Nov 1 2009 Stay Fresh: Mad Muffin Beyond Bagel Dome
The Bagel Dome (Dome Dome Dome) is a $40 battery powered vacuum dome made to keep bagels and other oxygen-hating perishables fresh (JUST USE A DYSON, GOD). I contacted the manufacturer and the lady on the phone said it also works for donuts but I have my doubts. Which is exactly why I just invented the Donut Dome, which isn't just a Bagel Dome with 'Doughnut Dome' scratched into the plastic EXCEPT IT IS BECAUSE I'M A GENIUS INVENTOR. I also discover elements and name them after my pets! Rutherfordium? That was me. Great dog.
Oct 15 2009 UPDATE: 6-Year Old (NOT) Floating Around In Homemade UFO Balloon
That's no 'Get Well' balloon, that's a 20' foil aircraft with a 6-year old boy inside, floating aimlessly 8,000 feet above eastern Colorado. Uh-oh.
The helium balloon was tethered to the boy's family home in Fort Collins, the Larimer County Sheriff's Department said. The boy got into the craft Thursday morning and undid the rope anchoring it.
Margie Martinez of the Weld County Sheriff's Office said a sibling saw the boy climb into the basket before the balloon took off. Since the door on the balloon was unlocked, Martinez said it's possible the boy had fallen out."The structure at the bottom of the balloon that the boy is in is made of extremely thin plywood and won't withstand any kind of a crash at all," said Erik Nilsson, Larimer County emergency manager, according to CNN affiliate KMGH.
Great, so he either fell out or won't survive the crash. Hooray for positive thinking. Come back down safely, balloon boy.
UPDATE: No boy when balloon landed. Not good.
UPDATE UPDATE: Falcon (the boy's actual name) was found hiding in a box in the garage attic (great search effort). This calls for celebration! (you hold him down, I'll tie on the fireworks)
6-year-old Colorado boy floats away in balloon [cnn]
Thanks to Jimmothy, stacy, jordana, dorothy, NICKSTER, rya, Jake, e.,The Superficial Writer, steven, Nigel, Valhalla, Lizzie, Noah and pepe la PEW PEW, whose parents thankfully never let them play around giant UFO balloons unsupervised.
Oct 9 2009 Cool!: Beluga Whales Can Blow Bubble Rings
So apparently beluga whales know how to blow bubble rings, making them perfect for children's birthday parties and arguably the smartest creatures in the ocean. You hear that merfolk? Your finned asses just got demoted!
And while they chug through the water at a sluggish 2 to 5mph, their mental power more than makes up for their slowness. Scientists don't really know why Belugas - like their fellow marine mammals, the dolphins - are fond of blowing bubbles and then chasing them. But it's likely that, just like children, they simply enjoy messing about.
Some scientists have called Belugas the most intelligent creatures on earth. But don't confuse that large forehead with a huge brain.It is actually filled with a lump of wax, which is thought to help the whales communicate. In fact, they are so talkative - using chirps, squeals and squeaks - that their nickname is 'the canary of the sea'.
Yes, 'the canary of the sea'. Not to be confused with 'the poisonous chicken of the sea', which is the Japanese Puffer Fish. I ate twelve and still lived! NOW WHO'S THE DEADLIEST CATCH COMPETITIVE EATER?! This guy.
Hit the jump for several more of the ring-blowing fun.
Continue Reading " Cool!: Beluga Whales Can Blow Bubble Rings "
Sep 21 2009 I Can't Even See The Puck: Trippy Air Hockey
This is video of a Japanese air hockey table (possibly manufactured by Sega) that's designed to give game participants seizures. I couldn't even see the puck most of the time. And not just because I was rolling around on the floor clutching my eyes, but I was. Your mom keeps sending nudey pics!
Hit the jump for two more videos of the table, the first of which has a bunch of fake pucks on the table the whole time, and the second demonstrating the table's variable goal size capabilities.
Continue Reading " I Can't Even See The Puck: Trippy Air Hockey "
Sep 10 2009 Military Experimenting With Airless Tires
We've known about airless tires for a while now here on Geekologie, but now the US military is getting involved and testing them sums of beaches out on some of their vehicles. But not their tanks -- they don't have any air to begin with, silly!
The advantages of airless tires are obvious: they can't be punctured and they never go flat. But it clearly takes a lot of science to get the proper material that can stand up to the pressure of a multi-ton military vehicle sitting on top of it.
Nice, military, but how about some REAL airless tires. I'm talking about hover wheels, bitches! I know that shit exists, we stole the technology from the aliens. GET OUT OF MY HEAD GOVERNMENT! Quick, somebody Reynolds Wrap me, STAT!
May 6 2009 OLD Hover Scooter Is OLD, From The '60's
The Hover Scooter may have made its debut in December, 1960, but that doesn't make it any less the vehicle I want to ride to work everyday. Also, if any of you ladies are interested in a lift I'll even mount a seat on the blower. And I'm not just saying that so I can make a 'If you can read this, my bitch got sucked into the intake' t-shirt, but, damnit you got me!
Hover Scooter [neatorama]
Apr 20 2009 Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir
I know what you're thinking, "holy shit, that glass has a tumor!", and you're right, it kind of does. The Glass Tank is a conceptual wine receptacle that keeps your glass topped off at a constant level. That way you get drunk with while you're, you know, I've been drinking. Now I know -- 4.20's supposed to be about smoking, but, and it might just be the booze talking -- but I love booze. Also, this is a stupid idea. I already have a wine glass with built in receptacle -- it's called the box. Or, if I feel like being Mr. Fancy Pants, the bottle. Class: you can't spell Geekologie Writer without it.
Hit the jump for one more shot of how it works (air replaces wine in reservoir as you drink).
Continue Reading " Wine Glass Features Convenient Reservoir "
Apr 6 2009 I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate
Normally I'm an airplane glue kind of guy, but hey, chocolate could be good. Good mixed with airplane glue! That's what I'm talkin' about -- double fist style! Anyway, Le Whif breathable chocolates are supposed to give you the same sensations as eating chocolate, but probably nowhere near as good. An analogy: Breathable chocolate:chocolate::porn:sex. With both breathable chocolate and porn you get no ass! ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING!
Over the centuries we've been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals," says (David) Edwards who, coincidentally (yeah, right) has a new novel out at the same time. It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we've helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.
No, we call it huffing, Dave. Whiffing is when you try to punch somebody and miss. If you're interested, Le Whif huffgun shells are available in chocolate, mint chocolate, chocolate raspberry and chocolate mango and sell for about $4 a pop. No word on how much huff you get out of a single canister, but if I had to guess, I'd say one...two...three... *CRUNCH* three.
Hit the jump for a video of some bicycle-seat whiffing in action.
Continue Reading " I Like The Sound Of That: Huffable Chocolate "
Apr 3 2009 I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls
You heard right, 31-year old Utrecht-based designer Sander Reijgers modifies track jackets with parts from blow-up dolls to make them mad sexy. It's about time!
I customize existing tracksuit tops with parts of the blow-up dolls: the head, the breasts, the vagina, the anus. These dolls are so ugly and vulgar that turning them into something beautiful has become a challenge for me. The doll is a means to convey something else.
ZOMG, I want one! Except I want mine to have like a hundred vaginas and two nipples on the head like little antennae. Wait till the people on the bus seem me! "ZIP ZAP, I AM FROM MARS."
Hit the jump to see several better ones, I only chose this picture for the front page because of that junkie's ass.
Continue Reading " I Want: Jackets Made From Blow-Up Dolls "
Mar 3 2009 Now Turn Away Son While I Blow Up Your Toy
This is a Wolverine punching bag. I bought one for my son. Blowing it up was my first homosexual experience. But it won't be my last.
Jan 28 2009 Make Your Own LEGO Valve Steam Caps
Want to make your own LEGO valve stem caps for your full-scale LEGO car? No problem. Take a LEGO block, hollow it out, glue in a regular cap, and PRESTO, some jerk steals them within the first week. Which reminds me, remember when you used to steal the hood ornaments off luxury cars and wear them as a necklace? Well I still do that.
Hit the jump for another picture in case you're dying to know what one looks like on the inside (who isn't?!)
Jan 22 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings
Air Guitar Strings cost $3 plus shipping and are an empty package that reads "Air Guitar Strings". Very clever. if you're thinking about buying them, here's an idea: why don't you give me half the money you were gonna pay, then we'll go out back, I'll kick you in the nuts, and we'll call it a day?
Hit the jump for the Vegas Vacation clip that's from and a link to the product page.
Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Air Guitar Strings "
Dec 22 2008 Float-A-Pet Prevents Pet Drownings
The Float-A-Pet floating dog collar saves pet lives should God decide to spite us with another flood for all the debauchery. When the collar's sensors detect water -- PFFFFT -- the collar inflates, keeping most tiny-ass dogs and cats afloat by their neck. Also, I'd say it probably works on turtles. But seriously Noah, you could have saved yourself a ton of labor.
Floating dog collar will keep your pooch afloat in a flood [dvice]
Dec 15 2008 Dubai Resort Building Air-Conditioned Beach
A new Versace hotel in Dubai is going to feature an air-conditioned beach. Ha, and all this time I thought beaches were supposed to be hot.
A system of heat-absorbing pipes and giant wind blowers will "keep tourists cool in the searing 40-50C (104-122F) heat." Soheil Abedian, president of Palazzo Versace hotel that will be home to the refrigerated beach, said: "We will suck the heat out of the sand to keep it cool enough to lie on. This is the kind of luxury that top people want."
Top people? What the f*** is a top person? And, more importantly, how do I become one? Unfortunately, this opulence comes at a cost. Namely, mother nature's ass.
The city's continued expansion will also add to its huge carbon footprint. Each person living in Dubai has a carbon footprint of more than 44 tons of CO2 a year.
A 44-ton footprint -- that's bigger than Bigfoot's! But seriously, Satan, how about a little AC down here, it's freaking hot.
Versace hotel to refrigerate beach [news.au]
Thanks Natalie and jumpin_j, now listen: don't sin lest you want a burning coal jammed up your ass for eternity. And *TSSSSSSSSSS* OH MOTHER OF MELTING ASS TRUST ME YOU DOOOOOOON'T!
Dec 9 2008 Pentagon PEWing For Guided Bullet Tech
The Pentagon is tossing $22 million at developing guided bullet technology that would enable a bullet to change course midflight because it wasn't shot right first in the first place, the wind changed, or the head you were aiming at moved. *closing blinds* Greeeaaaaat.
Darpa won't say, publicly, how far, how long and how accurate they want the new bullets to be -- all that information is classified. But they will say that Exacto should contain a next-gen scope, a guidance system that provides information to direct the projectile, an "actively controlled .50-caliber projectile that uses this information for real-time directional flight control," and a rifle. "Technologies of interest may include: fin-stabilized projectiles, spin-stabilized projectiles, internal and/or external aero-actuation control methods, projectile guidance technologies, tamper proofing, small stable power supplies, and advanced sighting, optical resolution and clarity technologies."
Hey Darpa, I hate to ruin the party, but guided bullets already exist. They're called missiles. Yeah, they're laser guided and they shoot out of my penis. PEW on this, moneywasters! Oh, just a minute. *PSSH* Oh -- *PSSSSHHH* Aaaahh -- *PSSSSSHOOOOOOOOW!!*
Pentagon Shoots $22 Million Into Guided-Bullet Tech [wired]
Thanks to Erick, who came up with that PEW *WHOOSH* PEW thing, and never misses the urinal.
Nov 4 2008
Coming Soon: The Air Car Pod
Zero Pollution Motors plans to drop the AirPod like it's hot. And soon (~2011). The compressed-air powered vehicle will cost about $20,000 (!) and run on little more than, well, air. Oh, and, alternatively, a little oil, alcohol, or gas.
The air car can tool along at a top speed of 35 mph for some 60 miles or so on a tank of compressed air, a sufficient distance for 80% of consumers to commute to work and back and complete daily chores.
On highways, the CAV can cruise at interstate speeds for nearly 800 miles with a small motor that compresses outside air to keep the tank filled. The motor isn't finicky about fuel. It will burn gasoline or diesel as well as biodiesel, ethanol or vegetable oil.
Even if running on gas, the death trap averages over 100 mpg. Which, while impressive, is nowhere near as good as a pirate ship.
One more picture of the shoebox on wheels after the jump.
Sep 25 2008 Wearable Airbags For The Clumsy, Elderly
Japanese manufacturer Prop is now selling wearable airbags for old folks and people who just can't stand for long.
Its newly announced personal, wearable airbag looks like a cool fanny-pack and weighs a mere 1.1 kilograms (2.4 pounds) -- but springs forth in one-tenth of a second when sensors detect you're headed for the floor, protecting your head and ass with two inflated bags that contain 3.9 gallons of gas each.
Unfortunately, safety comes at a price. And that price is $1,400. Are grandma's delicate bones worth the cost? Hint: Duct tape and pillows.
Wearable airbags keep the elderly from hitting the ground so hard [engadget]
Thanks to Julian and Ross, who both threw themselves down the stairs wearing bubblewrap jackets and lived to tell about it.
Jul 22 2008 MacBook Touch Hitting Streets In October?
There have been rumors flying that a MacBook touch could be hitting the market as early as October. Allegedly these rumors are substantiated too, as they came from a MacDailyNews source that broke the wireless iTunes story early as well.
Think MacBook screen, possibly a bit smaller, in glass with iPhone-like, but fuller-featured Multi-Touch. Gesture library. Full Mac OS X. This is why they bought P.A. Semi. Possibly with Immersion's haptic tech. Slot-loading SuperDrive. Accelerometer. GPS. Pretty expensive to produce initially, but sold at "low" price that will reduce margins. Apple wants to move these babies. And move they will. This is some sick shit. App Store-compatible, able to run Mac apps, too. By October at the latest.
Okay, I've heard enough. Admittedly, I was believing it at first, but now I can tell it's is a lie. How? Trusted sources don't say "This is some sick shit." That's like a back alley plastic surgeon promising you "the sweetest f***in' knockers this eye ever saw" while tapping his eyepatch and waving a machete. Sure you want to believe it, but you also want to know why the guy is working out the back of an Italian restaurant.
That said, I'm sure it's true.
Rumor: MacBook touch Coming in October [gizmodo]
Thanks Dan, now the girlfriend is gonna hound me for one.
Jul 1 2008 T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun
Lamperd Less Lethal's T3 Mobile Defender wasn't inspired by T3:Rise of The Machines, but it does look like the bastard lovechild of a Segway and the Big Wheels I had growing up. But with one worthwhile difference -- a powerful air gun and holographic sight system. The aiming system was designed to ensure body shots only, as a headshot could, well, kill you. Lamperd plans to sell the goofy looking things to the Army at first, but law enforcement organizations will have them available soon after.
"An eyepiece shows a red target dot, and then transmits an image of the target to a monitor, which relays the information to the gun." According to creator Barry Lamperd, if the holographic sight is on target, you can't miss.
Can't miss, huh? That's a pretty bold statement. Because I've had my member resting on the urinal cake before and still missed. Just saying, the dude next to me got pissed.
Hit the jump for a couple more pictures, you know, if cops riding little standup trikes is your scene.
Continue Reading " T3 Mobile Defender Rocks A Powerful Air Gun "
Jun 17 2008 Chinese Firm Builds Identified Flying Object
Harbin Smart Special Aerocraft, a Chinese company, has built a prototype flying saucer. It took the company over 12 years and $4 million to make the thing, and that's not a picture of it. That's some art exhibit by Japanese artist Mariko Mori. It just happens to be the picture that came with the story since the flying saucer is still top secret or something. 4 feet in diameter, the propeller-powered flying dish can fly to over 1,000 meters, take off and land vertically, and go about 50MPH. The unmanned object can be programmed to fly a predetermined path or remotely controlled from allegedly great distances and was designed "for aerial photography, geological surveys, and emergency lighting." Alternatively, it could be used to play pranks on this poor dork.
Chinese company develops 'UFO': report [breitbart]
Thanks Mark and Melissa, you two want to go thirdies in on one?
