Nov 6 2009 Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear
Ever wonder what a bear with no hair would look like? This. Poor Dolores has lost her coat. She's a bare bear! I know, sometimes my word wizardry amazes even me.
Vets have been left baffled by the condition of the bespectacled bear, who lives at a zoo in Leipzig.
And Dolores isn't the only one. The sudden hair loss has affected all female bears at the zoo.Some experts believe it could be due to a genetic defect though the animals do not seem to be suffering from any other affliction.
The bears, which originate from South America, normally have fluffy dark brown fur and would now be growing a thicker fur coat to keep warm during the winter.
Well Rogaine those bitches or something -- this shit ain't right! As much as I do love hunting bears and killing the shit out of them WITH MY BEAR HANDS (more word sorcery), bald bears make me sad as hell. Remember Fuzzy Wuzzy? Brings a tear to my eye.
Hit the jump for three more shots, including one of what Dolores normally looks like.
Continue Reading " Dolores: Germany's Hairless Spectacled Bear "
Oct 28 2009 Don't Swat Me, Bro!: Ad-Carrying Flies
This is a video of some tradeshow in Germany where a company released flies with advertisements attached to them like those little planes at the beach. It's pretty awesome and really got me thinking about hiring mosquitoes to start promoting Geekologie. And by promoting Geekologie i mean flying a video camera into your sister's bedroom. I am a modern Don Draper!
Thanks to Harald, who still advertises in the newspaper. THE NEWSPAPER! What is this, the 40's? Geekologie is where it's at, son!
Aug 10 2009 Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists
How would you like that nightmare standing above you with a drill in its hand? You wouldn't, would you? My gums are bleeding just thinking about it.
Clever surgical masks with funny cartoon mouths were sent to dentists in Hamburg, Germany. The goal was to lighten up a visit to the dentist for the kids and everyone else, as well as to promote Colgate Smiles Kids toothbrushes.
Honestly, I'd rather knock all my teeth out with a cinderblock than face a dentist wearing a mask like that AND I DON'T CARE HOW MUCH NITROUS YOU GIVE ME. I'll tell you what, give me a take-home tank and you've got a deal. Okay now I -- I have two fingers.
Hit the jump for several more shots of a terrible idea.
Continue Reading " Bad Idea: Creepy Surgical Masks For Dentists "
Jul 22 2009 Extreme Nutjob Skates Down Roller Coaster
German extreme sportster Dirk Auer strapped on a pair of specially designed lollerblades and, with roflcopter hovering overhead (but not really), skated down a roller coaster at a German amusement park. He undoubtedly soiled his speedsuit.
Spending two months planning the outrageous stunt, Mr Auer also designed and made the monster skates, which took him a total of 110 hours' work.
Mr Auer, from Gross-Gerau near Frankfurt, is considered to be the most extreme in-line skater in the world.He already holds the world record for reaching speeds of 190mph as he was dragged along behind a Porsche GT2.
Travelling at speeds up to 56mph, Auer skated the entire length of the roller coaster - 860 metres (~2820 feet) - in just over a minute.
Nice one, Dirk, but I could have done it in under a minute. BECAUSE I WOULDN'T USE THE BRAKES. Brakes, like crash helmets, are for unprofessionals and children. Did I? I did -- consider the gauntlet thrown! Now, take off those silly skates and fight like a man.
Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the WHEEEEEEEEE!
Continue Reading " Extreme Nutjob Skates Down Roller Coaster "
Jun 18 2009 It's A Boy!: Periodic Table Gets New Element
That's right young'n, the periodic table finally gave birth to element 112, temporarily named 'Ununbium', until it's official name 'Geekologium' can be verified by the International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC), who I may or may not be holding at gunpoint. I SAID SIGN THE PAPERS!
More than a decade after experiments first produced a single atom of the element, a team of German scientists has been credited with its discovery.
The team, led by Sigurd Hofmann at the Centre for Heavy Ion Research, must propose a name for their find, before it can be formally added to the table.To create element 112, Professor Hofmann's team used a 120m-long particle accelerator to fire a beam of charged zinc atoms (or zinc ions) at lead atoms. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form the nucleus of the new element.
Oh yeah? Well I was born when a beam of charged awesome atoms were fired at badass ones. Nuclei of the two elements merged, or fused, to form my nuts. Then, a stork wrapped me in a blanket and flew off. But mid-flight I cut myself out of the sack and parachuted behind enemy lines, where I shot the everliving shit out of them. And that, my friends, is how I became the youngest recipient of the Congressional Medal of Awesome.
Periodic table gets a new element [bbcnews]
Thanks to Ari and Julian, who were born after a sperm fused with an egg.
May 20 2009 Human Evolution's 'Missing Link' Found, Surprisngly Not Your Mom. Oooh, Burn!
A 47-million year old skeleton of what is believed to be the "missing link" in human's evolutionary split from tree-swinging, bug picking, shit throwing apes has been found in Germany and nicknamed "Ida".
"This is the first link to all humans," Hurum, of the Natural History Museum in Oslo, Norway, said in a statement. Ida represents "the closest thing we can get to a direct ancestor."
Ida, properly known as Darwinius masillae, has a unique anatomy. The lemur-like skeleton features primate-like characteristics, including grasping hands, opposable thumbs, clawless digits with nails, and relatively short limbs.
Now I know what you're thinking, and yes, I would hit that like a bushel of bananas with a coconut. Ha, what do you mean that's like my great great great great great great great great great grandmother to the thousandth power? AND SO WHAT IF IT IS?
"MISSING LINK" FOUND: New Fossil Links Humans, Lemurs? [nationalgeographic]
Thanks to Matty, Chris, chubo, Andrew, Jon, Dylan and Paul, who have all slept with cavewomen and liked it. Furplay, baby.
May 17 2009 Inventor Denied Patent For Human 'Killer Chip'
A Saudi inventor was recently denied a German patent for what is being described as a "killer chip". What is a killer chip? Cooler Ranch Doritos, hands down.
The basic model would consist of a tiny GPS transceiver placed in a capsule and inserted under a person's skin, so that authorities could track him easily. Model B would have an extra function -- a dose of cyanide to remotely kill the wearer without muss or fuss if authorities deemed he'd become a public threat.
The inventor said the chip could be used to track terrorists, criminals, fugitives, illegal immigrants, political dissidents, domestic servants and foreigners overstaying their visas."The invention will probably be found to violate paragraph two of the German Patent Law -- which does not allow inventions that transgress public order or good morals
If the aliens have taught us anything, it's that the key to successful human tracking is NOT LETTING THE HUMANS KNOW. You embed a cyanide chip under my skin and guess what -- I'm cutting it out. With my teeth. Oh I'm sorry, was that too hardcore for you? Yeah, well one time I ate two of my own toes because I hadn't eaten dessert.
Saudi 'Killer Chip' Implant Would Track, Eliminate Undesirables [foxnews]
Thanks to Dustin and philip, who track people the old fashioned way: by looking for footprints and shit. Literally, looking for shit.
May 14 2009 Best Financial Investment Commercial Ever
NOTE: VIDEO IS NSFW DEPENDING ON HOW YOUR EMPLOYER FEELS ABOUT VIVID ORIGAMI SEX ACTS.
This is a commercial for Bontrust Finance. It is arguably the best commercial for a financial institution I've ever seen. Not only was it incredibly well made, but it features lewd sex acts. OUT OF NOWHERE. Which, let's be honest, are the best kind. Except on the Metro. I'm looking at you, Mr. '"Whip it Out Whenever You Want". But no eye contact -- I remember what happened last time!
Thanks to Harry, who once had relations with one of those little paper fortune teller thingies you used to make in grade school.
Jan 17 2009 FAKE! This Is A Complete Photoshop Job. You Can Tell It's A Fake Because I Went To Block Your IP Address But Accidentally Locked Myself Out Of The System (I've Been Drinking, Somebody Call IT)
Some adbuster in Berlin (that's Germany, for those of you who failed remedial geography) added a touch of flair to some ads in a subway station featuring Britney Spears and some other wankers by making them look like they were a Photoshop interface. And I think I speak for all of us when I say their work really speaks volumes -- about how ugly celebrities really are. And also, about subway security.
Hit the jump for a bunch more of the Photoshoppery.
Jun 25 2008 Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon
We've all been there before: You finally bring a girl home from the bar, get her to the bedroom, and you're rounding 3rd base and trying to come home when...shit, out of condoms. So you grab a snack-sized Doritos bag off the nightstand, but before you can secure the thing to your member with a piece of electrical tape, the chick dives out a window.
Enter German inventor Jan Vinzenz Krause. Jan got super drunk at a party once and forgot to take his shoes off before passing out. He woke up with a huge penis drawn on his face and a crotchful of silly string. Putting two and two together, Jan soon invented spray-on latex condoms.
The spray-on condom prototype measures a man's size (really big, big, average, small, really small) and then covers his penis in liquid latex providing him with a proper fitting condom. A man places his penis in a chamber. He then presses a button and a pump squirts out liquid latex through some nozzles onto the man's penis in about 20 seconds. If 20 seconds seems like a long time to wait the good news is that the inventor is working on shortening the time to about 10 seconds.
Uh, Jan? 10 seconds is a long time and The Geekologie Writer isn't exactly known for his stamina. What he is known for is once trying to slow himself down by using an empty shampoo bottle for a condom. Now I'm "that Pert Plus guy".
Hit the jump for the uncensored picture and a video demonstration.
Continue Reading " Oh Boy!: Spray On Prophylactic Coming Soon "
Jun 10 2008 German Waterslide Does A Loopty-Loop
This is a video of a new waterslide in Germany that does a loopty loop. It's not straight up and down or anything, but it's still pretty damn impressive. The ride starts with you standing in a little chamber and then getting dropped through the trap-door floor. It looks like a lot of fun. As long as shitting your banana hammock on a German water slide is your idea of fun.
Another, longer video showing how the thing was made, after the drop.
Apr 23 2008 Run For The Hills Or The TV?: Robot Soccer Players To Compete With Humans By 2050
The Robocup German Open is in full effect (April 21-25) and it's every bit as frightening as you'd expect. The only thing I found comfort in was that the robots are clearly too stupid to distinguish a soccer ball from an orange tennis ball. Those stupid bastards. We're still doomed though. According to Stefan Kohlbrecher, a member of the Technical University of Darmstadt's Darmstadt Dribblers, "The goal of the RoboCup is to compete against human world champions with robots by the year 2050." Uh oh. No word on whether the robots will be equipped with rockets and laser cannons, but as far as ratings go, I think it's a no-brainer.
Two videos from the 2007 cup after the jump -- one teaser trailer, and one of the final match in the humanoid division.
Dec 28 2007 German Poontang Juice Is Horrible Smelling
Some crazy German company makes a product called Vulva that smells like a woman's nether-regions. You take the glass vial, give it a shake, and then rub some on the back of your hand. They sent a free sample and I must say I'm actually getting sick while I write this. Currently the original scent is the only one available, but Eighteen and Exotic scents are coming soon. One vial runs about $29 and is disgusting. Yep, I'm puking in my mouth. Geez, I can't believe I even managed to type all this. Now if you'll excuse me I need to wash the back of my hand before I get any sicker. Wait, the dog is licking it. Oh the humanity.
Official Website - WARNING: VERY NSFW but features a must see video when you're in the comfort of your own home.
A big thanks (I think) to Miles for the very disturbing tip
Oct 18 2007 Artificial Tornado In Mercedes Benz Museum
The Guinnes Book of Records verified that the artificial tornado in Germany's Mercedes Benz Museum is the world's largest man-made twister. It's 34.43 meters (~113 feet) tall, and contains approximately 28 tons of air. It takes 144 jets about seven minutes to produce. It was created to suck smoke out of the building and save lives should a fire start. In the picture, carbon dioxide is being sprayed into the bottom of the tornado to make it visible. It's awesome, and I'm thinking about modifying my bathroom exhaust fan to produce something similar. I don't really understand the science behind it or anything, but I'm pretty handy with power tools. Okay, so I'm not very good with power tools. I can swing a hammer. Fine, I'm lying. I can wield a screwdriver with the best of them though. The vodka and orange juice version at least.
A bigger version of the picture after the jump.
Continue Reading " Artificial Tornado In Mercedes Benz Museum "
Sep 17 2007 Triops, The Throwable Digital Camera
German designer Franziska Faoro has developed the Triops digital camera, which is a digital camera with three fisheye lenses. It can take panoramic photographs, or be thrown to take really blurry photographs. Yes I said thrown. You're supposed to toss it around for "an active, spontaneous and playful photography experience." It responds to sound and movement to take pictures, which are wirelessly transmitted to a separate display unit. Franziska is still searching for a manufacturer to produce the unit, so we'll see what happens. Of course if it goes anything like the "throwable audio equipment" I invented, I think it's safe to say these won't be hitting shelves anytime soon. Just the floor. And breaking.
Triops, The Throwable Digital Camera [yankodesign]
Sep 4 2007 German Pants Have iPod Controls
These suede German lederhosen have integrated iPod controls beneath one of the pockets. The MP3 player is integrated into the pants as well, but where is a mystery -- hopefully not too close to where your change purse hangs. I don't like the idea of electronics too close to the jewels. I bet you could ride the subway with these things on and play with yourself the whole time. If anyone screams just point to the controls and tell them you're trying to find your favorite song. Then when they ask why you have your ding-a-ling in your hand just throw in that you're German and you'll be good to go.
German Pants Have iPod Controls [ohgizmo]
Aug 27 2007 World's First Automated Restaurant
A new restaurant in Nuremberg, Germany is opening with no waiters. Because it's an automated restaurant! Named 's Baggers (yes that's correct, it starts with an apostrophe) the restaurant's only employees are the cooks (who should be replaced with robots). Patrons order via touchscreen (which doubles as credit card paying device), and the food is delivered via gravity from the kitchen above along steel rails. This place is awesome, and anyone who has been let me know. You know what else is cool? I've heard that if you have two legs or a wheelchair or even a walker and can locate the door all the food you order is free.
A few more pictures after the jump, including one of two vagrants clearly involved in identity theft.
UPDATE: Video added.
Aug 24 2007 Cell Phone Graffiti
Mark Ecko, of Ecko Unlimited, is designing "digital citylights" that people can interact with using their cell phones via Bluetooth interface. You walk up to one of these monster LCD screens and spray digital graffiti with the cursor of your phone. Allegedly they're going to be released in Germany, the land of the color changing bus stop, to see how they go over. And by go over I think they mean how long until they're covered in real paint, with tags like "RAZ" and "SPATZ" and huge blue dongs. I'm gonna have to go with instantly.
Cell Phone Graffiti [gizmodo]
Aug 17 2007 Body Heat Electricity
Those clever German researchers are at it again, this time over at the Fraunhofer Institute. They have developed "entire electronic systems" that can run off of body heat turned electricity. The picture above shows a wireless transmitter being powered by the heat given off by a person's hand via a thermoelectric generator. Of course the wireless transmitter only needs 200 millivolts to operate. So when they say "entire electronic systems" can run off body heat, I think what they meant was pretty much nothing. Wake me up when I can power a portable videogame system by holding it. Ka-ching! Don't steal that idea.
Body Heat Electricity [engadget]
Aug 10 2007 Color Changing Bus Stop
The Landmark Bus Shelter was designed by a German company for use around Hamburg in an attempt to "convey a harmonious overall image of the urban area. Modern elements and clear lines enable a universal use of this bus shelter. The right side wall contains a lighting system that shines in changing colors. This provides for alternating light and color moods at night. Thus, the bus shelter is stage set as an item of street furniture and moved into the focus of attention."
What will they come up with next? I thought the addition of a bench was about as far as the bus stop could be taken. Although, I do really like this idea of color changing mood lighting. The crazy bag lady and I have been looking for something to put the spice back in our late night makeout sessions.
Color Changing Bus Stop [yankodesign]
