Jun 22 2009 Robot Train Goes Rogue, Kills Track Inspector
An unmanned computerized train car in Miami allegedly ran over an employee while he was inspecting the tracks of the Metromover rail system. Uh-oh.
The accident happened Saturday. The computerized vehicle, which is not driven by a conductor, was stopped, but moved forward for an unknown reason.
Unknown reason, huh? How about THAT ROBOT TRAIN IS A BLOODTHIRSTY KILLER?! *ringing bell* The apocalypse, it's here! Quick -- to the bunker! Bring snakes! SNACKS, I MEANT SNACKS GO GO GO GO
Florida Man Killed By Computerized Vehicle While Inspecting Tracks [foxnews]
Thanks to Matt, holliebean, D.M., Jeff, Nathaniel, renegade and Joel, who I WASN'T KIDDING RUN RUN RUN!
Jun 16 2009 This Tastes Like Poison: Japan's Robot-Chefs
Japanese companies unveiled several new models of robotic-chefs at the recent Tokyo International Food Machinery and Tech Expo., and I, for one, am never eating out again. Kidding, ladies. Here's a breakdown of the video:
0:00 - 0:18: Pancake cooking robot sucks at flipping.
0:19 - 0:25: Robot sympathizer sympathizes with robots. You will not be saved.
0:26 - 0:39: Creepy looking realistic hand robot serves sushi, your fingers.
0:40 - 0:46: Depressed, engineer is depressed.
0:47 - 0:54: Crooked hat robot pleasures itself furiously with cucumber.
0:55 - 1:07: Segway-ass looking robot roofies your drink on it's way from the bar.
There you have it, I'm officially only eating PB&J sandwiches with ingredients processed in non-robotic factories. And if you think I'm joking you've got another thing coming. Namely, *POW* -- my fist.
Thanks to calluless, get100pens, This Is Me Posting, Kai, Marcy, Daniel, 24-bit whore, Julian, Jawn and Draw, who would rather starve to death than eat robot-food.
Apr 30 2009 Dead Bugs + Old Watch Parts = 'Cybugs'
Mike Libby is a Maine-based artist who glues old watch parts on dead bugs to create steampunk looking insects. Which actually seem pretty cool until you realize that this is what robots will really look like in a few years. True story: one time I let a beetle crawl into my ear just to know what it would feel like. Unfortunately, it burrowed into my head (not unlike a Ceti eel) and I had to brain myself with an ice pick to get it out. If you couldn't tell, that was a pickup line. Ladies?
The artist, who holds a degree in sculpture from the Rhode Island School of Design, says his Insect Lab began after he found a dead, intact beetle. He thought the bug looked and operated like a little mechanical device, and decided to combine the two in a statement about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology.
And speaking of statements about the similarities and contradictions between nature and technology: I just zip-tied a laser pointer to my penis. Now -- who wants to see some REAL art?
Hit the jump for a bunch more, including a ROFLCOPTER.
Apr 29 2009 About Time: Anti-Robot Denny's Commercial
Truthfully, I rarely go to Denny's because I prefer IHOP's Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N Fruity combo (two eggs, two bacon strips, two pork sausage links and two buttermilk pancakes crowned with cool strawberry or your choice of fruit compote and whipped topping). But I may make a change after seeing this commercial, which highlights the importance of eating a hearty breakfast in the fight against machines. You can't go fighting those robotic bastards on an empty stomach -- they'll gut you like a fish! The Grand Slamwich from Denny's: it's what John Connor would do.
Thanks to Scurls, who knows a Carnation Instant Breakfast just won't cut it.
Apr 20 2009 Japanese Man Builds Giant Robotic Beetle
Why? I don't know why. Why do people build any kind of robot? Exactly, because they're stupid idiots.
Designed and built by an Ibaraki man in his garage over the course of eleven years, the "Kabutom MX-03″ looks like a prop from a Power Rangers spin-off but is an actual working vehicle.
Shaped like a kabuto-mushi (rhinocerous beetle, a favorite design of Japanese toymakers and, uh, candymakers), it can be remote controlled or piloted from the cockpit (visible on the left side), and is capable of carrying passengers inside its shell.
First of all, eleven years? Some poor bastard pissed away more than a decade building what I'm going to destroy in an alcohol-fueled afternoon? That's almost enough to bring a tear to my eye. Almost, but not really because 1. we don't grieve for robot sympathizers and 2. I don't cry anyways (aliens stole my tear ducts). Also, who the hell is gonna crawl into a giant robotic beetle's shell? That's like asking someone to jump into a volcano, but far less like a giant hot tub.
Also, I apologize to anyone who watched the whole video. I meant to tell you to just skip around earlier.
Youtube
via
Giant Japanese beetle robot [japanprobe]
Thanks to Ross, Shelley, NuffSaid, bum master and Matt, all of whom would crush that thing like a bug. You know, if they were 50-feet tall. But they're not, so we're going with napalm.
Feb 25 2009 Sony Rolly Conducts AIBO Robotic Dog Army
I have no idea what I'm watching, but I'll tell you one thing: I don't like the look of it. This red sore on my palm either. And I don't even play video games! What are you trying to insinuate? That sock is a liar!
Thanks to Bro_mole, who is ready to stomp those little bastards as soon as they try to transform and roll out.
Dec 12 2008 That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics
Africa -- who's coming with me?
Hit the jump for two more graphics I didn't bother looking at because I'm too busy throwing clothes in a suitcase.
Continue Reading " That's It, I'm Moving: Robotic Statistics "
Dec 12 2008 Invasion Of Privacy: Scientists Aim To Extract Images/Dreams Directly From Your Brain
A team of Japanese researchers believe they're well on the way to developing a technology capable of displaying whatever is on a person's mind. Including pictures, dreams, and, God willing, sex with dinosaurs.
While the team for now has managed to reproduce only simple images from the brain, they said the technology could eventually be used to figure out dreams and other secrets inside people's minds.
"It was the first time in the world that it was possible to visualize what people see directly from the brain activity," the private institute said in a statement."By applying this technology, it may become possible to record and replay subjective images that people perceive like dreams."
Say, this reminds me of one of my own favorite dreams: I exit my cave wearing only an animal pelt. I spot a triceratops -- it catches my gaze. I approach and begin tenderly rubbing its horns while making cooing sounds. The beast gores me. I lay in the mud, bleeding to death. With my last breath I reach out to touch its genitals and....it crushes my arm with a single stomp from one of its massive legs. i wake from the dream dripping sweat, and also, other stuff. Damn -- I should write romance novels!
Dreams may no longer be secret with Japan computer screen [yahoonews]
Thanks to austin, Derrick, Ain and Zombie Bob, who have the ability to make your dreams come true, but only if you buy their set of instructional video for three easy payments of $39.95.
Sep 24 2008 We're Saved!: LHC Shut Down Temporarily
The Large Hadron Collider won't be doing any colliding until next spring due to a magnet failure that allowed a ton of helium to leak out one of the tunnels.
Cern said the most likely cause of the equipment failure was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's magnets. This connection melted during testing of the machine and caused a huge leak of super-cool helium.
We're saved! There will be a Christmas after all! Just kidding, the robots are coming. Let's just say Thanksgiving won't be so thankful this year.
On a side note, your friend the Geekologie Writer is going through a really tough time right now (divorce). Please don't give up on him, he'll be back to rocking the shit out of shit as soon as possible.
Collider halted until next year [bbcnews]
Thanks to Flash, Josh, Daniel, and Dave, who all know the only good collisions happen at the demolition derby.
