Nov 4 2009 Living At The Airport: Luggage Turns To Sofa

This 4-piece luggage ensemble by Dutch designer Erik De Nijs forms a comfortable little sofa when you're not dragging it around the airport. Sure it's all mixy-matchy, but maybe Erik is blind and the woman at the fabric store didn't have the heart to tell him he chose four different patterns. Of course she didn't -- like women have hearts! BWHAHAHAHAHA!! Or motor skills. BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Suited Case by Erik De Nijs [likecool]

Thanks to Stephy, who once slept in an airport for two weeks straight and has ridden the baggage conveyor belt to the end.

Jul 20 2009 Found Her!: Carmen Sandiego Spotted In Wild

I swear this is old, but honestly, that's never stopped me from posting anything in the past, so why stop now? I'M RUNNING THIS RED LIGHT! Anyway, the law finally caught up with Carmen Sandiego at an undisclosed airport. And as you can see, she hasn't aged as well as I was hoping. Remember when Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego? first came out and your friend convinced you if you beat the game 200 times you got to see her naked? Yeah, I know all my world capitals.

Carmen Sandiego Has Been Found! [geekstir]

Thanks to Joemo, who once found a Carmen Sandiego shaped barbecue chip but accidentally broke it before he could sell it on eBay.

Oct 28 2008 OLD!: UFO Guy Probably Tripping Constantly

You've probably seen this video before, but I hadn't. Does that make you better than me? Oh fo sho. Anyway, it's some guy that has sneaking acid onto planes down pat, rambling about a UFO siting in Chicago last winter. He reminds me of the rainbow lady, if the rainbow lady was a dude telling me my face was melting off.

Thanks to Miriam, who loves antiques as much as I do.

Oct 6 2008 Passengers Worried X-Ray Security Shots Will Wind Up On Facebook And Myspace

Passengers are worried that pictures from a new x-ray security camera, the "virtual strip search", will end up online and display their privates for the whole social networking world to see.

Readers feel the new security measure has gone too far.

"Sure as heck, some customs officers will make snide remarks about young girls with breast implants and people with piercings in private locations. You betcha some will appear on Facebook or MySpace," said a post on news.com.au

However, authorities insist there's nothing to worry about.

"Faces are blurred and images are not saved and cannot be transferred," said Office of Transport Security executive director Paul Retter.

Oh yeah, because I'm dying to see some fuzzy monochromatic images of a chick's privates on Facebook. Wait....I think I am. Sweet!

Passengers fear airport "virtual strip search" [news.com.au]

Oct 2 2008 Bad Idea: X-Ray Messages For Your Luggage

Evan Roth designed these custom etched metal plates to show up on X-ray machines when your luggage is scanned at the airport. And let me tell you, airport security loooooves a good joke. Like the time I drank a half liter of bourbon waiting for my flight out of Vegas and fell asleep under a chair and missed my flight by four hours. Oh man, they loved that one.

Metal Plate X-Ray Messages - Because Airport Security Officers Have A Great Sense Of Humor [ohgizmo]

Thanks to Heather, who loves being drunk in the airport as much as I do.

Aug 7 2008 Giant Trackball: Ass-Assisted PC Peripheral

The Backball Chair is actually a giant trackball you can use to control a computer. Designed by Interaction Architecture, it was "specifically intended for use in public spaces like airports." Of course, because that makes perfect sense. Seriously, why use a mouse when you can roll your ass right off a giant trackball. Talk about a time-saver. Seriously though, I liked the idea enough to build one out of my spare testicle. My roommate just finished giving it a whirl, and I'm hoping for some positive feedback. So buddy, what'd you thi....WHY THE FUCK ARE THERE SKID MARKS ON MY TRACKBALL?

Backball chair lets you mouse by the seat of your pants [engadget]

Jul 1 2008 Paper Shampoo: Because Liquids Are Sketchy

The last time I tried to fly I woke up on the floor beside the bed. And the time before that airport security confiscated my juice box. Needless to say my hair was unkempt. So how can you get some shampoo on your next flight without a hassle? Simple -- Paper Shampoo.
Paper Shampoo comes in boxes of 30 sheets and costs $12.50 for two packages. They dissolve into a lather whenever you add water (including salt-water, which is awesome because I do the majority of my bathing at sea). Plus they're mint scented. And if there's one thing I've learned in my 40-odd years on this planet, it's this: mint-flavored hair is freaking delicious.

Paper Shampoo lets you travel with clean hair without being branded a terrorist [dvice]

Jun 2 2008 Man Nearly Arrested For Transformers Shirt

Brad Jayakody, 30 (that's him in the picture), was almost arrested for attempting to board a flight from London to Dusseldorf, Germany while wearing that Transformers t-shirt.

Mr Jayakody said the first guard started joking with him about the Transformers character depicted on his French Connection T-shirt. "Then he explains that since Megatron is holding a gun, I'm not allowed to fly,' he said. A spokesman for Heathrow operator BAA said: 'If a T-shirt had a rude word or a bomb on it, for example, a passenger may be asked to remove it.

'We are investigating what happened to see if it came under this category.

'If it's offensive, we don't want other passengers upset.'

Freaking wow. Now I hate flying as much as the next kid whose father pushed them off the roof with a bedsheet hang glider, but seriously, you know? Seriously. Wow. In all honesty though, companies shouldn't even be allowed to sell Transformer t-shirts. It's a freaking terrorist act and breeds robot sympathizers.

Man threatened with arrest at Heathrow for wearing Transformers T-shirt [dailymail]

Thanks to Neko, who finds robot sympathizers as despicable as I do

Mar 14 2008 Camera Can See Through Clothing But Sadly Not In The Way That I Was Hoping For :(

The ThruVision camera, using T-ray ("terahertz ray") technology, can see through people's clothes. The technology has been used by astronomers for some time to study stars, and recently somebody decided to test it on a woman's blouse. Ha, I just said blouse, I'm so old school. Anyways, you won't spot any boobage, but the camera can detect drugs, weapons and explosives from up to 25 meters away.

(T-ray) radiation is a form of low level energy emitted by all people and objects. These are able to pass through clothing, paper, ceramics and wood but are blocked by metal and water. The system works by collecting these waves and processing them to form an image which can reveal concealed objects.

So yeah, the systems are likely to be implemented in airports, subways, train stations, etc. God I'm depressed about this. I get a message in my inbox that reads "Camera that can see through clothing invented" and naturally I got pretty excited. Too bad it only sees in colored blobs. Someone give me a call when the actual T-T ray camera is invented.

Camera 'looks' through clothing [bbcnews]
and
New Brit Security Camera Sees Through Clothes [therawfeed]

Thanks to Franco, who I forgive for the false hope, for the tip

Nov 19 2007 USB Laptop Alarm: Don't Know How I Feel

Belkin's USB Laptop Alarm is questionable and funny looking. It costs $25. Basically you attach the base to a sturdy object and plug the USB cable into your computer. If someone disconnects the laptop without first inserting the magic key then an alarm sounds. If someone (you) loses the key then you have to steal your own laptop from yourself while everyone watches and you scream "I swear it's mine! I just lost the key to this stupid alarm!" Which is pretty much the technique I use to steal laptops. Except I wear pantyhose over my head for good measure.

Keep your laptop safe with a USB alarm [coolestgadgets]

Nov 13 2007 Luggage Robot Follows You With Your Stuff

Take a look at the picture. I know what you're thinking, because I thought the same thing when I first saw it. "What the f*** is that?" To my disappointment it turns out to not be a big blue train coming at you, but a luggage robot. A Russian based company will be selling "Tony", the suitcase that follows you, starting in 2009. You carry a card in your pocket and the little bastard follows you around the airport using its robotic brain, internal gyroscope, and all kinds of other detectors and sensors. If someone takes it or your card an alarm goes off. The company is already taking orders, and will gladly take your $2,000, but I'd wait if I was you. I typically don't advise buying an item in advance that only exists as an incredibly shitty drawing in Microsoft Paint.

Note: Yes, that's the real picture they provide.

Robotic Suitcase Follows Owner Around Like R2D2 [therawfeed]

Aug 29 2007 Complaint Coconuts Not Edible

MIT Media Lab researcher Tad Hirsh has developed, um, these things. Coconuts with cell phones inside that call the San Jose Airport complaint line when they detect low flying aircraft noise. The following is a real message one of them leaves, believe it or not.

Uh… Hey. Um, yeah. So… Um, this is…. Yeah, no, like, I’m… Shut up, no, I’m talking. Okay, so, yeah. So, all these planes, man… It’s crazy. It’s like a roooaarrrrr. Dude, I need a pizza… Could you send me a pepperoni pizza? Dude, that would be great. Wait wait wait wait wait, put some mushrooms on that. Yeah, mushrooms. Sweet.

Now with messages like that, this project is going to accomplish nothing. Better to call it off and tell bums in the area there are trees that grow cell phones, then film the hilarity that ensues. Then pay two of them a dollar each to punch the hell out of each other.

Check out the official site to listen to the other painful messages.

Official Site [via ohgizmo]

Aug 16 2007 Airplane Security Collar

Above is the schematic for an invention by Italian Paolo Valletta that is um, well, it's like a shock collar for dogs, except it injects your neck with a tranquilizer if you start acting up on a plane. Using this device, the flight attendants would be able to knock out any passenger on the plane, or all if necessary. Which, at least for me, is entirely unnecessary. After my typical pre-flight liter of bourbon and handful of sleeping pills I'm usually peaceful. This thing would probably kill me.

Airplane Security Collar [livescience]

Aug 13 2007 Suitcase Chair

If you hate using public seating like me, then you know how important it can be to have a personal sitting device available at all times. Enter the suitcase chair. In case you couldn't tell, it's a suitcase that turns into a chair. We may have a regular da Vinci on our hands here this thing is so brilliant. I was just thinking the other day I wished that my good for nothing suitcase could transform into a sweet chair with fake carbon fiber veneer. Not only that, but the excitement of getting to pick up all my stuff after it's been dumped on the bus station floor nearly had me in tears I wanted one so bad.

Suitcase Chair [2DayBlog]