Nov 16 2009 It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Google Streets Car Finally Gets Christened By Bird
I can't believe it took this long. And, who knows, maybe it's happened before. I mean, birds shit on my car all the time. Cats too. And, at least twice this year, a homeless man. Well, from a purely technical standpoint, that was actually IN the car. And speaking of which: DON'T YOU EVER WIPE YOURSELF ON MY SEAT AGAIN. Use the passenger's.
Thanks to Marcos, who has slept in cars but never shit in them. Remember: don't shit where you eat sleep. Unless you pass out on the john, in which case go for it.
Jun 5 2009 NEW MONKEY ISLAND GAME COMING OUT
Let's kick this Friday off right, huh? THERE IS A NEW GAME IN THE MONKEY ISLAND SERIES COMING JULY 7th! Not only that, Lucasarts is releasing a remake of the original Secrets of Monkey Island, also set to drop this summer (for XBox Arcade, PC and Mac). Quick, grog me so we can cheers!
Tales of Monkey Island (PC and WiiWare) will be released in five monthly serials by Telltale Games beginning July 7th in the same fashion as the recenter Sam & Max and Strongbad games. You can preorder now for $35. I just preordered with two different credit cards in case I screwed something up the first time. And I may do it a third just to be safe. Now, granted the style of graphics really isn't my favorite, but that's okay. MONKEY ISLAND, YO! One of the Jonas Brothers could play Guybrush and I'd still buy it. Kidding, I'd cannonball myself in the face.
Hit the jump for two VIDEOS, one about each of the games coming out.
May 19 2009 More Than Meets The Eye: Transformer USB Drive Is Awesomest I've Seen In A While
What do you buy for the man who has nothing? While you ponder that nugget of vast intellectuality, I'll tell you about this 2GB Transformer memory stick (which is way better than these ones). Probably the awesomest USB drive I've seen in forever, the unit transforms from a normal looking USB ding-dongle into Ravage, a fierce jungle cat Decepticon (which some believe to be a dog, WHICH HE IS NOT YOU WILL NOT RUIN MY CHILDHOOD). Available fro pre-order from the BigBadToyStore, this piece of badassery will set you back $43 and ships in September. But the question remains: shouldn't you avoid trusting a Decepticon with your porno?*
*Does Optimus Prime piss transmission fluid and wipe his ass with corrugated steel?**
**Bumblebee says so!
Product Page
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Transforming Ravage Flash Drive [ohgizmo]
Thanks to Tank and Julian, who once convinced a Decepticon it was human and then broke its heart with a backhoe.
May 7 2009 Good News: Disney Relocates Employees Normally Responsible For Finding And Deleting Boobs In Roller Coaster Pictures
You know how there's a camera that takes a picture of you on the steepest drop of a roller coaster? And then the park tries to peddle said photo after you get off the ride? Yeah, well Disney used to have boob-scanning personnel that would look at all the pictures before they appeared to patrons so no child would catch an eyeful. But now, thanks to the economy, not any more! So get out there and flaunt it! Boobs. I'm talking boobs, not penises.
And, since I love you, I included the NSFW NSFW NSFW uncensored version of the picture above after the jump.
Mar 25 2009 Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking
Canned bacon. Undoubtedly the best course of The Last Supper, Yoder brand canned bacon can now be yours. Plus, it comes in sweet-ass camo cans. Hey, where'd my bacon go?!?
For the first time in almost 20 years, canned bacon is back in this Country. Not available in any store!
More than 2 years went into the development of this bacon, and we're proud to be able to bring this back to you after improving on a what was a very successful brand of canned bacon made years ago by Celebrity Foods (registered Trademark, all rights reserved).Each can is 9 ounces of fully cooked and drained bacon. Between 2-3/4 and 3-1/4 pounds of raw bacon go into each can. Each can is the highest quality fresh #1 bacon slices. Cured to our specifications, cooked and then hand wrapped, rolled and packed in the U.S.
My God that sounds delicious. A single can will set you back $12, but that's not really bad considering it's 3 pounds of cooked bacon and will stay fresh for over 10 years. You know -- this might very well be the most delicious thing to ever come in a can. Well, besides this. Here, open it. *POW POW!* Haha, that was Geekologie brand Whoop Ass, bitch!
Hit the jump for a photo-uncanning.
Continue Reading " Canned Bacon: Perfect For Stocking Your Robot/Zombie Shelter. Also, Snacking "
Feb 18 2009 Universal Cell Phone Charger Here By 2012
The major cell phone manufacturers (Apple excluded) have agreed to adopt a universal microUSB charger for cell phones by 2012. And I think I speak for all of us when I say I say, "it's about freaking time!" And also, "can you hear me now?" *slamming balls in dictionary* Jla`#@82[wa;g@!h.!! I deserved that.
As a result of the universal standard, smartphone makers may well end up incorporating both a micro USB adaptor, and a proprietary one for specialist data transfers to their devices. That'll require at least an extra lead or two in the box, losing some of the environmental benefit, and placing a constraint on product designs. Maybe that's why those cellphone makers who agreed to the standard have only promised "the majority" of cellphones will use the connector by 2012, and avoided a binding agreement.
Wow, that seems kind of ridiculous. I hate to break it to you, folks, but I can charge cellphones with my mind. Don't believe me? Take your cell phone out of your pocket and look at it. Does it have a charge? I did that. Now call me, I've got rollover minutes about to expire.
Cellphone Makers Agree on Universal Charger, But is it a Good Idea? [fastcompany]
Thanks to mike and Klye, who charge their phones the way God intended, like a bull.
Jan 13 2009 President-Elect Barack Obama Plays Wii
That's right folks, the soon-to-be president is rocking a Wii. And thank goodness too, because in an earlier interview Barack claimed the last video game he'd played was Pong. So yeah, whew.
Barack Obama reportedly said he's better at the Wii version of bowling than he was at the real thing while on the campaign trail in Pennsylvania last year.This knowledge is courtesy of a passing reference Thursday by a New York Times blogger, who buried it in his last paragraph, unaware that the Wii news, rather than Obama's (accurate) prediction that Florida would win college football's championship game, would light up the Internets the next day.
So, Barack, maybe you could add me to your friends list. Then our Wii Miis could parade together. That would be fun, wouldn't it? Also, quick question: are you man enough to play wrist-strapless? Because I am. Isn't that right, Superficial Writer? Ha, your TV was a piece of shit anyways.
Barack Obama's family gets a Wii video game system; so what does his Mii look like? [chicagotribune]
Thanks to Lisa, who is chock-full of Wii win.
Nov 6 2008 Scientists Still Hope To Clone Extinct Species
Scientists, spurred on by the passing of Michael Crichton, have kicked their efforts of cloning extinct species into high gear. And I think I speak for all of us here when I say, sex with dinosaurs: it's about freaking time.
Japanese scientists have produced clones of mice that have been dead and frozen for 16 years -- a feat that could lead researchers to one day resurrect long-extinct species, such as the mammoth.Researchers had thought that frozen cells were unusable because ice crystals would have damaged the DNA. That belief would rule out the possibility of resurrecting extinct animals from their frozen remains. But the latest research -- published in the journal, Proceedings for the National Academy of Sciences -- shows that scientists may have overcome the obstacle.
Yes please! Now tell me somebody's got some frozen dinosaur remains around here somewhere. If not, we're going to need to go back in time and get some. Damn, sometimes my profound logic amazes even me.
Scientists hope to clone extinct species [cnn]
Thanks to Jonathan, who fears for a dinosaur apocalypse. Which, incidentally, is my dreamworld.
Aug 28 2008 Internet Explorer 8 To Feature 'Porn Mode'
Microsoft's Internet Explorer 8 (now out for beta testing) will feature a 'porn mode', aka InPrivate, similar to Safari's 'Private Browsing' feature.
The new InPrivate feature on Internet Explorer 8 -- now in Beta release, and dubbed by many in the Web development community as "porn mode," a nod to its most obvious use -- when enabled automatically conceals sites visited by wiping clean browsing and search history, cookies, form data and passwords. It also clears the browser cache at the end of each session.
Once the setting is chosen, others using the same computer will not be able to see which sites have been accessed, the company said. Other browsers have similar functions, but this one is far more prominent. Although casual users cannot see the previous user's search history, authorities such as the police will be able to access it if necessary.
Man, I don't know. My girlfriend is pretty damn computer savvy. If the cops can get at, she already has. Which means she's probably on to my secret ROTFLBDSM fetish and is itching to stomp my balls to mush in red stilettos.
Microsoft Internet Explorer 8 to Include So-Called 'Porn Mode' Privacy Feature [foxnews]
Thanks to Bryan, who's smart enough to know that watching porn together is an important part of any healthy relationship (excluding relatives and pets).
Jun 18 2008 Must Have!: Big Lebowski Action Figures
It's about freaking time -- someone is finally releasing some quality Big Lebowski action figures. For $25 you can score The Dude, complete with accessories.
Don't miss The Dude-- Unemployed! You'll flip for our Action Figure of The Dude from The Big Lebowski. Dressed in his bathrobe and slippers, he stands 8-inches tall and comes with loads of hilarious accessories: sunglasses, robe, White Russian, milk carton, ID card, and genuine cloth rug! Achieve your desires by buying this character today!
They're releasing other figures too, including Walter and another version of the Dude (see picture after the jump), Donny, and The Stranger (the narrator in the movie, not when you sit on your hand till it goes numb). If you're attending the July 23- 27 San Diego Comic-Con you can pick The Dude up at that time, otherwise they won't be shipping till August/September. I need one. Somebody, anybody, please abide.
Tony the Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain."
The Dude: F***in' A, man. I got a rash, man.
Hit the jump for a picture of Walter and another version of The Dude.
Continue Reading " Must Have!: Big Lebowski Action Figures "
Jan 7 2008 Portable Dreamcast Looks Nice, Shiny, White
Someone went and made a portable Dreamcast, named the DCp which stands for Dreamcast Portable, which is very c, which stands for clever. It features "a vacuum formed case, LCD screen, and stereo speakers. Best of all, it runs off of just two 7.2V 3Ah R/C car batteries for maximum portability." Sweet. The only weird thing is that the game CD is placed on the back, and there is no cover for it, so it spins freely right by your hands when you're holding it (hit the jump for a picture of the back). And, quite frankly, I worry about hitting the disk with a finger when I'm tearing up some Power Stone. I mean I have big hands. And you know what they say about a man with big hands don't you? That I'm an idiot.
Picture of the back after the jump.
Continue Reading " Portable Dreamcast Looks Nice, Shiny, White "
