Nov 20 2009 NSFW NSFW: WTF DID I JUST WATCH?! SERIOUSLY, W.T.F. DID I JUST WATCH?!

WARNING: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW

This is the highly, highly, HIGHLY NSFW music video for the Flair's 'Truckers Delight'. I can't even begin to describe to you how dirty I felt after watching it. Unless you've ever swam in pig shit and then showered in vomit afterward. In which case, Jesus, join another pool.

Youtube

Thanks Smee and Kaerus, I'll split my therapist's bills between the two of you.

Aug 25 2009 "Don't Be Afraid" He Murmured, His Velvet Voice Unintentionally Seductive

That's right folks, now there's a Twilight/vampire themed sex toy. It's a sparkly dildo and marks the coming of the apocalypse.

Updated by popular request... Yes the The Vamp retains hot and cold temperature. Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience (OR A FIRE!).

JUST IN TIME FOR HALLOWEEN! Who doesn't love those dark and mysterious vamps on the screen and in the books we all thumb through lustfully? That's what we thought. For those of us who fantasize about being spellbound and tantalized by the forbidden comes The Vamp. We promise this vamp won't be the only thing coming for you in the night.

The Vamp is a realistic form based appropriately on our Sire's design but with a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon's glow. Since it's a Tantus toy, The Vamp is made from Tantus' own unique blend of 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. Don't be surprised if this toy seduces you, its long sleek shaft and deliciously ridged head calling to you in the twilight. But don't save this for just nocturnal escapades, try taking our Vamp out in the sunlight and watch him sparkle.

Yes, out in the sunlight. Because a public park is the perfect place to vamp yourself. Also, to rollerblade. Don't forget your pads and helmet!

NSFW Product Site (with video!)

Thanks to Shannon, LisaMarie, Joemo, Cloie, Ashley, sham, Evy, rya and anyone else I may have forgotten, for all chipping in and ordering me one. You did order me one, right guys?

Aug 21 2009 Does The Dissolving Bikini Really Work?

This is a teaser trailer for a video demonstrating whether or not the dissolving bikini I posted earlier actually works. SPOILER ALERT: It does. Except it's way freaking lame and the whole bikini doesn't actually dissolve, just a couple small bands holding it on. Go HERE to see the full video, which is advertised as SFW but I'm pretty sure I saw a nipple at 0:31. Yep, there it is. Also, there's a NSFW version HERE which has a lot more nipples. Which, I think we can all agree, are what Fridays are all about...
...
...
...
...to the nudey bar! You're driving.

Video: Clint test de oplosbare bikini [clint]

Thanks to Jef, who makes bikinis disappear the old fashioned way: with x-ray vision.

Aug 4 2009 Mario And Peach, Together (Sexually) At Last

NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LEWD SEXY TALK AND LOTS OF MOANING.

This is a video of Mario and Princess Peach finally consummating their relationship. I almost cried it was so romantic. But I didn't, because I'm a big boy and I wear big boy pants (I sobbed like a baby). Also, fair warning: there's a whole lot of Peach moaning in the video which is kind of weird if there are other people around. Hell, I felt awkward and I'm the only one here. Except for the dog, who I'm pretty sure thought I was watching porno. I said stop staring at me -- it's a cartoon!

Mario and Princess Sex Tape [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian, who dated Princess Peach in high school but broke up with her because she wouldn't do his algebra homework. Pfft, what are girlfriends for?

Jun 9 2009 Like This: How To Make Tetris NSFW

This is a NSFW video of a tetrad guy watching a Tetris orgy video. Which, if watched without sound, is actually pretty safe for work. But then you don't get to hear all the moaning, which, honestly, is the only reason I stay in seedy hotels in the first place. As a matter of fact, a few weeks ago I heard this one couple going at it so hard it sounded like they were gonna kill each other. Then gunshots. Then me collecting my audio equipment and tiptoeing to the car.

Hardcore Tetris Orgy Brings Back Odd Memories [gizmodo]

Thanks to Julian, who's actually owns that title on Blu-ray.

May 27 2009 Impressive: Heroes/Lonely Island Mashup

NOTE: Probably NSFW due to lyrics.

This is mashup of scenes from Heroes with the song "Jizz in my Pants" by the Lonely Island. Whoever made it did a damn good job. Also, there's a different one after the jump in case this one wasn't enough for you. But if I'm not enough for you, well, you've got problems. After all, I AM the world's greatest lov...OH OH! *Zzzzzzzzz*

Hit the jump for the other one. But not too fast!

Continue Reading " Impressive: Heroes/Lonely Island Mashup "

May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever

NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.

This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!

Youtube

Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.

Apr 15 2009 Too Close To Home: Flame War Music Video

NOTE: NSFW VIDEO IS NSFW DUE TO LANGUAGE

FAKE!!!!

This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow's are all wrong.

This is exactly like that time I visited Geekologie and read the comments, then put a gun in my mouth and cried.

We Didn't Start The Flamewar [collegehumor]

Thanks to Julian and Tangelax, who both took the time to point out it reminded them of Geekologie. Nice guys, I barely noticed the resemblance.

Apr 9 2009 Two Chicks In A Bar Having A Lightsaber Fight

NOTE: VIDEO IS SLIGHTLY NSFW DUE TO UNDERWEAR.

This is a fake commercial for men's body spray that features two chicks having a lightsaber battle over some tainty dude that smells good. SPOILER: they cut each other's clothes off, making it the best commercial for a fake product EVER. I just ordered like a million cases. Or, I dunno, left my credit card number as a Youtube comment.

Youtube

Thanks to Dustin, Dallas and CJ, who once saw two chicks have a lightsaber duel while Jello wresting. I know, I should write erotic fiction.

Apr 5 2009 Mega Man 2: From Start To Finish In Song

NOTE: Video is NSFW due to language.

This is a song about beating all the bosses in Mega Man 2 and winning the game. It's long though, so the best way to view it is to skip around unless you really have seven minutes to kill. Also, it's NSFW because they say lots of bad words. But that's okay, because it's Sunday and you're not at work are you? No, you're in church on your Blackberry. So, fire away champ -- it's what Jesus would do.*

*This claim has not been approved by the Vatican, or even a local pastor. In fact, I haven't run it by anyone. Except the dog, who just looked at me quizzically before going back to licking herself. Which, at least in my eyes, is a total yes.

Youtube

Thanks to Leif, Alex, Kevin and Geoff, who once stuck sticks in Fan Man's blades and Fan Man secretly liked it.

Apr 1 2009 Shii, The Controversial Wii For Her

This is a foreign commercial for the Shii, a Wii for her. It's wrong on every level and the games are all super-sexist. Which I 100% don't approve of, except for the cooking and cleaning ones, which seemed alright. Oh, and the last one. But besides those it's an awful concept. And sexist. Which, again, I don't approve of. Ladies?

Shii : enfin une Wii pour les femmes! [dailymotion]

Thanks to VS, who once threw a Wiimote through the glass ceiling.

Feb 23 2009 I've Seen It All Now: Dinosaurs And Robots

That's right folks, someone officially rule 34'ed dinosaurs banging robots. And, sometimes, robots banging dinosaurs, which makes me sick. Just go to www.dinosaursf***ingrobots.com (possibly NSFW) for pictures and video. It was disturbing. But really only when the dinosaurs were on the receiving end -- everything else was cool.

Dinosaursf***ingrobots

Thanks to Bro_mole, The Mighty Musnud, MoD, pst and bigjerm, who are even sicker than I initially imagined.

Feb 10 2009 I Want One!: Sony Releases Brand New POS

NOTE: VIDEO AFTER THE JUMP IS VERY NSFW DUE TO IT CONTAINING EVERY BAD WORD KNOWN TO MAN AND SOME KNOWN ONLY TO PIRATES.

This is a parody news report by The Onion about some new Sony product. It's really funny if you love hearing people cuss or hate new technology. It's less funny if you have virginal ears or are watching it at full volume at work with your boss standing behind you. And it's not funny at all if you're Sony's CEO. I thought it was okay, but I watched it on the john while eating ice cream. Play on playa, don't hate.

Continue Reading " I Want One!: Sony Releases Brand New POS "

Feb 2 2009 Some Cable Viewers In Arizona Got A Special Adult Film Surprise During The Superbowl

This is a picture of Jesus at the Superbowl. Hey, the man loves facepaint and funny hats. Since he was at the game, he didn't see the porno somebody inserted into the Comcast broadcast of the game in Tucson, Arizona.

With under three minutes left and just after Larry Fitzgerald's heroic comeback(ish) touchdown for the Cardinals, the video feed abruptly switched to a scene from stablemate channel Club Jenna, treating viewers to the sight of seemingly omnipresent porn guy Evan Stone swinging his junk around like a maniac. This interlude lasted about 30 seconds.

Comcast told the Arizona Daily Star that engineers have been "working throughout the night" to figure out what happened, but haven't yet come up with an explanation.

Yeah, wow, I wonder how that happened, Comcast. Definitely gonna have to put your thinking cap on tight to solve this one. Also, I did not post the NSFW video here, but you can see it if you follow the link. I watched it, and, yeah, you can bet your golden ticket I'll be looking for it the next time I enter the curtained mecca at Video Palace.

Prank of the Year: Comcast Tucson Airs Graphic Porn During Super Bowl (NSFW) [gizmodo]

Thanks to Lauren, Louis, Emi and Kokopure, who won't recognize me because I only visit the video store in costume.

Dec 9 2008 NSFW! SNL Short Is The Story Of My Life

NSFW! And also, the story of my life. Seriously, these guys should hire me -- I've got tons of this material.

Youtube

Thanks to Wilson and Jay, who swear they've never had this problem.

Oct 24 2008 I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn

This is some freaky-deaky Star Wars porn by an artist named Miravi. This is the tamest picture I could find, so you can imagine what some of the other stuff is like. Think fully nude hardcore shit that'll burn your corneas out (I can type by touch). So, yeah. There are two more pictures after the jump, and a link to the gallery, which is WAY WAY WAY WAY WAY NSFW. You hear me? You will be fired before you can tell the IT guy "I thought I was being Rick Rolled, I swear!" And on top of being unemployed, you'll be branded perv of the year. But seriously, if anybody actually uses these pictures to, you know, PEW PEW!, make sure to leave a comment so we can all make fun of you. Wait -- actually, don't.

Hit it pervert.

Continue Reading " I've Seen It All Now: Freaky Star Wars Porn "

Oct 3 2008 Burton Releases Series Of Sexy Snowboards

Burton Snowboard's new Love series was made in cooperation with Playboy and feature busty centerfold pictures. Because let's face it, what could be cooler than cruising down the mountain on a booby-covered board? Ha, no, not dead hookerboarding, although....

Burton Love Series Snowboards [highsnobiety]

Thanks to Jo Mama, who knows I love the rich, chocolatey taste of Ovaltine.

Sep 26 2008 Safe For Work Porn Is Still Highly Questionable

Note: Possibly still NSFW

This is an allegedly safe for work porno video. It's supposedly safe because they've cleverly covered up all the action with cartoons. I dare say I found it more stimulating than the real thing. Especially the pinball scene. RAWR!

Diesel: SFW XXX [creativity-online]

Thanks to Jonathan and Patricio, who, despite the tips, insist they're not perverts.

Aug 29 2008 Labor Day Weekend: Now With More C-String

WARNING: the gallery after the jump is probably NSFW.

What is that, a hair band? Nope, it's underwear -- a C-string. The misnamed C-string doesn't actually have any straps, it's kept on by hugging the vagina and buttcrack. Now that's sexy talk.

C-String has a flexible internal frame that hugs and holds it to the body both securely and comfortably. Your modesty remains safely covered at all times. At the front it looks like sexy underwear, to the rear it has a thong-style strip, and to the sides it has nothing at all!

Wow, this is best thing to happen to underwear since not wearing any. Each vagina-band costs about $26 and is guaranteed to turn heads. And, also, my shoe camera.

Hit the jump for a NSFW Labor Day Weekend C-String Picture Extravaganza!

UPDATE: Added a German video about the C-string with funny subtitles.

Continue Reading " Labor Day Weekend: Now With More C-String "

Jul 28 2008 Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio

I couldn't tell if you'd like this or not. Sometimes you're so picky. You love things that I think you'll hate, and hate things that I think are right up your alley. I guess what I'm getting at is this: our relationship is still in its infancy. We have lots of learning to do about one another. But that's what makes relationships so great, right? Well, that, and having a partner for the horizontal shuffle. Because, let's face it, it's just not the same with you and the bed.

If you don't like this one there are three more after the jump: one of Vader with Cheech & Chong audio, one of Han Solo and Greedo with Bladerunner audio, and the last one of Anakin and Padmé that is VERY VERY VERY NSFW because it has some audio from Clerks. "In a row?" Yeah, that part. That's the very last video, so DON'T CLICK IT AT WORK.

Continue Reading " Star Wars Edited With Rush Hour Audio "