece in a very critical puzzle. Provided my dog didn't eat any pieces. Because then I'll have to cut a similar shape out of construction paper and color it with markers. AND IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. My parents will tell me you can barely tell the difference BUT YOU CAN TELL. You can tell.

Robot Fighter Jet Killed Before It Could Go AWOL [io9]

Thanks to AdmiralN00b, Shawn, Beanbones, Paul, Timothy, Anonymous, Sambob, That Guy and Jason, who are all welcome to stay in my anti-robot shelter, provided they shower. And spoon.

Oct 14 2009 We're As Good As Dead: Robots Driving Tank

We can only pray this is an elaborate Photoshop hoax or we're all as good as dead. Well, you are, I'm as bad as dead. And twice as bad as that nancy Leroy Brown. That jive-talking mother ain't got nothin' on me!

Picture [pictureisunrelated]

Thanks to Daniel, who actually is meaner than a junkyard dog and once pushed an old lady into traffic.

Sep 28 2009 Crazy: Lockheed Martin's Samurai Monocopter

Monocopters are single-bladed airfoils, best known for falling from maple trees as whirligigs. But this is a radio controlled version developed by Lockheed Martin that actually flies UP instead of only down. I predict robotic versions in the future with really, really sharp blades on them.

Eventually, the SAMARAI project was supposed to produce a nanomonocopter (?) about the same size as a seed pod (on the order of 1.5 inches long and 10 grams in weight), driven by a miniature rocket or jet thruster, able to send back streaming video (that was stabilized somehow), autonavigate, and deliver a 2 gram payload up to a kilometer away. The big version in the video above was a testbed to help engineers figure out just how to get this thing to fly in a stable and controllable manner.

Forget helicopters and monocopters, what ever happened to good old fashioned jetpacks? Because jetpacks, as my Magic 8-Ball just confirmed, are the wave of the future. Just saying, you ever made love to a girl wearing one? Don't do it from behind.

Lockheed Martin SAMARAI UAV Scares Me [botjunkie]

Sep 10 2009 Military Experimenting With Airless Tires

We've known about airless tires for a while now here on Geekologie, but now the US military is getting involved and testing them sums of beaches out on some of their vehicles. But not their tanks -- they don't have any air to begin with, silly!

The advantages of airless tires are obvious: they can't be punctured and they never go flat. But it clearly takes a lot of science to get the proper material that can stand up to the pressure of a multi-ton military vehicle sitting on top of it.

Nice, military, but how about some REAL airless tires. I'm talking about hover wheels, bitches! I know that shit exists, we stole the technology from the aliens. GET OUT OF MY HEAD GOVERNMENT! Quick, somebody Reynolds Wrap me, STAT!

Military testing out fancy new airless tires [dvice]

Aug 24 2009 Sadness: Father Leaves Copy Of Call Of Duty: World At War For Fallen Soldier Son

So yeah, this is sad. Private Richard Hunt, the 200th U.K. soldier to die in Afghanistan, was buried over the weekend. He would have been 22 yesterday.

His father Phillip, enjoyed playing Call of Duty: World at War with his son. He left a copy of the game at his grave.

"Happy Birthday 'Hunty'. Play you again one day. Dad."

Wow, that tore me up.

Dad's Tribute: Call of Duty on Soldier Son's Grave [kotaku]

Thanks to Solozaur, whose single tear splattered F10.

Aug 3 2009 It's About Time: Attaching Lasers To Airplanes

Applied Electronics, a company we last saw developing lightning guns, has now been handed a big ass check by the gubment to start strapping lasers to planes. And, I, for one, am all about it. NEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOW -- pew pew!

the Navy and the Marines have given a company called Applied Electronics about a million dollars to attach lasers onto planes. The weapons would be ultra-short-pulse (USP) lasers, which shoot beams of frequent-pulse light that create a path through the air, via which bolts of electricity can travel toward a target.

Okay, I have no idea what all that meant, but I'm pretty sure Zeus just popped like 16 electric boners.

Company Last Seen Making Lightning Guns Is Now Attaching Lasers To Planes [popsci]

Thanks to Mih0, who, for two tips in a row, gets to yell "lightning bolt!" and hit me in face with a foam dart.

Jun 10 2009 Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes

Well folks, based on the tips I've been getting, it looks like today might turn into Robot Apocalypse Awareness Day (RAAD -- which is ironic, because this is far from the power of sick). Long story short: it's probably best to empty your bowels now. So, apparently the Israeli army has been working on the development of creepy robot snakes (not to be confused with these ones) for use in battle. Not cool. Also, they may need to brush up on their Photoshop skills if they were trying to inconspicuously remove the power cord from that picture.

Well, apparently, the snake's physical attributes and all-terrain mobility advantages haven't gone unnoticed by the Israeli military. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have introduced an all-terrain snake-like recon robot/UGV (Unmanned Ground Vehicle) a.k.a. robotic snake or "robot snake" to crawl around the battlefield looking for the enemy and potential targets. If it locates the enemy, the robot snake can then slither up to the enemy/target and record audio and video of that target, and then slither right back off.

There is even talk of packing the things with explosives (making them much more like my snake) so you can detonate your enemies from afar. You know, just like that computer game Worms, except nothing like that at all. More like that game Oh Shit What the Eff Are You Thinking, Israel?!. Yeah, just like that one.

Hit the jump for a video of the snake in action.

Continue Reading " Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes "

Apr 24 2009 Robotic Heli-Sniper Is Sadly No ROFLCopter

The army is testing out a new robotic-helicopter mounted sniper rifle for urban warfare because, well, CONSPIRACY! Are you ready for this? Our government is....are you sitting down? Our government is....ROBOTS! AAAAAHH! Did you hear that? I thought I heard something.

It's called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter.

The system is intended for the urban battlefield -- an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it's unlikely to miss.

Thankfully, the system is not autonomous (yet) and relies on a ground-based pilot with AN XBOX 360-LIKE CONTROLLER to maneuver and fire. Haha, and everyone said all those hours headshotting prepubscent boys in Halo wouldn't get you anywhere! *sniff* I'm just so proud, you little army of one, you!

Army Tests Flying Robo-Sniper [wired]

Thanks to Bo, Lethak, WunderKraut, jk and Todd, who, BOOM, headshot!

Mar 26 2009 UPDATE: You Will Like Today's Woot! Shirt

UPDATE: BACK IN STOCK FOR A LIMITED TIME, GO HERE TO GET ONE.

Unfortunately they sold all 3,000 of them between midnight and 6:47 AM this morning. But don't worry, I'm sure a design this popular will be available for regular sale soon. So somebody feel free to drop that link in the comments when it becomes available. Or hell, maybe I'll actually keep up with it and post it here myself as an update. After all, I am turning over a new leaf. And also, this dead squirrel I found in the road. ZOMG, ZOMG, its guts are hanging out!!

shirt.woot

Nov 19 2008 Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor

The Rupublic of Korea's troops are stepping into winter fashion in a big way -- with all new threads and a sweet-ass rifle.

The new new battle uniforms would provide protection against nuclear, biological, and chemical attacks, and would feature automatic temperature control. A new protective vest is also planned. In addition to keeping the lead out, the helmet will be prewired for minicam video transmission, GPS navigation, and assorted networking gear

And the gun?

The double-barreled K-11 assault rifle lets the shooter fire either NATO 5.56- or 20-millimeter grenades, all off the same trigger. Day and night aiming is accomplished with a thermal target seeker and laser that calculates distance automatically--a true point-and-shoot.

Oh man, WANT! I just question how legitimate this new gear is seeing how the picture looks suspiciously like someone Xeroxed the cover of an old sci-fi novel.

Hit the jump for a 5:00 video about the new rifle. Pretty sweet drop-test footage starting at 4:15.

Continue Reading " Korean Soldiers Get New Halo-y Armor "

Oct 15 2008 Old As Hell!: G.I. Joe Pork Chop Sandwiches

Video, due to language, is probably NSFW.

This video is older than the interweb itself. In fact, it was first depicted on a cave wall, drawn there by a caveman who smeared his penis in the ashes left from a fire started when lightning hit a dry tree. True story. Anyway, for those of you who haven't seen it, this is a redubbing of one of the public service announcements played after a G.I. Joe cartoon ("and knowing is half the battle!"). There's a bunch more if you like it, but this is the best one. So, with that said, let the OLDing begin!*

*By typing OLD in the comments, you forfeit your right to ever have sex again.**
**Expect in prison, against your will.

Youtube

Oct 14 2008 Army Wants Thought-Sending Helmet Made

A new army grant seeks to develop a helmet that can convey messages simply by thinking them.

Known as synthetic telepathy, the technology is based on reading electrical activity in the brain using an electroencephalograph, or EEG. Similar technology is being marketed as a way to control video games by thought.

"I think that this will eventually become just another way of communicating," said Mike D'Zmura, from the University of California, Irvine and the lead scientist on the project.

"It will take a lot of research, and a lot of time, but there are also a lot of commercial applications, not just military applications," he said.

Interesting, but I feel like there might be too much room for error.

*sending thought messages* Enemies at twelve o'clock. Let's flank them from the left. And 3,2....Jesus, Lieutenant Bridge's ass looks good in that camo. Shit. I'm not gay, I'm not gay!

Helmet to Convey Messages by Thought [discovery]

Thanks to Tracy, who read my mind: boobs. And also, pork chop sandwiches.

Sep 18 2008 About Time: Company Aims To Fight Robots

Weapons Against Robots (WAR) is a company started by internet millionaire Ben Way (not to be confused with ballmaker Ben Wa) as a means to defend humanity against the inevitable robot uprising. The company will "combat the potential threats posed by artificial intelligence through the creation of anti-robot weaponry, detection and monitoring of robots, and use of anti-robot viruses. Way believes that, as AI is increasingly used in warfare and defense, it is prudent to ready countermeasures in the event, not only of an enemy's use of robotics, but that an intelligence's programming goes awry."

Sounds good to me. Maybe WAR and FUBOTS should join forces. What do you say, Ben? I hate those evil mothers with a passion. Even more so since I lost my girlfriend to a vibrator.

Defense Firm Prepares to Terminate the Terminators [io9]

Thanks Brad, I may actually get some sleep tonight. But my anti-robot bat is still staying under the pillow.

Aug 15 2008 Fire Beer, Not Bullets: The Beerdolier

Last week it was the Beer Belt, and now this week, the Beerdolier. Oh hell yes! The $15 Beerdolier holds six cans of sweet beer AND keeps them cold thanks to its unpatented koozie technology. These things are freaking awesome! Can you imagine a world in which a war (World War Brew) is fought with beer instead of bullets? I can, it's called Utopia, and I just drank all the ammo. Oh, time for a munitions dump.

The Beerdolier: Drink Like a Commando [gizmodo]

Jul 22 2008 Wait, What?: SAS Dogs Trained To Parachute

Allegedly, German Shepherds are being trained to jump from planes at 25,000 feet strapped to SAS soldiers. The dogs will soon be deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, where they will serve as reconnaissance shepherds.

With tiny cameras fixed to their heads, the animals will be sent in before their human partners to hunt for Taliban or insurgent hideouts. The cameras will beam live images back to the troops as the dogs penetrate behind enemy lines and warn of ambushes.

According to The Sun, the dogs will be trained to accompany soldiers on what are called 'High Altitude High Opening' parachute jumps, after which they may have to travel 20 miles to their targets.

Apparently dogs have been trained to jump out of airplanes since World War II, when German Shepherds were used to infiltrate the German ranks and poison high ranking officials. Okay, I made that up (minus the parachuting). Still, somebody should make a movie about it. But I have a question. Why does that dog in the picture have a bionic mouth? And why is that guy pointing his gun at its head? Calm down bro, so it ate your boot -- that's what dogs do. And also, hump the cat and shit on the sofa. Right?
German Shepherds trained to parachute with SAS troops [telegraph]

Thanks Pat, now imagine if they did the same thing with mice. Stuart Little parachuting in behind enemy lines and then sneaking around and shit and talking in that little cute voice of his. That'd be great. Oh, another blockbuster movie idea.

Jul 10 2008 New Spider Landmine Safer Than Old Ones

Ah yes, a safer landmine. And all along I've thought landmines were supposed to be the opposite of safe. I'm about as stupid as my little sister. The Spider has six legs set at 60º intervals and drops six separate mines once in position. The mines are detonated by an operator, so you can jump on the trip-wires all you want as long as the guy at the controls likes you. But if you ate the last of his rations, look out. The unit can be packed with fragmentation charges or non-lethal gases, and I'm definitely a fan of any option that doesn't include "frag". Of course, being the nation that we are, the Spider does feature a "battle override mode" which allows the mine to detonate on its own without an operator. Which violates the Mine Ban Treaty -- but we didn't sign that shit (along with China, India and Russia)! So, yeah, we've got an asshole club thing going on. Also, apparently we still use bayonets.

Innovative Spider landmine has six deadly legs, offers non-lethal options [dvice]

Jul 9 2008 Great, Just Great: DARPA Awards Grant To Make T-1000's, Kill Us In Our Sleep

The U.S. Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) recently awarded Tufts University a $3.3 million contract to develop T-1000 shape-shifters so they can squeeze under doors and through cracks and shit to kill us all. Part of the original DARPA solicitation for proposals follows.

The ability to safely and covertly gain access to denied or hostile areas and perform useful tasks provides critical advantages to warfighters over a broad spectrum of military operations. An effective and logistically attractive means for gaining entry to denied areas is to deploy an unmanned platform, such as a robot. However, often the only available points of entry are small openings in buildings, walls, under doors, etc. In these cases, a robot must be soft enough to squeeze or traverse through small openings, yet large enough to carry an operationally meaningful payload. Current robotic platforms are constructed primarily from hard materials and, while capable of locomotion with embedded payloads, cannot change their physical dimensions to rapidly traverse arbitrary size/shape openings whose dimensions are much smaller than the robot itself and are not known a-priori.

You thought I was joking, didn't you? Well I wasn't. And I wasn't joking when I just boarded up the door and windows of my apartment either either. I'll be damned if I'm done in by some mercury-ass blob. Ha, I forgot to let the girlfriend in. I can hear her out front pounding...the UPS guy. What a freaking slut.

Hit the links for more in-depth articles that I stopped reading because they were creeping me out.

Tufts to develop morphing 'chemical robots' [physorg]
via
Shape-shifting, organ-probing chembots coming soon [engadget]

DARPA Solicitation For Proposals

Thanks Ryan and Benjamin, I hate living anyways.

Jul 3 2008 Chinese Military Prepares For Olympics

So your good buddy The Geekologie Writer got what is known in the medical field as "f***ed the f*** up" last night because his wife made the mistake of going out of town for the holiday weekend. He hit wing night, drank like 300 beers, and then proceeded to sing "Ring Of Fire" at karaoke (he has a deep, sexy voice just like Cash). Good times. His hands are still shaking. Anyway, this is a picture of the Chinese military during a rapid deployment exercise in preparation for the upcoming Olympics. Because, let's face it, nothing says "I'm going for the gold!" like military personnel dry humping Segways.

BBC News

Thanks Guillaume, I did a Segway once, but it was nothing compared to a Hoveround.

Jun 16 2008 Epic Failures: How Not To Drive A Tank

Tank Driving 101

Don't drive your tank off a cliff. Don't drive your tank too deep in a bog. Keep your treads on at all times. Don't try to mount another tank from behind unless you've taken it out for dinner and bought it a few drinks. Don't try to stunt-drive your tank on a single tread. And last but not least -- never, ever, ever pose for a picture with the tank you just f***ed up.

And while I'm not saying I could drive a tank any better than these guys, it'd be pretty hard not to.

A nice big gallery of tank mishaps (and a few planes for the hell of it) after the jump.

Continue Reading " Epic Failures: How Not To Drive A Tank "

Jun 16 2008 Knife Injects Compressed Gas Into Stabee

The best I can tell the WASP Knife has nothing to do with white Protestants. Nope, it has to do with stabbing something and then releasing 24g of compressed gas into the wound and exploding their organs (VIDEO demo after the jump).

Since World War II, the military has seen much of its soldiers equipment go through many radical changes and technological advances. The knife has gone unchanged until now. Our soldiers deserve the most advanced equipment that is available to them. A simple knife is okay, but when it comes down to the last line of defense, you want something that will get the job done. Introducing the WASP Injection Knife. This easy-to-use, easy-to-reload weapon delivers up to a 24g shot of compressed gas at 800 PSI on land or underwater.

What the? I read on some message board that it was useful if you're attacked by a shark, as the compressed gas would screw with its ability to remain at depth and swim correctly. But besides that it just sounds like a dangerous freaking knife. The company's website is currently down claiming they are "in negotiations to sell it strictly on the non-civilian market" so I don't know if this website selling them for $389 is legit or not. Regardless, that knife scares the hell out of me. Almost as much as my freshman roommate in college did. I'd hear a strange noise at night and flip the light on to find he'd been sharpening a knife in the dark. And that, my friends, is when I started dating an ugly chick to sleep in her room.

Worthwhile VIDEO of the thing being demonstrated, after the jump.

Continue Reading " Knife Injects Compressed Gas Into Stabee "