Nov 19 2009 Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!)

Looking for the latest and least greatest in iPhone apps? Check out the $1 "Blower" app. It sucks blows sucks and blows is f***ing stupid.

Thanks to the new "Blower" app, iPhone owners will now be able to blow out candles with their handset. Just "switch on your app, turn the iPhone volume to the max and feel the air flowing from the speaker opening."

Unlock the new mind-blowing secret feature on your iPhone. Turn your iPhone into a real Air Blower!

Mind-blowing secret feature my ass. An x-ray camera, now THAT'S a mind-blowing secret feature. Or the ability to make calls to the dead. Phone developers, are you getting all this? Because I'm not buying another phone until I can talk to George Washington and take pictures of Martha's underwear. Just saying.

Hit the jump for a video of the app blowing out candles. WHEE, what a birthday!

Continue Reading " Air Blower iPhone App Really Blows Air (See What I Did There? There's More To Come!) "

Nov 17 2009 Eye Candy: Beautiful Toshiba Commercial Floats Armchair To The Edge Of Space

To demonstrate how good the atmosphere looks on a Toshiba television, the company floated an armchair and camera up to 98,000-feet with a helium balloon. It's a really beautiful thing to watch, right up there with catfights at the bar. Gouge her eyes out!

Toshiba
and
Youtube

Thanks to nicobbg, Deputy Dog, Melissa, pouncer24 and naas, who are all convinced the moon landing was faked as part of a governmental money-laundering scheme. I wouldn't be surprised.

Nov 17 2009 There's Got To Be An Easier Way: Guy Uses Crane-Lifted Lawnmower To Trim His Hedge

In a feat of extreme-mowing, two men in Cambridge, New Zealand used a crane to lift a lawnmower high enough to trim one's overgrown hedges. Nice, guys, I like the way you think -- EXXXTREME!!

The operator, who did not want to be named, is now nursing a broken hand, but said it wasn't a fall from the mower that caused the injury but one off the crane.

He admitted it was not the safest method of trimming the hedge, but said it was all done as a bit of a joke.

They wanted to film the stunt, put it on the internet and see how many hits it got, but in the end had no video camera.

That, my friends, is pathetic. Not only a broken hand BUT NO VIDEO. WTF?! I demand a re-do. But this time with fireworks shooting out the back. Oooh, and bikini girls. Plus more injuries. I suggest fraying the cables and loosening the mower blade. YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE CENTURY! And I want producer credit.

High rider trims his hedge [stuff]

Thanks to Patrick, who trims his hedge the old fashioned way: with a straight-razor. Yikes!

Nov 14 2009 The Million Dollar Man With The Bionic Ass

Ged Gavin, 55, has a bionic ass and doesn't care who knows. Which is good because I definitely just texted everyone in my phone. And by texted I mean sexted. All the kids are doing it. What? Yes I'd jump off a bridge!

Mr Galvin suffered massive internal injuries and had to be fitted with a colostomy bag until surgeons at the Royal London Hospital could perform the complex operation to rebuild his bottom.

The medical team took a muscle from above his knee, wrapped it around his sphincter, and then attached electrodes to the nerves.

These are now operated by a palm-sized remote control that he carries in his pocket.

"They call me the man with the bionic bottom, but that doesn't bother me. My gratitude to the surgeons is endless because what they have done is a miracle."

Colostomy bag or a bionic ass, that's a tough call. I'd probably opt for a bullet in my head. Kidding, suicide is never the answer. Unless you're my ex-wife, in which case it totally is.

Man uses remote to control his 'bionic bottom' [telegraph]

Thanks to Ross, who uses a remote control to chew but is starving because he lost the thing in a couch.

Nov 4 2009 Breast Scarf Ever (See What I Did There?!)

This is a boob scarf made out of gym socks and what may or may not be dried apricots. They cost $45 and are available from Etsy seller Lourdesoftheflies. I think you only get one pair for that price though. RIPOFF!

almost look real!

almost feel real!
almost are real!

great for winter!

If you can actually convince someone that these almost look and feel real, you could probably sell safety matches to the devil. That said, I bought two pairs just to be safe. Worse comes to worse I'll fill them with pennies and swing em around like nunchucks.

Etsy Product Page

Thanks to Rich Waffle_u, who better not waffle me unless he wants a face full of knuckles!

Oct 29 2009 I See You!: 8x Zoom Case For Nintendo DSi

Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're secretly a spy? Me neither. Want an 8x zoom lens for your DSi because you're in love with the receptionist at the free clinic and you want to candidly take pictures of her? You've got problems. But if you've also got $25 you can have the Nyko DSi Zoom Case, a case and lens that attach to your DSi and allow up to 8x zoom. Plus, it's super inconspicuous. Goodbye bow tie camera!

Hit the jump for a shot of it's zooming capabilities and all the accessories.

Continue Reading " I See You!: 8x Zoom Case For Nintendo DSi "

Oct 28 2009 Don't Swat Me, Bro!: Ad-Carrying Flies

This is a video of some tradeshow in Germany where a company released flies with advertisements attached to them like those little planes at the beach. It's pretty awesome and really got me thinking about hiring mosquitoes to start promoting Geekologie. And by promoting Geekologie i mean flying a video camera into your sister's bedroom. I am a modern Don Draper!

Youtube

Thanks to Harald, who still advertises in the newspaper. THE NEWSPAPER! What is this, the 40's? Geekologie is where it's at, son!

Oct 27 2009 No Beach For Me: 'Monster' Great White Almost Bites Smaller Great White In Half

This is a picture of a 10-foot great white shark that was almost bitten in half by what is believed to be a 20-foot great white -- just five feet short of Jaws and only seven short of my penis.

'It certainly opened up my eyes. I mean the shark that was caught is a substantial shark in itself,' says Jeff Krause of Queensland Fisheries.

The great white, the most dangerous creature in the sea, was still alive when hauled onto a boat near Deadman's Beach off north Stradbroke island.

'Whatever attacked and took chunks out of this big shark must be massive,' said 19-year-old surfer Ashton Smith. 'I've heard about the big one that's lurking out there somewhere.

'We're all being very, very cautious.'

Listen, I'm not saying I'm the world's manliest man, but for a lifetime supply of Australian beer and the chance to ride in a kangaroo's pouch, I will kill this shark anyway you want. Provided you want me to throw dynamite from a helicopter.

Great White nearly bit in half by an even BIGGER monster: Swimmers stay out of the water after warning over giant 20ft shark [dailymail]

Thanks to Ann, wes, Blastphemer, neo geo, Chris and salsa shark, who have all ridden sharks before and said it was a memorable experience.

Oct 16 2009 Coool!: Earth And Jupiter In The Same Photo

This is an amazing photograph of the earth (and moon) and Jupiter (and a few of its moons) in the same frame. Now I know what you're thinking, and no, God didn't take this one.

Sometimes the planets line up in such a way that you can see Earth and Jupiter in the same wide-angle shot. That is, if you were aboard the Mars Global Surveyor on May 22, 2003. When the Mars Orbiter Camera snapped this unique view, Earth was 86 million miles away, and Jupiter was 600 million miles away.

Wow, that really gets you thinking, doesn't it? Like about how far objects in space are from one another. Really far. And speaking of which -- will one of you be so kind as to walk the remote over here?

Hit the jump to see a diagram explaining how the planets were aligned.

Continue Reading " Coool!: Earth And Jupiter In The Same Photo "

Oct 11 2009 Backwards!: NES Cartridge Plays Games

We've seen Nintendos stuffed into NES cartridges before, but never with such a quality final product.

My nesP is basically a noname china brand portable media player, with the advantage of being able to play nes roms, and a nes controller hacked to the controls....Well it worked perfect, it was like it was made to fit, I didn't use any hot glue or anything other than some double sided tape to hold the battery in place. It's a really tight fit though. It's got 4gb built in memory, with a sd card slot in the inside so you could expand the memory if needed, and not only does it play nes games, but it also plays gameboy and gameboy color roms as well. 2.8" TFT LCD, built-in rechargeable lithium battery, Video player, MP3 player, FM radio, Picture viewer, Audio recorder, it's got a camera and video camera (but I disabled them to fit in the case), built in speaker, and the best part... TV-OUT !!! so you can play on the big screen!

I would rock that. Of course, I would rock a lot of things. Including, but not limited to: your ass at some Powerstone 2 on Dreamcast! Bring it, chumps!

Several shots of the innards and a video (extra points for being Youtube user 'robotswillkillyou') of the console in action after the jump.

Continue Reading " Backwards!: NES Cartridge Plays Games "

Oct 9 2009 I Can't Even Believe That's Real: Amazing Bullet Impacts At 1,000,000 Frames/Second

A million FPS, is that even possible? Because that's crazy if it is (also, black magical). I'll probably never do anything a million times, let alone in a single second. But regardless, this is a 10:00 video of bullets doing their thing in super slow-motion. There's some pretty sweet glass breaking action at 4:30, some ballistic gel destruction right after, and some absolutely amazing footage of bullets disintegrating against a steel plate starting at 6:20. It's just so....beautiful. I can honestly say I've never wanted to be shot so badly. Anybody here in a gang?!

Youtube

Thanks to jamal, who has never missed the bullseye or a day of class. Good attendance AND a sharp shooter -- I like your style, jamal.

Oct 2 2009 Serious Eye Candy: Amazing Photograph Of The World's Tallest Rocket Blasting Off

This is a photo of the world's tallest rocket blasting off for outerspace without me. Damnit, I packed a sack lunch and everything! HOLLER AT YOUR BOY, NASA. Come on -- I'll bring you back an alien corpse!

You're looking at the 253.2-foot Delta 4-Heavy lifting off from launch complex 37B at Cape Canaveral, and yes, that's actually a photograph. Good thing the camera was remotely triggered by photographer Ben Cooper, who used sound activation to snap this shot while he was safely ensconced 3 miles away.

We feel sorry for that camera, though, whose lens was destroyed. The good news is, the camera itself somehow survived this hellish inferno as the world's tallest unmanned rocket roared away from its launchpad.

Impressive, huh? We've certainly come a long way since people thought the world was round, am I right? IT'S A D-20 YOU IDIOTS. God loves D&D! Now, gimme a roll for drunkenness, big guy. 19! BLAAAAAAAHH!!

World's tallest rocket roars away, captured in spectacular photo [dvice]

Sep 30 2009 You'd Be Better Off Making Your Own: Max's Wolf Suit From Where The Wild Things Are

This is a reproduction of the wolf suit worn by Max in Maurice Sendak's iconic Where The Wild Things Are (soon to be a major motion picture!) manufactured by Opening Ceremony. I thought it was pretty damn cool until I saw they're charging $610. Now it's not. At all.

"by staring into their yellow eyes without blinking once", max was made the king of the wild things. you can achieve his look far more easily with max's iconic wolf play suit. identical to the one illustrated by maurice sendak and brought to life by spike jonze, our collaborative piece with the director features a super soft faux fur one piece with six brown buttons down the front, a snap off faux raccoon fur tail, attached fingerless gloves, and a hood with attached ears and a snap closure at the neck.

Yeah, I'm just gonna make my own, thanks. And by make my own I mean have one of you folks do it. Last time I tried making my own costume I woke up with my head sewn to the arm of the couch and a cat sitting on my cheek bare asshole. TUCK YOUR TAIL UNDER NEXT TIME, GOD!

Product Site
via
$610 Max Suit [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Stephanie, Carlos and jack, who all thought it was a bunny costume.

Sep 17 2009 Genius!: Neck Tie Beer Bottle Opener

The After Office Tie, by Argentinian design firm Sinapsis, appears to be an ordinary neck tie when worn under a suit. But little will your boss know that there's actually a bottle opener at the bottom perfect for opening happiness (read: booze) while on the clock! You know, this reminds me: one day I almost finished a whole case of beer at work. *glug glug glug* Aaaaaaaand I did it! Now, who's down for happy hour? I will drink your ass under the table! Oooh, and while you're down there -- you spy any loose Chex mix? I like the cereal bits.

Concept: Tie with built-in bottle opener [crunchgear]

Thanks to Jason, who opens beer bottles with his eye socket like a normal pirate.

Sep 9 2009 Sticking It To The Man: Guy Dons Monkey Mask To Avoid Paying Speeding Fines

Guys, I know I said I'd have the haiku graded by last night, but I still have 200 to go. Then, I have to choose 4 out of the top 100 I've pulled aside. I WILL DO IT TONIGHT, I PRETTY PRETTY PROMISE. That said, some jackass is speeding around Phoenix, AZ wearing a monkey mask to avoid paying speeding-camera fines. To date, he's already been sent 37 tickets.

"Not one of them there is a picture where you can identify the driver," said Dave Vontesmar, a flight attendant who works at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. "The ball's in their court. I sent back all these ones I got with a copy of my driver's license and said, 'It's not me. I'm not paying them.' "

"We watched him four different times put the monkey mask on and put the giraffe-style mask on," Officer Dave Porter told AZcentral.com. "Based on surveillance, we were positive that Vontesmar was the driver."

"It's obviously a revenue grab," he said of the new photo-enforcement program. "They're required by law to ID the driver of the vehicle. If they can't identify the driver or the vehicle by the picture, what are they doing to identify the driver?"

Really -- monkey and giraffe masks? Save 'em for the bedroom, Dave.

Man Dons Mask for Speed-Camera Photos [aolnews]

Thanks to Pat, who only drives in style -- on the sidewalk with a grocery bag on his head.

Sep 3 2009 How To Rob An Apple Store In 31 Seconds

Just like this. IN 31 seconds the thieves made off with 23 Macbook Pro's, 14 iPhones and 9 iPod Touch. Wow. And did anybody else find it annoying how the reporter was speaking during the video? "Watch again as the thieves show skilled practice at bringing down that plate glass door. And savvy enough to wear masks knowing there would be surveillance cameras ALL OVER THE PLACE." Skilled practice, really? THEY THREW A BRICK THROUGH A GLASS DOOR. "Savvy enough to wear masks"? Jesus, it's not like they trained pigeons to rob the store, they tied bandannas around their faces and this guy thinks they're criminal masterminds.

How to Rob an Apple Store [buzzfeed]

Thanks to Greg, Gino, Sarah and The Superficial Writer, who could have done it in 29 seconds AND snagged a couple iPhone cases.

Sep 2 2009 Makes A Perfect Gift: Man Eating LEGO Pits

Two LEGO posts in a row involving scary shit with teeth -- BOOSH! So some guy started a website called igotyouamaneatingpit.com that sells man-eating pits made of LEGO. These are two examples of the seemingly endless possibilities. Pits start in the low $20's and go up from there. They are completely customizable by choosing a feeding system (person), food escape system (bike, monkey, etc.) and theme pack. They make the perfect gift for that person on your gift list who already has everything -- everything but a man-eating pit! Which, haha, come standard on some female models. I've seen toothy vaginas!

I Got You A Man Eating Pit

Thanks to Eddy and Jake, who tried to make DUPLO man-eating pits but they just weren't that scary.

Sep 1 2009 Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti

Allegedly a couple of Poles filmed a real life Yeti while on vacation in the Tatra mountains. I didn't even know there were Polish Yetis, but I do now. Say -- how many do you think it takes to screw in an energy efficient light bulb?

"I saw this huge ape-like form hiding behind the rocks. When I saw it it was like being struck by a thunderbolt," he told the Superexpress.

"Coming from Warsaw, I never really believed the local stories of a wild mountain ape-man roaming the slopes. But, now I do."

"The film clearly shows 'something' that moves on two legs and is bigger than a normal man," says Robert Bernatowicz, president of the Nautilus Foundation.

Interesting. And you know what? I kind of believe it. Like two Poles could possibly plan a hoax!

Hit the jump for the (unsurprisingly) horrible quality video.

Continue Reading " Polish Vacationers Allegedly Film Yeti "

Aug 29 2009 Bokeh Filter Turns Light Blurs Into Shapes

The Bokeh filter is a $10 physical filter for your camera that turns out of focus light blurs in the background into shapes like hearts and stars and spirals (separate filter required for each). It works by magic. But not black magic, because you don't want to eff with that shit unless you absolutely have to.

One of the fastest growing fads in modern photography is bokeh shapes. Bokeh shapes are shapes of light in the blurred background of photos. These shapes are achieved by using a bokeh filter over the camera lens. Bokeh is a photography term derived from the Japanese word for blurred. Bokeh refers to the unfocused background in a photo.

The Bokeh Filter is a simple filter that clips onto the end of your lens. This filter blocks out pieces of light that cause the bokeh (blur) in your images to take the shape of the filter.

Neato. Now if they could just create a camera filter that makes my face look like Brad Pitt's, maybe I wouldn't be losing so many Facebook friends. I'M A MONSTER! Truck, monster truck. VROOM VROOM, I AM CRUSHING YOUR CAR!

Hit the jump for a video of the filter in action, directly from a camera.

Continue Reading " Bokeh Filter Turns Light Blurs Into Shapes "

Aug 22 2009 High Security: USB Drive Has Number Lock

Worried about somebody getting at the precious files on you flash drive? Try keeping it in your pocket and not leaving it on the bus. But if you're really worried you should handcuff it to your wrist like a briefcase filled with pirate treasure. Alternatively, get a Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive ($99).

[The drive] features a built in num keypad that requires you to enter a pin code before you can access your data. It is the 256bit encryption, if someone try to access your data by forcing access, the Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive will automatically destroy all data stored on the drive. However, if you do worry that you'll forget your PIN you can back everything up online, and there's also an optional PIN replacement assistance service available too.

Wow, that seems pretty intense. You must have some seriously serious files in order to require this much security. What are you, a spy? And, if so, how about hooking me up with a bow tie camera?

Personal Pocket Safe USB Drive [likecool]

Thanks to Ste, who keeps his data protected the old fashioned way: with hungry lions.