Nov 19 2009 Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!)

Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid.

Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn the iPhone volume to the max and feel the air flowing from the speaker opening."

Unlock the new mind-blowing secret feature on your iPhone. Turn your iPhone into a real Air Blower!

Mind-blowing secret feature my ass. An x-ray camera, now THAT'S a mind-blowing secret feature. Or the ability to make calls to the dead. Phone developers, are you getting all this? Because I'm not buying another phone until I can talk to George Washington and take pictures of Martha's underwear. Just saying.

Hit the jump for a video of the app blowing out candles. WHEE, what a birthday!

Continue Reading " Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!) "

Aug 29 2009 There's An App For That: iPhone Fauxmercial

This is a fake commercial for iPhone apps. I thought it was pretty funny. And not just because stalking ex-girlfriends is funny, because that is only mildy humorous (but mostly sad and creepy). No, I just couldn't get enough of the guy's voice. I must have you on my home answering machine!

LEAKED: New iPhone commercial [adamthinks]

Thanks to The Baroness, who had an iPhone for a day and then dropped it and broke it BECAUSE SHE MEANT TO.

Jun 11 2009 Star Trek Communicator App For iPhone

Want a realistic Star Trek communicator app for your iPhone? You're in luck, dog.

This classic Star Trek communicator app for iPhone slipped past us when it was first released into the App Store at the end of May. The spot on graphics and familiar chirping sound triggered when performing the epic cover-flip to access the communicator's controls is pure goodness.

This app is dangerously authentic and it's actually useful too. Unfortunately the developers had to name it "Star Radio Communicator" ($.99) in order to keep Paramount from sniffing out their brilliant effort.

*BEEP BOOP chirpity chirp chirp* Geekologie Writer, come in -- this is your captain speaking. What do you say you and I go investigate planet Dinosauria and score some sweet tail? "Captain, I've already been beamed."

UPDATE: App was purchased by several Geekologie Readers who attest the thing is a monster piece of shit and doesn't sound right at all. Save your buck.

Star Trek Communicator for iPhone Is Spot On [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Michael, who boob beep chirpity chirps all the ladies. And to Dan, Aaron and konstance for each pissing away $1 to find out it sucks the balls.

Jun 5 2009 Finally, I Can Sleep At Night: Researchers Develop Algorithms To Mimic Water Sounds

The watery sounds you hear in this video were all made using algorithms developed by researchers at Cornell, because, honestly, curing diseases can wait.

Doug James and Changxi Zheng, researchers at Cornell University, have developed a way to simulate the sounds of flowing or dripping water, which in real life are produced by tiny air bubbles that compress and expand due to surface tension, creating sound waves in the water.

So by using the geometry of a 3D scene, the Harmonic Fluids algorithm they developed can calculate where the air bubbles would have been created in real life and how they would have moved, which allows realistic accompanying sounds to be generated.

Now don't get me wrong, that's neat as hell, I just wish they would have made their research a little more useful in the real world. Like, I dunno, developing an algorithm to mimic the mating calls of prehistoric dinosaurs. Am I right? If we're not gonna cure cancer I should at least get laid.

Cornell Researchers Develop Algorithms To Simulate The Sounds Of Fluids [ohgizmo]

May 1 2009 iSnort App: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

iSnort is a bootleg iPhone app that makes it appear as though you're cutting up coke and snorting it. Unfortunately, it's not even a real app. It's just a video that you have to choreograph your movements to (the iPhone's touchscreen doesn't respond to heavily abused credit cards or rolled up bills). That said, you can pick it up for £5 at their website. Or, put that money towards some real nose candy. Yeah, I'm talking that good shit. Model airplane glue.

TheiSnort
via
Perfect Cocaine Simulator Will Never Make It to the iPhone App Store [gizmodo]

Thanks to prestoner, who will be building his first gravity bong in no time. *sniff* They grow up so fast.

Apr 23 2009 Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store

In an unshocking turn of events, Apple has pulled 'Baby Shaker', an iPhone application that allows users to shake a baby until red X's appear over its eyes and it stops crying, from the iTunes store.

Within a day of the game being available for download, childcare organisations had reacted with fury to the game's shocking premise.

An Apple spokesman would not comment on why the program was initially approved for sale nor about how many people downloaded the game. Apple screens every iPhone application and has rejected a number of controversial apps in the past, including one that let iPhone users throw virtual shoes at President Bush.

First of all, shaking babies isn't really funny. And secondly, I'm more than a little pissed that POS application got approved and mine didn't. How the hell does 'Baby Shaker' make it and not, 'The Oregon Happy Trail: An Adventure In My Pants'. What? It was educational! You died of gonorrhea.

Also, I've had several requests for a Geekologie iPhone app. Personally, I view the site in the browser, but hey, if somebody wants to make one, I won't pay you. But I will make you famous. Internet famous.

Video of the 'game' after the jump.

Continue Reading " Baby Shaking App Pulled From iTunes Store "

Mar 2 2009 Bought It!: Dogs Licking your iPhone Clean

iClean is a 99¢ iPhone/iPod Touch application that makes it look like a dog is lick-cleaning your screen from the inside out. How precious! Currently there are only three lickers available, but more are promised in future updates. I just bought it! Best 99¢ I've ever spent. Well, except for the time I put $1 in a vending machine and got two bags of Doritos. There was a Cool Ranch hanger!

iClean Brings Puppy Lick Fest To Your iPhone [iphonesavior]

Thanks to Seth, who promises to make a human version soon. I can hardly wait! No thanks.

Feb 26 2009 Oooh, Shiny: A Non-Reversing Mirror

Finally, I can sleep peacefully at night.

Hicks, a mathematician at Drexel University, Philadelphia, used computer algorithms to generate the mirror's bizarre surface, which curves and bends in different directions. The curves direct rays from an object across the mirror's face before sending them back to the viewer, flipping the conventional mirror image.

Awesome. I want them installed on the ceiling above my bed. Because then, wait -- it would still look me making love to myself, wouldn't it? Damn.

Reflecting on a new generation of mirrors [newscientist]
and a cool gallery of
Anamorphic Art [newscientist]

Thanks to twellve, who doesn't need a non-reversing mirror because she stopped wearing eyeliner when he found out it was tested on bunnies.

Feb 24 2009 FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock

And I want them!

One is called Sea Shadow. It's big, black and looks like a cross between a Stealth fighter and a Batmobile. It was made to escape detection on the open sea. The other is known as the Hughes (as in Howard Hughes) Mining Barge. It looks like a floating field house, with an arching roof and a door that is 76 feet wide and 72 feet high. Sea Shadow berths inside the barge, which keeps it safely hidden from spy satellites.

The barge, by the way, is the only fully submersible dry dock ever built, making it very handy -- as it was 35 years ago -- for trying to raise a sunken nuclear-armed Soviet submarine.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? A floating safe-haven from the robots! So this is what we're gonna do: pack that vessel chock-full of grade-A seamen and head out on the open ocean. Why, you ask? Because the majority of robots are land-based (we'll still have to watch out for these guys though). Now who's with me? C'mon -- we'll bang mermaids! Heads up though: stay away from Poseidon's daughter. Dude caught me messing around with her in highschool and tried to suck me down the bathtub drain.

Hit the jump for two more of the giveaways.

Continue Reading " FREE: Navy Giving Away Stealth Ship & Dock "

Feb 6 2009 9-Year Old Writes Finger Painting iPhone App

Lim Ding Wen is a 9-year old Chinese boy. But not just any Chinese boy, Ding Wen wrote a finger painting iPhone app for his younger siblings.

Lim, who is now fluent in six programming languages, first started using a computer when he was two-years-old, discovered programming aged seven, and has since completed more than 20 programming projects.

His latest application, Doodle Kids, allows users to draw pictures using their fingers and then clear the screen by shaking the iPhone.

Pretty impressive, huh? Not to his father!

"Ding Wen is an above average boy with an interest in computers, especially Apple IIGS and Macs, likes to do programming, and that's it. Doodle Kids is an extremely simple program that can be done by anybody. Everybody can program - if Ding Wen can, so can you," he wrote.

Wow, dad, don't be too proud. "Who, Din Wen? Eh, he's nothing special. And just between you and me -- I think he's retarded. Mother's side of course."

Nine-year-old writes iPhone code [bbcnews]

Thanks to Lisa, who was programming VCRs at four.

Jan 30 2009 CubeCheater iPhone App Solves Rubik's

Been working on solving a Rubik's Cube for the last 26 years? Congratulations, you wasted your life. Keep at it, champ! Alternatively, get CubeCheater for your iPhone, take pictures of all the cube's sides, and PRESTO -- you've effectively defeated the purpose of playing with a Rubik's.

Youtube

Thanks to rox, who can solve any Rubik's in a single move of the hammer.

Also, Happy Birthday Allison! Without your scathing wit and harsh criticism my life would be much better.

Jan 13 2009 No Need To Apply, Folks, I've Got This In The Bag: Austrialia Posts My Dream Job

Australia's Queensland state is looking to hire a "Great Barrier Reef Island Caretaker" at a rate of $105,000 (US) for six-months of service. What kind of service?

The "island caretaker" would be expected to stroll the white sands, soak up the sun, snorkel the reef, "maybe clean the pool" -- and report to a global audience via weekly blogs, photo diaries and video updates.

The winner, who will stay rent-free in a multimillion-dollar three-bedroom beach home complete with pool and golf cart, must be an excellent communicator and be able to speak and write in English.

F*** yes, I can do some of those things!

The job, according to the Daily Telegraph, seems too good to be true -- work 12 hours a month for six months while carrying out such duties as feeding turtles, watching whales and writing a blog.

The Daily Telegraph reported 850,000 people clicked on the site within the first 24 hours, but as of As of 11 a.m. EST, the Web site for job-seekers had been taken down.

Don't even bother, folks, this job was made for me. And I hacked the application site, so you can pretty much forget about it. However, now I'M accepting applications for a few lucky ladies to join me. Applicants must be able to blog, create photo diaries, and video updates. Also, feed turtles and keep a secret.

Australia Offers 'Best Job in World' On Paradise Island [foxnews]

Thanks to Bryan and Michael, who can come if they agree to feed themselves to sharks while my female crew takes pictures.

Dec 2 2008 Happy Something! iPhone Has 10,000 Apps

The iPhone now has over 10,000 apps, and to celebrate, somebody made a mosaic. Not exactly how I celebrate (I get drunk as shit), but a little time in front of Photoshop works too. And speaking of iPhone apps, I have like four. Including, and pretty much limited to: rotary dialer, that maze game with the ball, Facebook, and AIM. And I may or may not have that ocarina app (I do). Oh snap, and the booby one. Maybe I'll get some more.

UPDATE: Okay, I got distracted and didn't get any new apps. Folks -- there is porn ON THE INTERNET!

iPhone Mosaic Celebrates 10,000 Apps and Counting [gizmodo]

Nov 17 2008 Asking Your iPhone: Am I Drunk Yet?

Drunk calculator applications already exist for the iPhone, but this one is more in depth. And freer. Because it's free. You can choose exactly what you've had to drink, and based on your weight, it determines how sloshed you are. Like right now it's telling me I shouldn't even be blogging. F*** it though. Seriously, it doesn't know shit. Bartender, another. If you do get too drunk, the application will even call you a cab or tell you to make out with the dude next to you who looks feminine enough to warrant a kiss. Then, puke on yourself, lose your shoes, and pass out in a ditch and get frostbite. I mean, it's the American way. Back me up Superficial Writer. Haha, yeah, I just told them about your weekend. So, did you get dude's number?

Last Call iPhone App Wants You To Get Drunk Responsibly [gizmodo]

Thanks to Josh, who drank 40 beers for breakfast and still had bourbon with lunch.

Nov 7 2008 iPhone Ocarina App Won't Call Epona, Turn Night Into Day, Warp You Anywhere, Make You Look Cool

The ocarina is an ancient instrument (possibly dating back 12,000 years) that has appeared in Zelda games. Which makes it dear to my heart. And I post all things Zelda on Geekologie. Because I love it that much. You could send me a tip about naming your boner Link and I'd post that shit. I'm honestly that stupid. Anyway, now there's an ocarina application for the iPhone. It's called SMule Ocarina, and it'll set you back a penny short of a buck. You just blow into the phone's mic, push the simulated holes on top, and look like a jackass. But go ahead, play the Song of Time, I dare you. You know what's gonna happen? I'm gonna punch you in the face. I have a real ocarina bitches! TOOT TOOTLE TOOT DOODLE DOOT!

Hit the jump for a video that made me cut myself.

Continue Reading " iPhone Ocarina App Won't Call Epona, Turn Night Into Day, Warp You Anywhere, Make You Look Cool "

Oct 8 2008 Prevent Drunk Emailing: Google Mail Goggles

Google recently unveiled a Gmail application that may help prevent drunk emailing. When in use, the program requires a potential emailer to solve a few mathematical problems before the message can be sent. Pretty clever, now make something similar for cell phones and we'll be set. Or you can just subscribe to The Geekologie Writer's method of drunk messaging prevention -- dropping your phone in the pisser when you're trying to text. I touched a urinal cake with my finger!

Google's Mail Goggles Prevents Drunk Emailing [wired]

Thanks to The Superficial Writer and DJ LIBOR, who both probably regret sending this tip.

Sep 25 2008 Best iPhone Application EVER

paiTouch, an iPhone application created by Japanese blogger Technohippy, is a virtual breast. You can poke and prod it all you want and it kind of jiggles around. It's actually pretty crappy. You can test it out here, just click and drag the cursor around. I've got to admit: if this is what touching a booby is like, I'm not that excited about it anymore. Now a penis....JK!

Virtual Breasts, Coming to Your iPhone [inventorspot]

Thanks to Phil, who touches enough of the real thing to not need a stupid app.

Sep 4 2008 Check Live Traffic Cams With iPhone App

Hate driving in traffic? Get a job where you don't have to commute. But for the rest of us, the ones that live 8 miles from work and spend 50 minutes getting there, there's the, uh, Metro. No wait, there's an iPhone application. Yeah, it's called Mobileyes and it can access live traffic feeds so you can see a bunch of cars sitting bumped to bumper. Now That's What I Call Hits Volume 14!

Current cities where this is available are: Detroit, Hartford, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Knoxville, Los Angeles, New York, and Washington, D.C. while other cities will eventually be added. Depending on the speed of your connection the app can show low, medium or high resolution images.

Let me tell you, there's nothing safer than browsing pictures of traffic while you're driving, it just makes good sense. And you know what else does? Flying to work instead of driving. Seriously cheapass, just buy a freaking cape already.

Mobileyes iPhone App Can (Potentially) Help You Avoid Traffic [ohgizmo]

Sep 2 2008 Google Chrome Beta Dropping Today

Google, in its attempt to dominate all markets, is launching a line of automotive rims today, Google Chrome. I didn't really read the article, but I'm sure they're expensive and we'll see them in rap videos.

EDIT: Ha, turns out Google Chrome is a web browser.

On the surface, we designed a browser window that is streamlined and simple. To most people, it isn't the browser that matters. It's only a tool to run the important stuff -- the pages, sites and applications that make up the web. Like the classic Google homepage, Google Chrome is clean and fast. It gets out of your way and gets you where you want to go.

Under the hood, we were able to build the foundation of a browser that runs today's complex web applications much better. By keeping each tab in an isolated "sandbox", we were able to prevent one tab from crashing another and provide improved protection from rogue sites. We improved speed and responsiveness across the board. We also built a more powerful JavaScript engine, V8, to power the next generation of web applications that aren't even possible in today's browsers.

Sure, okay, but why did they call it chrome?

We named the program Chrome because The Geekologie Writer posted a sweet-ass chromed Lamborghini last week and that shit was dope. Also, Icewolf sounded stupid.

Icewolf sounded stupid? You people are crazy. That's the awesomest freaking name I've heard in a while.

- The Geekologie "Icewolf" Writer

A fresh take on the browser [googleblog]

Thanks to George and Austin, who don't need web browsers because the web browses them.

Aug 25 2008 Cool, Neato!: iHologram iPhone Application

iHologram for the iPhone is an application made by David O'Reilly that creates the illusion of a 3-D cat walking around in your phone.

iHologram combines anamorphosis and the iPhone's gyroscopes to achieve this awesome visual magic trick. Anamorphosis is a way to draw things distorted so, while watched at a certain angle, they pop out of the 2D surface as if they were real.

You have to watch the screen at 35 to 45 degrees at all times in order for the effect to work. And, also, keep the phone charged. It won't work with a dead battery. Or hooker. Speaking of which, can I borrow somebody's car for the afternoon?

3D App Turns iPhone into Window to Alternative World [gizmodo]