Aug 17 2009 What Took So Long?: A LEGO Clock Radio
I've been thinking for years how badly the world needs a $30 LEGO clock radio, so why it took so long to finally make one is beyond me. Also, quantum physics, I don't those either.
The LEGO Clock Radio is ten times the size of an original LEGO brick with knobs that work as volume and tuner controls. With an AM/FM radio and snooze feature, you'll start the day off right every morning!
* AM-FM Clock Radio with battery back-up
* 10 times the size of an actual LEGO block
* LCD display with color matched backlight
* 120V AC power adapter
* Requires 4 AA batteries
Wow, not even a CD player. But it does have small parts!
WARNING: CHOKING HAZARD - Small parts. Not for children under 3 yrs.
Listen, if my child decides to rip off those buttons and eat them, that's his prerogative. Isn't that right, GW Jr.? Awww, you look so cute holding that knife.
Thanks to naas, who wakes up the old fashioned way: to gunfire.
Jun 25 2009 No Thanks: World's Largest Alarm Clock
The world's largest alarm clock is actually the sun, but I'll look past that for the sake of this scary bitch, who's convinced he's made the largest. Now I don't want to ruin the video for you, but there is absolutely no way he originally designed that as an alarm.
The World's Biggest Alarm Clock [geekygadgets]
Thanks to MaverickPS, who wakes up the way God intended: with a dog licking his face.
Jun 24 2009 Afraid To Sleep: The Sonic Bomb Alarm Clock
The Sonic Bomb alarm clock is powerful enough to raise the dead. Why? For one, it comes with a 113dB alarm (louder than a jackhammer). But if that's not enough to wake you from your beauty fugly rest, it also flashes a bedside lamp on and off and has a 12-volt bed vibrator. Awake yet? The bomb sells for $43 and is guaranteed to make you frightened to fall asleep. Not unlike my creepy roommate, who, damnit, I CAN SEE YOU THERE BY THE DRESSER.
Thanks to Cameron, who BOOM SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE THE ROOM.
Dec 24 2008 Blast Out Of Bed With The Rocket Alarm!
The $25 Rocket Launcher Alarm Clock is phallic as hell and I want one really badly. When it's time to wake up the rocket ship blasts off -- and you have to retrieve said rocket and replace it on the base for the beeping to stop. Alternatively, you can break the base. And while this certainly isn't the worst way to wake up, it is a close second behind the SWAT team busting into your bedroom. Those guys act like they've never seen a little morning wood before. Somebody fetch the proverbial buck saw -- this timber looks like a two-man job.
rocket launcher alarm clock blasts into orbit to wake you up [technabob]
Thanks to Julian, who requires like 16 diamond-toothed chainsaws to dispatch his morning lumber.
Sep 4 2008 Gun O'Clock: It's Time To Shoot Something!
The Gun O'Clock is similar in design to this alarm, and puts a new spin on the "annoying as all hell" alarm clock market. When the "Pi Pi Pi Pi Pi Pi Pi" alarm sounds, a target pops up and you have to shoot the bullseye enough times to stop the noise and reset the target. The $40 alarm is currently available for preorder and is sure to make getting up a lot more shooty. Or you can do what I do and do a little bedroom skeet shooting in the morning. Pull! BLAM BLAM Damn, I am the L337 shooter. Did you see that, honey? Honey? Oh shit. Quick, somebody help me flip the mattress.
Product Page
via
Morning Target Practice- Gun O'clock [rinkya]
Aug 5 2008 Wake Up To Meat: The Wake N' Bacon
The Wake n' Bacon is a collaborative alarm clock design by Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini and Hsiao-huh Hsu. It wakes you up with the delicious scent of bacon instead of beeping. How?
A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n' Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.
Simple as that. No loud noises, no breaking your alarm, just delicious bacon. Now what you need to do is keep a mini-fridge by the bed so you can toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later, more bacon. Toss in another piece, hit snooze, and ten minutes later you can't see your penis past your pork-gut anymore because you've been eating two pounds of bacon every morning.
Thanks Mac and Liz, now make one that can cook an egg and biscuit too.
Jun 4 2008 Wake Up Equipment: DANGERBOMB CLOCK Goes Boom -- Boom, All Up In Your Room!
The $22 DANGERBOMB CLOCK looks like a bomb and shouldn't be taken on flights. It's the next generation in wake up equipment that requires you to do something besides slap a button to actually turn the damn thing off. How does it work? Per the translated Amazon Japan page:
Product specifications:Do not happen in the explosion and quickly ugh? KACHI KACHI KACHI... wake-up time bomb-type device! Danger Bomb Clock!! Danger Bomb Clock!!
DOKI DOKI DOKI... "What a piece of wire to stop the explosion I can...?!" In film and television, to stop the time bomb which one should staple a line scene. Such a scene reminiscent of a time bomb alarm clock, and a parody of fun.
Set in a predetermined number of hours to the sound of heavy explosions. In other words, turn off the alarm switch in the explosion, three of the wiring was imitated one of a number. Three, how to stop it is through daily random set. This will also no longer be late? Daily life for the thrill and excitement...!
Basically the alarm goes off and one of the colored lights blinks indicating which wire you have to separate to turn it off. If you choose the wrong one it makes loud explosion noises and scares the shit out of your cats. Simple as that. Now I'm not totally sure what happens if you just disconnect all the wires the night before, but if I had to guess I'd say I'm f***in' MacGyver!
And he's the bottom.
Translated Amazon Product Page
Thanks to Redd, who actually taught MacGyver everything he knows.
May 14 2008 Another Annoying Alarm Clock To Break
Here at Geekologie we've had no shortage whatsoever of ridiculous alarm clocks that use various annoying methods to get you out of bed and ready for another horrible day of life. But here comes another anyways. When the $40 Puzzle Alarm Clock goes off it launches three puzzle pieces out of the base. You then have to find said pieces and return them to their respective resting places. It sounds like a freaking disaster waiting to happen. I would have that thing smashed to bits before you could say "where's the star piece?" Mostly because I never learned my shapes. That's right -- I was the kid in kindergarten that tried to wedge the square peg into the round hole and glued his head to his cot during naptime. But look at me now -- on top of the freaking world. Okay, maybe just on top of house. I'm gonna jump!
Puzzle Alarm Clock Looks Seriously Infuriating [uberreview]
Apr 2 2008 Pole Dancer Alarm Clock Looks Cheap, Just How I Like My Alarm Clocks, Wine, & Women
This Pole-Dancing Alarm Clock looks like an utter piece of crap, a lot like the USB Stripper. It costs $40. What do you get for your two Jacksons?
Product Features:
• Spinning Pole/Dancer
• Music
• Time
• Alarm
Awesome. So she swings around to the tune of some cheesy song. On an alarm clock base that you can't even read the time on. Where in the hell do they come up with this garbage? It's uch junk. And how about the way they're objectifying women? Downright tacky. I swear, I'm tempted to write the company making this and tell them how disgusted I am. I wouldn't pay a single red cent for such a crappy crap crapingly *girlfriend steps out of room to stuff her face with ice cream* AWESOME alarm clock that I simply MUST have. One for each room of the house. Oooh, and one for the dashboard of my car. What the hell, one for the back window too.
Pole-Dancer Alarm Clock helps you rise to the occasion [dvice]
Mar 13 2008 Pillow Brightens To Wake You Up Gradually
The Glo Pillow is a foam pillow with alarm clock innards. 40 minutes before your desired wake time it slowly begins lighting its integrated LEDs to gently bring you back to reality. Apparently it's a much more natural way to rise in the morning that a traditional alarm. It sure as hell is a better way to get up than the fire bell alarm clock, but maybe not as nice as the Orgasmo Alarm Clock. You know, it's not so much that I love sleep and hate the prospect of a new day that makes opening my eyes in the morning so tough. Nope, it's chronic pink eye.
Glo Pillow Wakes You Up Gently [ohgizmo]
Feb 15 2008 Teenager Alarm May Be Banned In England
If you haven't heard (!) yet, stores and malls in England have been using a device called the Mosquito Alarm to keep kids from loitering. It's basically like a dog whistle, but for kids. The device "emits high-frequency noise which is audible — and annoying — to young ears, but generally not heard by people over 20." Apparently it's the same frequency that kids have been using for cell phone rings to avoid adults hearing incoming calls when they're using them places they shouldn't. Now England's commissioner for children and a civil liberties group are joining the fight to ban the alarm devices. I, for one, don't live in England but am all for the use of these devices. Hell, I want one installed in the house. My son just isn't getting the hint. I turned his room into an office, changed the locks to the house, and the asshole still hangs out on the lawn. I mean Jesus, he's 14, time to leave home already.
High-Pitched, Anti-Teen Gadget Under Threat [therawfeed]
Thanks to Delphine, who is beautiful and can't hear these noises, for the tip
Jan 15 2008 Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack
I don't have trouble waking up in the morning because I have a cat that lets me know it’s time to rise by sticking his b-hole to my face. But if you don't have such a considerate cat then maybe you need something a little more serious. How about a fire bell alarm clock? I can guarantee it's loud enough to wake you up or give you a heart attack. While it looks pretty easy to make, I wouldn't suggest it unless you're really hard of hearing or just hate life. While I may install one in my girlfriend's shed to ensure she's not late for work, I'll be sticking (literally) to my kitty’s suction a-hole alarm.
Video tutorial after the jump.
Continue Reading " Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack "
Nov 30 2007 Orgasmo Alarm Clock: What It Sounds Like
The Orgasmo Clock wakes you up in the morning to the invigorating moan of a woman having an orgasm. Which is pretty freaking awesome if you ask me. It costs $25. I don't need one though, because I almost always wake up to a woman having an orgasm. Unfortunately it's my girlfriend having sex with my roommate. :(
Orgasmo Clock: Wake Up to a Female Orgasm Everyday [gizmodo]
Nov 23 2007 Life Clock: Not For The Lazy Or Irresponsible
The Life Clock is the lovechild of an alarm clock and one of those annoying-ass Tamagotchi virtual pets that always died on me. They're available in a variety of colors and run about $30. When the alarm goes off in the morning and you hit snooze or take too long to get to it, the little people that live inside suffer. Which is awesome. Because if there's one thing I love in this world it's watching little LCD people suffer. I'm going to get one and put two really weak batteries in so they'll be hurting right out of the box. Then I'll stuff it under a few pillows and let it go off all day. Take that you little bastards.
Life Clock is a fun way to start your day [newlaunches]
Nov 19 2007 USB Laptop Alarm: Don't Know How I Feel
Belkin's USB Laptop Alarm is questionable and funny looking. It costs $25. Basically you attach the base to a sturdy object and plug the USB cable into your computer. If someone disconnects the laptop without first inserting the magic key then an alarm sounds. If someone (you) loses the key then you have to steal your own laptop from yourself while everyone watches and you scream "I swear it's mine! I just lost the key to this stupid alarm!" Which is pretty much the technique I use to steal laptops. Except I wear pantyhose over my head for good measure.
Keep your laptop safe with a USB alarm [coolestgadgets]
Oct 29 2007 USB Blender Alarm Is Very Confused
The USB Blender Alarm Clock from Brando is in the running for the worst USB gadget. It's an alarm clock with "funky and retro design" that can be powered via USB or batteries. When the alarm goes off the unit spins its styrofoam balls and plays one of four 1970's game-show themes. Makes perfect sense right? I was all for one until I read the warning "Do not open the cover. Do not eat the balls." So the bastards at Brando were too cheap to use non-toxic balls. Figures. I was wondering how they could sell this marvel of technology for a paltry $25 and still turn a profit.
Worst USB Gadget Yet: Blender Alarm Clock [therawfeed]
Oct 9 2007 Lightning Alarm Clock Shocks You Awake
Okay, the clock doesn't actually shock you in the traditional sense. It just makes crackling and buzzing electrical noises to wake you up. It also has a little lightning show in the glass tube when the alarm goes off. It costs $60. Now call me crazy, but who the hell wants to wake up to the sound of electrical discharge? It might as well be gunfire and explosions. Stupid as it is, I'll still take it over my current alarm any day. Which is a cat licking my face with the same tongue he just used to give the other cat's a-hole a good spot cleaning.
Lightening Alarm Clock Harnesses The Power Of The Gods [uberreview]
Oct 9 2007 Credit Card Reminder For Heavy Drinkers
The Doberman Credit Card Reminder is a device that reminds you to get your credit card back from the bartender at the end of the night. You push one of the buttons, which starts an alarm for 1-4 hours, and when the time is up it beeps and flashes it's LED. This amazing technology costs $8. I gave it a go one night and it didn't get my card back. I was so drunk I thought it's blinking and beeping meant it was time to try making out with the bartender. She broke my nose and kicked me out. She's so hot.
Doberman Security Credit Card Reminder [ohgizmo]
Sep 7 2007 Grenade Alarm Clock Is Not Explosive
No matter how hard I try I always wake up in the morning. I'm getting tired (!) of it. Because leaving the bed sucks, I try to make the experience as pleasant as possible. That's where the hookers and drugs come into play. If that's not for you, then check this puppy out. It's a Hand Grenade Alarm Clock from Toyo Trading that you have to chuck at the wall (or ceiling fan) to turn off. Pretty clever eh? Yeah, I don't know about it either. I'm sticking to mine, which is two breasts you have to rub tenderly in order to turn off. It's called my girlfriend, and she always wakes me up in the morning talking about how handsome I am and how I'm the world's sexiest lover.
Grenade Alarm Clock Is Not Explosive [therawfeed]
Mar 8 2007 Banclock alarm forces you to save
Banclock is a cubic alarm clock from Japan that has no off switch or snooze button. The only way you can turn it off is by feeding it some coins every morning. It was designed to force you to save a little money every day, but it's constant beeping would only remind me of how poor I am. Every morning when I couldn't find any change to give it I'd just lie in bed crying, listening to the beeping of my own failure.
