Nov 16 2009 WTF WAS THAT?: Boy Loses His Cool, Cries And Punches Wall Over Modern Warfare 2
NOTE: NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE. WATCH IT WITH HEADPHONES ON OR THE VOLUME LOW.
There's rock bottom, and then they're webcam-ing yourself crying and punching the wall over your disappointment about Modern Warfare 2. Jesus, kid, fix yourself a spot of tea and calm the f*** down. Oh, and for the love of God: lose the milk mustache.
Thanks to kweks, who had a meltdown about the new Super Mario Bros. for Wii but was smart enough not to tape it.
Sep 24 2009 Video Game Reality: Paperboy In Real Life
This is a video of the Atari classic Paperboy, but in real life. It's a little longer, and I know most of you have ADD (I'm right here with you), but it's definitely worth a watch while on the clock. Plus, the guys who made it are loyal Geekologists, and you know how I feel about you readers -- I love you all like little sisters! You know, from Bioshock. I'll harvest every last one of you!
Youtube
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Funnyordie
Thanks to D_rock and cooperanimation, who don't need paperboys because they only read Geekologie. Smart. Plus you're saving trees!
Jul 20 2009 What Led Up To The WoW Freak Out Video
Allegedly this is the footage that led up to the infamous World of Warcraft freak-out video. Basically, kid has a dick for a brother and some serious anger management issues. Now I'm not saying he has serial killer written all over him, but he did try to sodomize himself with a remote in a fit of rage. Which I do, and I'm no serial killer. So I think he'll be okay.
Thanks to chrissy mc poopypantsbaconlover, who might want to lay off the bacon for awhile. I kid, totally worth it.
Mar 24 2009 Son Paints 60-Foot Phallus On Parent's Roof
Rory McInnes, 18, inspired by a television program he watched about Google Earth, climbed onto his parent's roof and painted a 60-foot phallus with a bucket of white paint. It took his parents over a year to discover the monster shlong, and now Rory "will have to scrub it off when he gets back from traveling". Haha, scrub it off. But seriously, who the hell paints a giant member ON THEIR OWN HOUSE? Sorry, but I'm chalking this one up as a penis painting fail, Rory. Better luck next dong.
60-foot penis painted on roof [bbcnews]
Thanks to Andy Mac, a-lice, Cian and Pesche, who are all smart enough to only paint junk on other people's houses.
Mar 4 2009 Woman Calls 911 Over McNugget Emergency
NOTE: Video consists of the calls to 911.
Not once. Not twice. But three times did Latreasa Goodman call 911 about the lack of McNuggets at her local McDonald's and the manager's unwillingness to give her a refund.
When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." Goodman noted, "I called 911 because I couldn't get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets," according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report. That logic, however, did not keep cops from citing Goodman for misusing the 911 system. Even after being issued a misdemeanor citation, Goodman contended, "this is an emergency, my McNuggets are an emergency."
I'm with you, Latreasa -- McNuggets ARE an emergency. I've nearly killed cashiers for less. Like that time they told me the McFlurry machine was broken -- I was over the counter and had dude's hand in a deep fryer before you could say Value Meal.
A McNuggets "Emergency" [thesmokinggun]
Thanks to Jason and Tank, who have both called 911 because they didn't get the toys they wanted their Happy Meals.
Feb 16 2009 Vader Kills George Lucas In Brutal Tattoo
A Gizmodo reader by the name of Kevin sent them this picture of his pasty arm.
I got this tattoo about 8 months ago. I believe it perfectly sums up my feelings towards George [Lucas]. I love Star Wars, but I wish George would retire and leave the series in better hands. Just thought you should see it.
Oh snap -- you just got your head Force-choked off, George! Also, nice codpiece, Darth, I like your style.
Now hit the jump to see a real man's tattoo (mine).
Continue Reading " Vader Kills George Lucas In Brutal Tattoo "
Feb 5 2009 Verizon Customer Service Reps Fail At Math
This is a call to Verizon in which neither of the two customer service reps that get on the phone can distinguish the difference between $0.002 and 0.002ยข. Thank God that wasn't me, because I would have shot a laserbeam out of my eyes and accidentally killed the cat. No, I don't have a cell phone, so I don't have to worry about incompetent customer service reps. But what I do have to worry about is rats gnawing through my land line. I saw one drag a whole loaf of bread behind the refrigerator!
Thanks to Joel, Chad and Ollie Williams, who once killed a 411 operator for giving them the wrong number to a nudey bar.
Jan 29 2009 Unhappy Virgin Airways Passenger Writes Richard Branson Complaint Letter About Meal
A Virgin Airways passenger, thoroughly upset with the meal and service during a flight, took matters into his own hand, and wrote Sir Richard Branson a personal complaint letter about the experience. An exerpt:
So lets peel back the tin-foil on the main dish and see what's on offer.
I'll try and explain how this felt. Imagine being a twelve year old boy Richard. Now imagine it's Christmas morning and you're sat their with your final present to open. It's a big one, and you know what it is. It's that Goodmans stereo you picked out the catalogue and wrote to Santa about.Only you open the present and it's not in there. It's your hamster Richard. It's your hamster in the box and it's not breathing. That's how I felt
I just read an article this morning that said the customer actually got a job offer by Virgin to be the food critic for potential in-flight meals. It's a fact: complaint letters really do make dreams come true. And also, Disney. I always wanted to puke on a roller coaster!
Hit the jump to read the whole, lengthy letter, including reference pictures. It's basically the same thing I would have done, except with less cussing and threatening "to open a whole bag of airplane peanuts on that ass".
Sep 17 2008 Just Plain Wrong: A Ferrari Station Wagon
In this installment of money doesn't buy class comes a Ferrari station wagon. It was custom built by Ferrari for the Sultanate of Brunei and is making me sick to my stomach. The only thing worse than paying Ferrari to build a station wagon is to make one yourself. I just don't get it. And in other news, the new Facebook sucks monster hangy-downy dinosaur balls and I wish I did too.
Hit the jump for two more pictures.
Continue Reading " Just Plain Wrong: A Ferrari Station Wagon "
Sep 5 2008 Gungan Delight: A Jar Jar Binks Salad
A Star Wars fan and culinary artist wanted to make a Star Wars-y dish, but was reluctant to eat any of the cool characters. The solution? You guessed it -- Jar Jar.
Jar Jar Binks was easily the worst thing about The Phantom Menace. If I could create a scrumptious salad out of him and serve him up with a tasty crostini, perhaps I might have my revenge.
Jicama proved to be just the right medium for my sculpture -- it's a tuberous root vegetable that is perfect for food carvings. It's crisp, cuts easily and doesn't dry out quickly. Jicama doesn't taste like much but readily absorbs the juices and flavors of a marinade or sauce.
Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures of edible Jar Jar, including one with a knife in his head, along with a link to the DIY page. And if you do decide to make one yourself, remember: save the neck for me, Clark.
Hit it!
Aug 29 2008 Man Sells Last Respect For George Lucas
A man is selling his last respect for George Lucas on eBay, in the form of a Darth Maul figure.
Because this Darth Maul represented my faith in George Lucas (it was bought back in the heady days of 1999 when the words Star and Wars still brought to mind childhood dreams and wonderment), you are also bidding on the last morsels of respect I have for the once all-powerful, formally infallible bearded wonder. If you must know, the use of the woeful Wookie 'Tarzan' cry in Revenge of the Sith is the straw that broke the Bantha's back. It was almost unforgivable in Return of the Jedi, but to have it featured again in Episode 3 was just ridiculously [expletive] STUPID!
I've made so many excuses for George in the past - even to the point of suggesting that Jar Jar would be bearable if he spoke in an alien language with subtitles - but after witnessing the CGI monkeys and gophers in Indiana Jones and the UFOs, I've got nothing left for him (except for what this Darth Maul represents)... And to think of the rabid, blind hope I had towards the end of the 90s before I entered the cinema to see Episode 1...
Bidding starts at $10 Australian, but since the seller is a loyal Geekologie reader, he'll accept an old NES cartridge or a naked picture of....well, anything.
Thanks Porl, I want half of whatever you get. I call left boob if it's a nudey pic.
Jul 7 2008 Kinetic Ball Sculpture At The BMW Museum
Okay so I've been sitting here playing Bomberman on FireNES and pretending those sick, sick women were the enemies in the game. It wasn't working so I went outside and cut down one of my asshole neighbor's trees. Now I'm feeling a little better, but not much. I figured I'd try and post a nice soothing video to make up for that last one that undoubtedly left you permanently scarred.
This is a video of a kinetic ball sculpture in the recently reopened BMW museum in Munich. It has some elevator music playing in the background that'll either put you to sleep or make you want to kill those Star Wars murderers depending on how you feel about ultra-light jazz. Each of the sculpture's 714 metallic balls is held up by string and moves to create some pretty cool looking effects. The last fifteen seconds are the best though, when the balls come together to take the shape of a car. Way to go BMW. Now if you could just spend a little less time playing with your dangling marbles and a little more getting my driver's-side door to open, we'll be all set.
Hit the jump to see a picture of a car the sculpture sometimes makes.
Continue Reading " Kinetic Ball Sculpture At The BMW Museum "
Jun 13 2008 The Anger Release Machine Breaks Things
Let's face it, sometimes you're going apeshit and the only thing that'll make you feel better is breaking something. Enter the Anger Release Machine. It's a vending machine created by artists Katja Kublitz and Ronnie Yarisal that's filled with china. You just insert your money, choose a delicate porcelain object, and then watch it smash to smithereens in the bottom. That feels good, doesn't it? Hell yes it does. And so does screaming at your laptop. ISN'T THAT RIGHT YOU STUPID BLUE-SCREENING PIECE OF SHIT!? Oh yeah, that's the stuff.
Anger Release Machine, Spend Change, Smash China [uberreview]
Jan 24 2008 Retro 8-Bit Watch Really Takes Me Back
The Icon Watch costs about $82 and looks all blocky with its 8-bit styling. I like it. Nice and simple. Really takes me back. Back to the day when I invented a 4-bit watch and was doing great until some company trumped me with an 8-bitter and stole all my damn profits. Thanks a lot, dicks. You heartless moneygrubbing jerks. You will discontinue this line immediately or find out what a 4-bit foot jammed up your 8-bit b-hole feels like.
A couple more pictures after the jump, if you can't decide yet if you want one.
