Oct 24 2009 Fake, But Still Burn It With Lasers (You Never Can Be Too Safe): A Scary Dancing Robot
I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.
Youtube
and
Youtube (longer, 9:00 video)
Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.
Sep 16 2009 Uh-Oh: Little Robot Can Jump 25-Foot Fences
Boston Dynamics, a company best known for heralding the apocalypse with their futuristic death machines, is at it again -- this time manufacturing the Precision Urban Hopper.
Most of the time, the shoebox-sized robot - which is being developed for the US military - uses its four wheels to get around.
But the Precision Urban Hopper can use a piston-actuated "leg" to launch it over obstacles such as walls or fences.The semi-autonomous, GPS-guided gadget could be used for surveillance in urban environments.
The robot is allegedly able to clear obstacles up to 25-feet high. Which is exactly why I built a 26-foot fence around my anti-robot compound. And dug a moat. Which, FYI, is filled with deadly water dragons. But not luck dragons -- Falcor doesn't like to get wet! But he does like to get high. You're so soft, Falcor. Plus you have a puppy face.
Military robot 'hops' over walls [bbcnews]
and
Youtube
Thanks to TobyRaider, Bobby, JKirchartz, Kelly, Lomig, Kyle, Laux, Jennaiii, shiny bathtub, shawn, Nikki, Fritz, Gonk Assassin, Mark, Spikey DaPikey, prestone, Matty, 2MechanicalArms and Laurent who can't even jump out of bed in the morning. It's called depression, folks, and I have it too.
Sep 9 2009 Huuuge Robot Statue Coming To South Korea
If you thought the 59-foot Gundam statue in Japan was large, boy were you wrong. Because South Korea is erecting a massive 364-foot statue (twice as large as the Statue of Liberty) of Robot Taekwon V (aka Voltar the Invincible). Scared? It gets worse. You see, the statue is being built for a new amusement park called Robot Land. Geez, talk about scarring your children for life. This is worse than coming downstairs on Christmas hoping for a Nintendo, only to find your mom gangbanging the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny underneath the tree. Nobody even ate the cookies!
giant robot taekwon v statue will be six times as large as giant gundam statue [technabob]
Sep 3 2009 'Gravity Tractor' May Prevent Us From Going Out Like The Dinosaurs (Read: In Style)
Apparently some people are worried that the earth might get struck by an asteroid at some point in time and screw up humankind's plans to eff this world up on our own. Yeah -- who invited you, asteroid?! So what do we do? Build a Gravity Tractor (suck it, John Deere!) to avert certain death. Bitchin'.
NASA's Near Earth Object program currently has 145 potentially hazardous asteroids on its list out of 1,062 objects larger than one kilometer in diameter, and 6,292 total discovered objects. What's all that mean? Well, that there's a lot of stuff out there that could potentially impact our planet -- some of it pretty big.
So instead of sending shuttle crews up at the last minute to blow an approaching asteroid up, British astronomers at the Astrophysics Research Centre are planning to build a 10-ton "gravity tractor" spacecraft that will influence the object's trajectory. The process would take some time -- a craft would have to be launched 15 years in advance to really have an effect -- but, once the tractor arrives, it'd hover close by an asteroid and gently guide it along a different path.
Listen NASA, I know we've had our differences in the past (I never touched that alien!), but I would like to volunteer to drive the Gravity Tractor. I have every reason to believe I'd be the perfect candidate: I have mowed my parents' yard several times and I only hit the fence twice and ran over a sprinkler. Also, I have a natural passion for heavy machinery, especially after drinking. You think about it.
Britain plans 'gravity tractor' to protect Earth from asteroids [dvice]
Aug 6 2009 Burn It With Hot Water!: Ramen Cooking Robot
A Tokyo restaurant has programmed an industrial robot nicknamed Ramen-Bot to cook Ramen noodles for soon to be poisoned customers. Now I don't know about you, but I don't trust it. And as a matter of fact -- I only eat food processed in non-robotic factories. Because, damnit, I'm a humanitarian. Mmmm, people.
Thanks to Drew, Michael, cathatter and Chris, who would rather take their chances with employees not washing their hands.
Jul 26 2009 Scientists Fear Robots Are Getting Too Smart
How would you like to wake up to this guy staring at you? You wouldn't, would you? Okay, how about the guy with the phone? I give him a maybe. Anyway, some scientists (the smart ones) fear that robot intelligence is going too far and we must do something to stop them before they stop (read: kill) us.
Impressed and alarmed by advances in artificial intelligence, a group of computer scientists is debating whether there should be limits on research that might lead to loss of human control over computer-based systems that carry a growing share of society's workload, from waging war to chatting with customers on the phone.
[They] generally discounted the possibility of highly centralized superintelligences and the idea that intelligence might spring spontaneously from the Internet. But they agreed that robots that can kill autonomously are either already here or will be soon.
That's right, AUTONOMOUS KILLER ROBOTS. You remember Twiki from Buck Rogers? He was one. Bidi-bidi-bidi!
Thanks to joe, Red, Daniel, Carmen, jabberw0ck, Rogue Cheddar, Retroprofile, Sarah, Princess Padme's Masturbation Fantasy and Patrick, who all help me fight the good fight. Fight first, pizza party second.
Jul 6 2009 KILL IT!: Transformer Robot Really Tranforms
Miss me? I missed you. I hope everyone had a safe yet explosive weekend. Amazingly, I'm still alive and fingerful. Let me tell you: it wasn't easy. Now, let's return to our regularly scheduled program, shall we?
NASA, who I used to respect, wants to build a bunch of transformers to do their dirty work. *shaking head* And I used to want be an astronaut.
NASA wanted a robot that could start as 100 blocky modules dropped from an airplane to a desert, reconfigure into a rover that could drive to a sand dune, and then change again to "grow" legs and climb up it. Once the blocky robot reached the top, it would transform into a greenhouse that could protect a group of seeds for two weeks.
Only 20 of the modules were built during an ambitious project more than two years ago. But together, they are known as Superbot.
Now repeat after me, "All hail Superbot!" ZOMG -- A COUPLE OF YOU ACTUALLY DID IT! You make me sick.
Hit the jump to see two of the robot's other configurations.
Continue Reading " KILL IT!: Transformer Robot Really Tranforms "
Jul 2 2009 Stupid Robots Can't Even Sing Happy Birthday
In honor of Canada Day yesterday and the 4th on Saturday, this is a video of three Wiffle-ball headed robots trying to sing happy birthday and failing so hard I almost felt bad. Almost. Just watch and listen. Did you hear that? It sounded like the one on the left was singing "die die die". IT NEARS!
Robots Sing Happy Birthday to UK Science Museum [robots.net] (who will be receiving a nasty email)
Thanks to Crimsonfox, who used to be Fusciafox until he painted himself to have better luck sneaking into the henhouse.
Jun 29 2009 Carnivorous Robots Eat Meat For Power
That's right folks, robots that consume organic matter to power themselves. Scared yet? You should be. Your pants should be full right now. If not, more fiber. This particular model is a flytrap that digests insects to power a clock.
UK-based designers James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau believe that, if robots are ever to be welcomed into people's homes, they'll need to fit in with the rest of the furniture, and earn their keep. Their prototypes trap and digest pests like flies and mice to gain energy.
Finally, robots that digest meat -- because that's what I want in the house. So let me get this straight: you're a robot AND YOU EAT MEAT. Welcome home!
Hit the jump for another picture of the flytrap and a coffee table that eats mice.
Jun 10 2009 Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes
Well folks, based on the tips I've been getting, it looks like today might turn into Robot Apocalypse Awareness Day (RAAD -- which is ironic, because this is far from the power of sick). Long story short: it's probably best to empty your bowels now. So, apparently the Israeli army has been working on the development of creepy robot snakes (not to be confused with these ones) for use in battle. Not cool. Also, they may need to brush up on their Photoshop skills if they were trying to inconspicuously remove the power cord from that picture.
Well, apparently, the snake's physical attributes and all-terrain mobility advantages haven't gone unnoticed by the Israeli military. The Jerusalem Post is reporting that the Israel Defense Forces (IDF) have introduced an all-terrain snake-like recon robot/UGV (Unmanned Ground Vehicle) a.k.a. robotic snake or "robot snake" to crawl around the battlefield looking for the enemy and potential targets. If it locates the enemy, the robot snake can then slither up to the enemy/target and record audio and video of that target, and then slither right back off.
There is even talk of packing the things with explosives (making them much more like my snake) so you can detonate your enemies from afar. You know, just like that computer game Worms, except nothing like that at all. More like that game Oh Shit What the Eff Are You Thinking, Israel?!. Yeah, just like that one.
Hit the jump for a video of the snake in action.
Continue Reading " Aaaah!: Israeli Army To Deploy Robot Snakes "
Apr 1 2009 Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind
The Honda Research Institute Japan, along with ATR and Shimadzu Corporation (all of whom can expect threatening letters from yours truly) has developed a system that makes it possible to control robots with your thoughts alone. Wow, this doesn't sound scary at all.
The technology uses electroencephalography (EEG) and near-infrared spectroscopy (NIRS) to allow a human to control a robot, in this case the Honda ASIMO, using mere thought. The technology offers up to 90 percent control accuracy without the use of physical implants, a huge milestone in human-to-robot interface that the research group hopes will yield new advances in robotics and artificial intelligence.
What could possibly go wrong? Besides everything. And by everything I mean the destruction of the entire human race. And also, this LEGO castle I'm building. But I put so much time into it!
Hit the jump for a video explaining the technology.
Continue Reading " Great: Controlling Robots With Your Mind "
