Oct 13 2009 Something's Not Right: Google Street View Car Spots Deer Crossing Fail In Canada

That doesn't look like any deer I've ever seen. But maybe they used that picture because they want you to slow down like an elephant. Elephants, after all, are notoriously lumbering beasts. Not unlike -- wait for it, wait for it -- mammoths! I don't care if you are frozen solid, consider yourself burnt you woolly mammaries!

Google Maps (actual location)
via
Google Street View confirms Elephantitis strikes deer population in Canada [autoblog]

Thanks to fdsy, who once saw a children crossing sign with a picture of Sasquatch. Hey, some kids look like that.

Oct 11 2009 Speak For Yourself: Scientists Claim We Would Never Survive A Zombie Apocalypse

According to a couple of Canadian researchers, the human race could never weather a zombie uprising. Pfft, speak for yourselves, Canucks -- I'M A SURVIVOR!

Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies.

If society were ever attacked by zombies, we would probably be doomed, and quickly. That was the conclusion of two university researchers in Ottawa, Ontario, who set up mathematical models hypothesizing zombie attacks as infectious diseases with the well-known characteristics of zombie biology from popular fiction. In fact, according to a July BBC News report, zombies are more threatening than virulent diseases because they can regenerate (unless decapitated or incinerated, of course). More troubling was the researchers' presumption that zombies move slowly, as in older movies, but in recent fiction, they're super-quick, making them nearly invincible.

Oh man, as much as I do respect a couple of Canadians with calculators plugging away at a mathematical model they created using the info they gathered from Shawn of the Dead and Zombieland, this is one blogger who isn't succumbing to the zombie apocalypse. Robot, sure, but not zombies.

News of the Weird: Based on models of rampant infectious diseases, say researchers, civilization would be doomed if we were ever attacked by zombies [yahoonews]

Thanks to Gideon, who isn't going out in any sort of apocalypse. Except perhaps a sexpocalypse. Just kidding!

Aug 26 2009 I Love Science: Scientist Plan to 'Reverse-Engineer' Dinosaurs From Modern Chickens

In the best news I've heard in a while, a scientist at McGill University in Montreal (I love you, Canada) is attempting to reverse engineer a dinosaur from a chicken "by altering chicken genes known to have evolved since the Cretaceous."

Needless to say, there are many problems with the very concept of making a dinosaur out of a chicken. For one, dinosaurs, as a group, are defined by only a few characteristics: a hole in their hip socket, some limb bone flanges, and other minor anatomical features. Changing chicken DNA won't produce those traits, because chickens already have them. A chicken, like all birds, is already a dinosaur. Getting rid of its feathers or giving it teeth won't make it more of a dinosaur than it already is.

What in the -- chickens ARE dinosaurs? To the colonel's farm, STAT -- I'm gonna roll myself in corn and die happy!

Scientist Vows To Reverse-Engineer Dinosaur From Chicken [popsci]

Thanks to James, Alexander the Viking, Mr. Robbot, Adam, Dustin, Erik, Myriapode, Tigerh8r, Pepe la PEWPEW, Dominik and Caroline, who will never look at a drumstick the same.

Apr 21 2009 Whee: Getting High With The God Of Thunder

A day late (the story of my life), comes an animated gif of Thor getting all high on some beaster-looking weed. It's all good too, since, as you may recall from your Germanic mythology course in college, Thor is Canadian. *thunder rumbling* Eh?

Thanks to Alex, who once got high with Poseidon in an octopus' garden in the shade. Cool.

Dec 1 2008 Meteor Fragments Found, Geekologie Writer Plans To Pilfer And Sell On eBay

Remember the meteor that PEW PEWed over Canada last week? Well a bunch of the fragments have finally been located by scientists. So what I'm going to do is grab one of the guys, beat the whereabouts of said fragments out of him, liberate the stones, and then sell those mothers on eBay for a hefty profit! It's the American way. In Canada. It's the Americanadian way!

U of C planetary scientist Dr. Alan Hildebrand and graduate student Ellen Milley announced Friday morning they located several meteorite fragments late Thursday afternoon. They believe thousands of meteorite bits are strewn over 20 square kilometers near the Battle River.

Friday afternoon, they led a group of reporters to the site -- a region called Buzzard Coulee, about 40 kilometres from Lloydminster Reporters were told those observations, combined with the physical evidence, give scientists a treasure trove of data that could give them a better understanding of the solar system.

Haha, I didn't have to beat up the scientist after all. Woops. Anyway, what is this about a better understanding of the solar system? I'll tell you everything you need to know about the solar system in three sentences: It's big. It has a bunch of shit in it, but it's all pretty spread out with lots of nothing in between. Sometimes stuff busts all up into earth's atmosphere and goes buck-ass wild in here. Seriously, just ask the dinosaurs. OH HO -- that's right, they're all dead! My God were they sexy though.

Meteorite pieces found in Saskatchewan [cbcnews]

Thanks to Larry, who made fun of me for crying during The Land Before Time. Also, Dan smells.

Nov 24 2008 PEEEW!: Meteor Blasts Over Canada

A brilliant meteor shone its alien light over Alberta and Saskatchewan at approximately 5:30 p.m. last Thursday.

[The meteor] likely weighed between one and 10 tons and shone brightly enough to be seen over an area 700 km (435 miles) wide.

"It was somewhere between the size of a chair to the size of a desk," said Alan Hildebrand, a planetary scientist at the University of Calgary and a coordinator of a fireball reporting service.

Well damn, you think there were any aliens aboard that mother? I dunno, but rest assured I'll be sleeping underwearless tonight to find out. Report tomorrow.

UPDATE: We aren't alone. Wait a minute -- this is just a broken television antennae!

Meteor lights up skies over Western Canada [yahoonews]

Oct 14 2008 Oops: Possible Mistake On Walmart's Website

This is a screencap from Walmart's Canadian website for Summer's Eve Feminine Spray Ultra - Extra Strength. As you can see, it's applied with a pressure washer. I actually went to the website and the picture was still there, but there wasn't a description of the product. But, FAKE! or not, I think we can all agree that you'd have to be growing psychedelic mushrooms in your vagina to need this shit.

Uh... [baldheretic]

Thanks to Jenny, The Bloggess, who allegedly knows a woman that has to douche with a firehose.

Feb 5 2008 Wicked MASHERTRON Robot Suit On eBay

A Canadian by the name Steve Masher made a pretty wicked robot costume and is selling it on eBay. It's called MASHERTRON (an homage to his sweet last name).

The suit comes with Z0M190D type 2 deathray, composite fiber chest armor and whatever awesome name you want to call the head. selling because i am starting collage next year and it is very expensive. if you ask nicely i might be willing to include the ax for free as well.

He might include the ax!?! I thought the suit alone was enough to justify the $503 starting bid. Just look at that extensive use of packing tape to hold his horn thingies on. That stuff doesn't come cheap folks. And the death ray on his arm? Awesome. I'm just glad he was smart enough to not point it directly at the camera for the picture, otherwise we'd all be dead.

NOTE: I'm not totally sure, but this auction may be a hoax. Mostly because the seller mentions starting "collage" next year, which I'm pretty sure is an art project made out of cut-up magazines and is not "very expensive" like he claims.

eBay Auction

Thanks to Ryan, who doesn't make cardboard armor because he values his sex life, for the tip

Jan 15 2008 Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack

I don't have trouble waking up in the morning because I have a cat that lets me know it’s time to rise by sticking his b-hole to my face. But if you don't have such a considerate cat then maybe you need something a little more serious. How about a fire bell alarm clock? I can guarantee it's loud enough to wake you up or give you a heart attack. While it looks pretty easy to make, I wouldn't suggest it unless you're really hard of hearing or just hate life. While I may install one in my girlfriend's shed to ensure she's not late for work, I'll be sticking (literally) to my kitty’s suction a-hole alarm.

Video tutorial after the jump.

Continue Reading " Hate Waking Up: Fire Bell Alarm Clock Hack "

Nov 19 2007 Aiko Robot Doesn't Like Being Touched

Canadian robot lover Trung Le built himself a female android named Aiko and gave a few public demonstrations of what she's capable of. Basically she can give directions, read stuff off the internet, and respond to some stimuli. Like when Trung grabs her arm too hard she tells him "Why did you do that for? It's hurt." Then right after that he moves in and grabs a boobie. She takes a swing at him and tells him "I do not like it when you touch my breasts." Nice one Trung, you're probably the creepiest robot builder ever. It certainly doesn't help that the poor android is limited to a wheelchair. Jesus Trung, you really hit rock bottom with this performance. You sick bastard.

Canadian Fembot Hates Being Sexually Harassed [therawfeed]