Nov 10 2008 Thanks A Lot Big Guy, All I Got Was An Extra Tooth: God Gives Man 260-Horsepower
Allegedly Allah gave Sayyed Muhammad Ahmad Abdallah the power of 260 horses, roughly the equivalent of 30,000 men. He has been married 24 times, fathered 35 children, and can bend coins with his eye socket and rip them with his hands. WTF! He has to have sex with his 4 current wives at least 15 times a day (in total) and can't shake hands with someone without breaking all their fingers. Needless to say, masturbating is completely out of the question.
Thanks to Ian, who God actually gave 330-horsepower -- and leather seats.
Jul 31 2008 OLD!: Tracing The World's Oldest Jokes
The University of Wolverhampton recently published a list of the 10 oldest jokes, and #1 dates all the way back to 1900 BC. It, unsurprisingly, was toilet humor.
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
Oh man, that's disgusting. I don't even get it but it still sounds nasty.
Joke #2 came from nearly 300 years later.
A 1600 BC gag about a pharaoh, said to be King Snofru, comes second -- "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."
Oh man, I totally want to be a pharaoh. I was a little surprised there weren't any caveman jokes, but apparently they weren't very funny (like yours truly).
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
More like "what barely hangs past a man's pubic hair". Am I right, guys? No? Just me? Damn. Seriously though, I just wrote a joke. What do you call a woman that makes you wait until marriage to have sex because she secretly has a penis? Just my luck. HIYO!
And yes, I added Drew from Office Space to the picture.
World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC [yahoonews]
Feb 19 2008 Cleopatra Would Have Dug The Pyramid Car
The "Dream Car" is an electric vehicle built by a father and son team. It's shaped like a pyramid. The name of the father responsible for the car is Greg Zanis, his two sons are Chris and Greg. A pyramid is defined as "A solid figure with a polygonal base and triangular faces that meet at a common point." This vehicles weighs over 8,000 pounds and has 80 batteries that power its 4 engines. It can go 45 mph, has a range of 80 miles, and recharges in about 4 hours. It cost $60,000 to build and doesn't have airbags. What is does have is awesome neon lighting (see picture after jump) and sweet pyramidal styling.
Did I mention it looks like a UFO? And obviously when I say UFO I mean UDO because it isn't flying. I bet Chris and Greg can't wait until they get to take their dates to prom in this thing. They're never getting laid! EVER EVER EVER! If a dove flies by a diamond the size of a bowling ball and brushes it with its wing ever so slightly once every 1,000 years then when the diamond is finally worn down to nothing they'll still be 40 trillion year old virgins. Just kidding, I commend the boys and their father on an awesome project.
Check out the sweet neon and a video after the jump.
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Jan 28 2008 Indiana Jones Home Theater Looking Okay
I would actually consider this "Indiana Jones" themed home theater more of an "Egyptian themed" home theater with some Indiana Jones props strewn about, but whatever. It's still way badder-ass than my theater, which is a pair of binoculars I use to watch my neighbor's television.
That being said, the movie props they have are pretty cool, including the golden idol from Raiders. You know what pissed me off about that? That Indy replaced the idol with a damn bag of sand. That thing had to weigh way more than a freaking bag of sand. Man that made me angry. And then when the monkey died because it ate a poisoned date? That was pretty upsetting too -- until you realized it was in with the Nazis and deserved to die. But how about that line by Sallah? He catches it, points to the monkey and says "Bad dates." F***ing classic! And speaking of bad dates, I went on one over the weekend. What made it so bad you ask? Take a wild guess. Yep, she had a penis. It was way bigger than mine. It happened again. I swear, eHarmony sucks.
A ton more pictures of the theater's movie props, after the whip-crack.
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