Nov 16 2009 The Sky Is Falling!: Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Tonight/Early Tommorrow Morning

For those of you that like to get high and lie in the middle of a field staring up, the Leonid meteor shower is supposed to reach its peak tonight from 1AM to dawn. Great, I'll be hiding in the back of the hallway closet waiting for the apocalypse. It, uh, is 2012, right?

The best seats are in Asia, but North American observers should be treated to an above average performance of the Leonid meteor shower, weather permitting. The trick for all observers is to head outside in the wee hours of the morning - between 1 a.m. and dawn - regardless where you live.

"We're predicting 20 to 30 meteors per hour over the Americas, and as many as 200 to 300 per hour over Asia," said Bill Cooke of NASA's Meteoroid Environment Office. Other astronomers who work in the nascent field of meteor shower prediction have put out similar forecasts.

Listen, I've been disappointed by these things before. Those NASA Meteoroidoligists are almost as bad as the cloud and rain ones. Still, I recommend everyone that hasn't seen the Leonid Shower to get out there and check it out. Me? I'm holding out for the Girl's Locker Room Shower.

Strong Leonid Meteor Shower Peaks Early Tuesday Morning [yahoonews]
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Nov 13 2009 Yeah, No: Video From Top of The Burj Dubai

This is a video taken from the top of the Burj Dubai, the tallest building in the world, at 2,684 ft. Jesus, that's half a mile. Can you believe humans are even capable of this? I can't -- I shit my swim trunks on the high dive once. But, to my credit, I did do one hell of a cannonball.

This Video From the Tip Top of the Burj Dubai Makes Me Sick to My Stomach [gizmodo]

Thanks to Rick, who has dived off higher platforms into a cup of water. I mean, he died, but he did do it.

Nov 10 2009 OMG, She's Losing Resolution!: Pixel Girl

Hey guys, sorry for sporadic posting the past few days, I was busy having the best weekend of my life. Seriously. Of my life.

This is the face of some chick that's all make-upped to look pixelated. It serves as a perfect example of how important high-resolution is, because she looks like a scary clown. Now I know what you're thinking: "I'd still hit that like an 8-bit princess". And of course you would, you'd hit anything. Only thing is: she wouldn't hit you. Stick to the stuffed animals, champ.

Please, Someone Increase Her Resolution [hawtness]

Thanks to Aisha, who looks good at any resolution, even if you have to squint.

Nov 2 2009 Great: MIT Developing Dashboard Death Bots

MIT, a school best known for not accepting me despite two super-sweet essays and several threatening phone calls, is now developing a robot companion for drivers. Why? Because we need more distractions in the car.

AIDA (Affective Intelligent Driving Agent) communicates with the driver via a small, sociable robot built into the dashboard. The idea is to develop an informed and friendly passenger, the buddy perpetually riding shotgun who aside from reading the map and helping with navigation, acts as a companion. As such, AIDA is being developed to read drivers' moods via their facial expressions and other cues (hand gestures?) and respond to them in the proper social context. It communicates back in very human ways as well: with a smile, the blink of an eye, the drooping of its head.

AIDA analyzes the driver's mobility patterns, common routes and destinations, and driving habits. It then merges its knowledge of the driver with its knowledge of the city around it, mashing up the drivers priorities and needs with real-time information on everything from tourist attractions to environmental conditions to commercial activity to help the driver make better decisions.

Yeah, but can he take the wheel? Because what good is a robot in the car if it can't drive you home? I don't need a friend in the car THAT'S WHY WE HAVE TEXTING, am I right? No, I'm dead wrong. Literally: DEAD. WRONG. Don't text and drive.

This message brought to you by the GW and everyone else who agrees that you already suck at driving bad enough without another distraction.

MIT Introduces a Friendly Robot Companion For Your Dashboard [popsci]

Thanks to Jeff, tom and Kristi, who just get lost and play 'I Spy' with themselves in the car like normal people.

Oct 26 2009 If You Can Watch This And Not Be Freaked Out There Is Something Wrong With You

Boston Dynamics (my arch nemesis) is at it again, this time with PETMAN, a bipedal walking robot, who, despite its name, actually hates all living creatures.

Biped robot the balances dynamically using a human-like walking motion. It is a close relative to BigDog, sharing elements of the mechanical design and control.

PETMAN is an anthropomorphic robot for testing chemical protection clothing used by the US Army. Unlike previous suit testers, which had to be supported mechanically and had a limited repertoire of motion, PETMAN will balance itself and move freely; walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics during exposure to chemical warfare agents. PETMAN will also simulate human physiology within the protective suit by controlling temperature, humidity and sweating when necessary, all to provide realistic test conditions.

Just watch and tell me that's not scary. Especially how it catches itself after being pushed at 0:25. I swear, you mount a couple machine guns on this thing, and presto, you've got yourself a real-life Terminator. Listen, Army -- you really want something to test your chemical protection suits on? I've got a whole neighborhood full of people I don't like. You think about it, I'll start marking doors.

Boston Dynamic
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Thanks to Tobyraider, who knows the only good walking robot is one who can't walk and isn't a robot.

Oct 24 2009 Fake, But Still Burn It With Lasers (You Never Can Be Too Safe): A Scary Dancing Robot

I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.

Youtube
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Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.

Oct 22 2009 DO NOT WANT (To Pet): Chinese 'Cat Girl'

Normally I love making fun of other people's misfortune, but it's sad when it's a six year old girl. Hopefully this is fake though cause it's coming from The Sun. Although, this IS China we're talking about here, which is notorious for freaky cat shit.

Li Xiaoyuan, from Fengkai in southern China, had a small birthmark on her back just months ago, which has since grown to cover her entire back and parts of her arms and face, The Sun reports.

"None of the other children want to play with her, they are calling her cat-girl and are really mean."

A surgeon at Zhaoqing City Dermalogical l Hospital in China's Guangdong province said Li Xiaoyuan may have a rare skin disease that makes normal moles run amok.

I swear, I can't stand it when moles run amok. You know what you need to do? Pour gasoline down all their holes then light that shit. BOOM! Woops -- must have found the gas line. Remember folks: call before you dig.

Chinese 'cat-girl' baffles doctors [ninemsn]

Thanks to Sam, Turtle Boy.

Oct 19 2009 DIY: Homemade Exoskeleton Costume

Looking for a Halloween costume idea? Have lots of time and silver spraypaint? Then you can build your own exoskeleton (suck it, regular skeletons!) like Mario Caicedo Langer the creepy starer. Just don't go showing up in these parts expecting candy OR I WILL BURN YOU WITH A CAULDRON OF SCALDING BAT'S BLOOD. You're not purple nurpling me with that robot hand!

Amazing homemade exoskeleton costume puts my homemade exoskeleton to shame [dvice]

Oct 15 2009 Wait, Whaaaaat?: Large Hardron Collider Trying To Destroy Itself From The Future

According to a couple nutjobs that I'm actually starting to believe, the Large Hadron Collider is actually destroying itself FROM THE FUTURE to prevent the discovery of the Higgs boson particle. Whoa.

According to the Times, two physicists posit that the reason that the Large Hadron Collider (and, previously, its unbuilt American counterpart) keeps running into problems isn't bad luck or shoddy workmanship. It's that the LHC's quest to discover the Higgs boson--a heretofore only theorized particle that scientists believe is what gives objects mass--is creating problems to keep itself from being discovered:

"A pair of otherwise distinguished physicists have suggested that the hypothesized Higgs boson, which physicists hope to produce with the collider, might be so abhorrent to nature that its creation would ripple backward through time and stop the collider before it could make one, like a time traveler who goes back in time to kill his grandfather."

I didn't even think about that. But now that I do, it makes perfect sense. And by perfect sense I mean none at all. Unlessssss the LHC is actually a giant T-1000! Then we're back to making perfect sense. I think. I dunno man, I smoked weed for breakfast.

Destroyed by Malicious Forces from the Future? [good.is]

Thanks to ffffffffffffff, Patrick, Elizabeth and burntout, who have secretly been sabotaging the LHC for the sake of humanity. Don't worry guys, your secret's safe with me.

Sep 27 2009 Scientists To Pull Pictures From Your Brain

I know for a fact the government can pull images from a person's brain because they've been probing around in my dome for years, messing with the delicate ecosystem up there. And one time when I was being interrogated I saw a picture of a dinosaur in an agent's file folder, SO I KNOW. Anyway, apparently they've decided to make the technology public knowledge.

Having modeled how images are represented in the brain, the researchers translated recorded patterns of neural activity into pictures of what test subjects had seen.

To construct their model, the researchers used an fMRI machine, which measures blood flow through the brain, to track neural activity in three people as they looked at pictures of everyday settings and objects.

As in the earlier study, they looked at parts of the brain linked to the shape of objects. Unlike before, they looked at regions whose activity correlates with general classifications, such as "buildings" or "small groups of people."

Once the model was calibrated, the test subjects looked at another set of pictures. After interpreting the resulting neural patterns, the researchers' program plucked corresponding pictures from a database of 6 million images.

Soon, everyone will have a photo printer in the back of their head to print off worthwhile images they've seen. Me? I already have one. Don't believe me -- check this stack of pictures. What? Don't act like you've never seen a dinosaur penis before!

Brain Scans Reveal What You've Seen [wired]

Thanks to Anit, who can read minds like comic books: with incredible difficulty.

Sep 9 2009 Huuuge Robot Statue Coming To South Korea

If you thought the 59-foot Gundam statue in Japan was large, boy were you wrong. Because South Korea is erecting a massive 364-foot statue (twice as large as the Statue of Liberty) of Robot Taekwon V (aka Voltar the Invincible). Scared? It gets worse. You see, the statue is being built for a new amusement park called Robot Land. Geez, talk about scarring your children for life. This is worse than coming downstairs on Christmas hoping for a Nintendo, only to find your mom gangbanging the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny underneath the tree. Nobody even ate the cookies!

giant robot taekwon v statue will be six times as large as giant gundam statue [technabob]

Sep 8 2009 Robotic Bear Will Kill You In The Hospital

This is a promotional video for RIKEN's RIBA, a robotic pedo-bear that was designed to pick hospital patients up out of their beds and discreetly crush their genitals. Yeah, no thanks. Oh, and don't let the Whinny the Pooh music in the video fool you, this robo-bear would maul your whole damn face off and wear it like a mask for a single pot of oil. Don't believe me? Ask Piglet.

Couldn't find him, could you? Draw your own conclusions.*

*Tigger and I roasted that delicious son of a bitch.

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Thanks to ANON, who once got Pooh so high he ate like forty jars of honey and then tried to rob a hive at gunpoint.

Sep 2 2009 Makes A Perfect Gift: Man Eating LEGO Pits

Two LEGO posts in a row involving scary shit with teeth -- BOOSH! So some guy started a website called igotyouamaneatingpit.com that sells man-eating pits made of LEGO. These are two examples of the seemingly endless possibilities. Pits start in the low $20's and go up from there. They are completely customizable by choosing a feeding system (person), food escape system (bike, monkey, etc.) and theme pack. They make the perfect gift for that person on your gift list who already has everything -- everything but a man-eating pit! Which, haha, come standard on some female models. I've seen toothy vaginas!

I Got You A Man Eating Pit

Thanks to Eddy and Jake, who tried to make DUPLO man-eating pits but they just weren't that scary.

Jul 22 2009 Robot Built To Model Wedding Dresses

'Miimu', a HRP-4C robot, is seen here being utilized as a runway model for Japanese fashion designer Yumi Katsura's line of bridal gowns. And, since I know women so well, I'll give you men a little insight into how their minds work.

"I really love this dress -- but how would it look on a robot?"

Which brings up another disconcerting thought -- robot marriage. And you know what's sad? They'll probably allow unholy robotic matrimony before gay marriage. And that, my friends, makes me want to blow up the moon. And I don't even care if it's delicious cheese.

It's a nice day for a robot wedding [metro]

Thanks to Doctor Steel and Graf Zeppelin, who together form Doctor Graf Steel Zeppelin, which, you know, is pretty cool.

Jul 16 2009 Run Snoopy, Run!: Nightmarish Charlie Brown

This is a painting of Charlie Brown by artist Tim O'Brien. Scary, no? I'm sorry if you're not gonna be able to sleep tonight, but I live by the mantra "if I had to see, so do you". Sweet dreams!

Also, for the hundreds of people who keep sending the "dead body eating robot" tip, I posted it earlier this week. I get depressed as hell when I get the same tip I posted a few days ago. *sniff* Don't you read regularly? YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME!

Tim O'Brien's Painting of Charlie Brown [agentmlovestacos]

Thanks to FDSY, who you can blame for not being able to sleep at night. And not just because he's hiding under your bed, but he is.

Jul 10 2009 Robot Teaches Itself To Smile, Next: Targeting

The fools at the University of California, San Diego have created a robot that can learn new facial expressions on it's own. Next, its gonna learn how to drive itself to the shooting range.

To begin teaching the robot, the researchers stuck Einstein in front of a mirror and instructed the robot to "body babble" by contorting its face into random positions. A video camera connected to facial recognition software gave the robot feedback: When it made a movement that resembled a "real" expression, it received a reward signal.

"It's an iterative process," said facial recognition expert Marian Bartlett, a co-author of the study. "It starts out completely random and then gets feedback. Next time the robot picks an expression, there's a bias towards putting the motors in the right configuration."

Now I'm no terrorist, BUT IF I WAS, Machine Perception Laboratory, just sayin'.

Robot Teaches Itself to Smile [wired]

Thanks to Dirk, Dennie and RealLifeFup, who asked it to smile for the camera and then shot it because it wasn't really a camera, it was a gun.