Feb 8 2010 OLD!: Robocop Selling Fried Chicken In Korea
You ever wanted to see an old-ass Korean commercial featuring Robocop hocking fried chicken strips? You're sick as f*** if you have. But this is it anyways, because I cater to you sickos. With a bowtie and silver platter and the whole nine yards. But if you think for one second I won't spike your drink, you've got another thing coming. Namely, a spiked drink. And then I'm gonna gulp it down right in front of you. HIYO, gettin' crunk on the job! Haha, what do you mean I'm fired?
Thanks to victor, who doesn't buy any products endorsed by robots. Buy human!
Jan 28 2010 Great, Now They're After Our Professional Athletes: Robot Kicks Soccer Ball 124MPH
Castrol, best known for keeping my ride lubed (double entendre!), went and created a robot to kick the everliving shit out of a soccer ball? Why? Cause they're a bunch of jerks.
Is there no end to the effort a company will expend on a promotional stunt? Deemed unsafe for training goalies, this bot seems useless. It will be touring the world as a demo of technical prowess and corporate largess, showing the lengths to which a company will go to garner attention. Looks like it's worked so far.
God, could you even imagine getting kicked by that thing? It'd be like, well, having your balls projected out the top of your skull at lightspeed. Which, I don't know about you, but I've been trying to avoid. Just sayin', a mule got me once, sent em as high my throat. They were salty.
Jan 27 2010 No, Not Radical: Robot Riding A Dino Tattoo
Radical is the opposite of what I was thinking. A cowbot riding a velociraptor around like a common horse? It's enough to make me sick to my stomach. Speaking of which: mixing soymilk and OJ doesn't make an Orange Julius. But it does make you throw up in your mouth a little (high-five Facebook friends -- you know what I'm talking about!). Anyway, today I'm gonna try adding sugar.
Thanks to Alex, who once went to a dinosaur rodeo and said it made him sick. You must have gone to the wrong kind Alex (I'll be in the closet).
Jan 11 2010 Never Ever Would I Ever: Fondle A Sex Robot
Seen here in one of the world's most pathetic photographs, Douglas Hines chats it up with his sex robot "Roxxxy" about soccer (and he wonders why he needs a sex robot).
The anatomically-correct robot, who can even snore, has an articulated skeleton that can move like a person but can't walk or independently move its limbs.
There is Wild Wendy, who is outgoing and adventurous, Frigid Farrah, who is reserved and shy, a young unnamed doll with a naïve personality, "matriarchal kind of caring" Mature Martha and S & M Susan, who is geared for more adventurous types.Coming with a laptop the doll, priced between US$7,000 (£4,350) to US$9,000 (£5,993), was unveiled at the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas at the weekend.
Inspiration for the sex robot sprang from the September 11, 2001 attacks, he said, where a friend died and he vowed to store his personality forever.
WTF!? Honoring the memory of a friend by humping his likeness in sex-robot form? Listen, I don't want to be honored if that's how they're doing it these days. Just shoot my body out of a cannon and call it a day.
Foxy 'Roxxxy': world's first 'sex robot' can talk about football [telegraph]
Thanks to Spenny "human advocat", dB, Brad B, Zerv, Steve P, TobyRaider, Brandon, Ben, Kyle, M3ntal, The Harbinger of Dooooooooom, Jasmine, dez, J.D., Mollie, Jack and Shannon, who don't do robots. Literally or figuratively.
Dec 23 2009 Wrong, Just Wrong: Video Of A Little Robot With Custom Weapons Shooting Dinosaurs
This is a video of a Tomy i-SOBOT that some deranged sicko made custom weapons for and then let loose to wreak havoc on a table in his living room. Why half the scenes involve killing innocent dinosaurs is beyond me, but if if I had to guess I'd say somebody has a death wish.
YouTube user Paxshikai is the proud owner of what is potentially the most dangerous i-SOBOT ever, thanks to its arsenal of custom made weapons that includes crossbows, sniper rifles, machine guns, rocket launchers, and even a light saber. In celebration of his 100th (!) YouTube video of an i-SOBOT blowing things up with a variety of weaponry (or doing other weird stuff), Paxshikai put together this compilation video.
Uncool dino abuse at 0:35, 1:00, 1:30 - 2:00, 3:10, and 4:05-4:30 (that last scene isn't for the faint of heart). So, is this how it's gonna be, Paxshikai? Because I have 0% fear of stomping the shit out of that little dino-killer. And you know what the GW punishment for killing a dinosaur is, don't you?
Paxshikai's 100th i-SOBOT Video [botjunkie]
Thanks to Ben, Spikey DaPikey and Zach, who all belong to an elite squad of robot saboteurs and wear fake mustaches and the whole nine yards.
Dec 8 2009 How To: Plan A Robot Birthday Party For Kids
This is part of a little party planner from Betty Crocker about how to throw a happy-fun robot-themed soiree for a child including a creepy-ass robotic cake (and I thought you were cool!). Also, who would have thought meatball hoagies and turkey-spinach (I will whip your monkey ass, Popeye!) wraps were the perfect accompaniment to A CAKE OF DEATH? Not cool, Betty, not cool.
Favorite Betty:
Crocker
White
Snap, replaced by a Golden Girl! That speaks volumes.
Robots Rule! Birthday Party [bettycrocker]
Thanks to Jenny, who knows a good old fashioned dino-party is the way to go. Rawr? RAAAAAAAWR!
Dec 8 2009 It Wasn't Me, Stop Asking: 'Walking With Dinosaurs' Robotic Dino Stolen In Mexico
FOR THE LAST TIME, IT WASN'T ME. I've already been contacted by the authorities and while I may have had some interest in one of the human-operated dinos, I wouldn't be caught dead stealing a ROBOTIC model. I just couldn't do it. Literally, no boner.
Staff noticed the 1.5m tall robot was missing after the show closed on its opening day in Guadalajara on Friday.
"Only in Mexico! How it happened we don't know," said the show's spokesman, Karla Arroyo. It is the first time an exhibit has been stolen from the show, she added.The theft did not stop the show going ahead. Everything went on as usual," said Ms Arroyo.
She said the stolen robot was the least expensive from the show - some measure up to 13m and cost up to 1m Australian dollars.
"Only in Mexico!"? What's the hell's that supposed to mean? And, on a completely unrelated note: where would be the best place to hide a giant robotic dinosaur? Please say in bed, please say in bed....
Walking With Dinosaurs robot stolen from Mexico show [bbcnews]
Thanks to Dave, Age, stephen podstar povey, Katt, adam and SquidgyB, who all flat-out accused me of the heist.
Nov 20 2009 Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise
How would you like this creepy little bastard staring at your ass when you're performing squats? Or maybe holding your feet while you do crunches? Or maybe you've got to be out of your got-damn mind!
Bandit is helping the University of Southern California Center for Robotics and Embedded Systems conduct a study on exercise training. 70 volunteers of all ages (including 20 people aged 60 or older living in retirement homes) will have either Bandit himself or Bandit on video as a trainer, and the researchers will try to figure out if the physical presence of the robot makes a difference.
That's right, they named him Bandit. As in, "Give me all your internal organs!" Listen, you want me to tell you whether a robot's presence helps you lose weight? It does -- and I'll prove it. SEND IN THE ROOMBA! *Eeeeeeeeeeeeek!* There, I feel four pounds lighter already. Oh, and I'm not cleaning that shit up either.
Video of the little jerkbag after the jump.
Continue Reading " Creepy Robot Stares At You So You Exercise "
Nov 17 2009 BURN IT DOWN!: The Bender Head House
The Bender House looks like Bender's dome from Futurama. If you've never seen Futurama I'm going to assume you don't have a television or internet so you probably aren't even reading this. Unless they print out copies of Geekologie and distribute them in Africa, which, I think we can all agree, is the best idea you've ever heard. Anyway, I'm gonna go ahead and start taking bets on how many beers it takes me to crash out of Bender's right eye and lay bleeding in the driveway -- oh -- oh -- *crash* Fourteen and a couple buttery nipples. Now somebody call 911 411, this guy needs a pizza.
I want this house [warmingglow]
Thanks to Marcie, who used to live in a house that looked like Robbie the Robot but it mysteriously burnt down. *whistling* Weird.
Nov 10 2009 No: Roombas Programmed To Play Pac-Man
Been waiting for someone to hack a bunch of Roombas to play Pac-Man? Me neither, but somebody did AND YOU'RE GOING TO WATCH THEM OR I'M GOING TO TOOTHPICK YOUR EYES OPEN AND MAKE YOU.
The vacuum, long an instrument for chasing cats, has now been turned against its own. What better use for automatic home appliances than to have them chase each other in classic video game style?
Built using our spare time, Roomba Pac-Man is designed to showcase the extensive Unmanned Aerial System software suite that we have developed to support our personal research. It was also a great opportunity to use some of our skills for our own entertainment.
Neat idea, but did you have to use robots? Why not kittens? I mean, you just handed over like $1,500 to the iRobot company. Which, despite the number of emails I've sent, the government still refuses to classify as a terrorist organization. OPEN YOUR EYES YOU BUREAUCRATIC BUTTPLUGS! Unless....OMG the government's in bed with the robots! Initializing expatriation! New Mexico here I come.
Thanks to Jonny S, mary, Jackie and Boomer, who vacuum the old fashioned way: with a shaggy dog taped to a broken tree branch.
Oct 29 2009 Uh-Oh: Another Little Running, Jumping Robot
ROPID is a little robot created by Robo Garage (burn it down with an oily rag!) whose name combines the words 'robot' and 'rapid'. Very clever. Or should I say vever? I'm gonna stick with very clever. Anyway, this is a video of ROPID showing off his moves at a press conference. He (sometimes) responds to voice commands and can run (which technically isn't running, just walking fast), dance and jump. Plus look kinda cute. There, I said it -- just because you hate something with all your heart doesn't mean you can't find it beautiful. Take Edward Cullen for example.
ROPID Can Jump And Run, Almost [botjunkie]
Thanks to partychancer, fabian, Xkrimeg, Richthegringo, Harsh and Mira, who aren't ashamed to admit they've thought about what it would be like to be with a robot romantically. Bad move, guys -- burn them at the stake!
Oct 26 2009 If You Can Watch This And Not Be Freaked Out There Is Something Wrong With You
Boston Dynamics (my arch nemesis) is at it again, this time with PETMAN, a bipedal walking robot, who, despite its name, actually hates all living creatures.
Biped robot the balances dynamically using a human-like walking motion. It is a close relative to BigDog, sharing elements of the mechanical design and control.
PETMAN is an anthropomorphic robot for testing chemical protection clothing used by the US Army. Unlike previous suit testers, which had to be supported mechanically and had a limited repertoire of motion, PETMAN will balance itself and move freely; walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics during exposure to chemical warfare agents. PETMAN will also simulate human physiology within the protective suit by controlling temperature, humidity and sweating when necessary, all to provide realistic test conditions.
Just watch and tell me that's not scary. Especially how it catches itself after being pushed at 0:25. I swear, you mount a couple machine guns on this thing, and presto, you've got yourself a real-life Terminator. Listen, Army -- you really want something to test your chemical protection suits on? I've got a whole neighborhood full of people I don't like. You think about it, I'll start marking doors.
Thanks to Tobyraider, who knows the only good walking robot is one who can't walk and isn't a robot.
Oct 24 2009 Fake, But Still Burn It With Lasers (You Never Can Be Too Safe): A Scary Dancing Robot
I'm pretty sure half the people that sent this in thought it's an actual robot, but being the astute robot slaya that I am, it wasn't hard for me to tell this is just a jackass in a robot costume. Don't get me wrong, I'd still burn that bitch like a witch (or doobie), he just doesn't pose the threat an actual robot would. Or DOES he? *pew pew!* He doesn't.
Youtube
and
Youtube (longer, 9:00 video)
Thanks to Rich the destroyer, paul, KennethJ, Ted, Mungo9000, chris, Albert, Tuggis, karrameg, Steven, hatcher, Big Bug, parking block and Wendy, who actually knew it was a person the whole time and just wanted to scare me.
Oct 17 2009 Almost Cute, Almost: A Robot In Love
This is a little video entitled 'Robot In Love' that features a little robot named Bit Beat putting the moves on his woman. I don't want to spoil it for you, but he sadly doesn't get destroyed by a powerful burning laser in the end. Just wait for the break-up, little robot, she'll get ya.
Thanks to Oscar, who has never fallen in love with a machine because automatic coffee makers don't count. What about self-cleaning litterboxes? I need a ruling.
Oct 7 2009 I'm Pirating All Her Songs Just To Spite Her: A Horribly Singing Robot
Yamaha's HRP-4C robot, best known for having pervs take pictures of its ass and modeling wedding dresses, can now sing song requests sent to it via iPhone. Impressive, Yamaha. I mean, if I DIDN'T SEE MORE IMPRESSIVE TECHNOLOGY AT CHUCK E CHEESE'S 20 YEARS AGO. Oooooh, burn! Seriously -- this thing, with fire. And while we're on the subject, somebody's dad touched my butt in the ballpit.
Hit the jump for a video of the robotic tramp singing terribly.
Continue Reading " I'm Pirating All Her Songs Just To Spite Her: A Horribly Singing Robot "
Sep 29 2009 I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer
This is a real-life Transformer (OmniZero.9, the brainchild of Takeshi Maeda) that can morph from a humanoid robot to a humanoid robot that can carry a person, to a wheeled cart. Just watch how scary it is when it moves. If I didn't know better, I'd swear there was a little person in there. But there isn't! Just wires and servos and a metallic heart of death. Which, true story, only beats for the destruction of the human race. And speaking of which: One time I competed in a three-legged race solo.
Hit the jump for a video of the robot battling another, much smaller one.
Continue Reading " I'm Not Sitting On It: Real Robotic Transformer "
Sep 18 2009 Um, No: Tandem Robo-Biker Pedals For You
Joules is a robot designed to KILL! pedal the back of a tandem bicycle. And I can honestly say I have absolutely no interest in biking down the street getting cornholed by a robot names Joules.
He's the creation of a guy called Chris who, challenged by his son to create an electric tandem that worked via pedal power, more than satisfied the brief.
The nuts-and-bolts robot is powered by a PMG-132 electric motor and, unlike most lazy-assed back-end tandem riders, does all the work himself.
Yeah but no but no. As much as I do hate pedaling myself, I'd rather walk my bike up a hill than have this jerk do the work for me. You hear that, Lance Failstrong? YOU WILL NEVER PEDAL ME!
Hit the jump for a video of the beast in action.
Continue Reading " Um, No: Tandem Robo-Biker Pedals For You "
Sep 11 2009 But I Don't Wanna Hit Him!: WALL-E Piñata
This is a custom made WALL-E piñata from Etsy seller victorof1980s. This crazy mother is trying to sell the thing for $200. $200 for something your kid is gonna beat to shit with a stick and not even remember by next year! No thanks. When my children have birthdays they get the same kind of piñata I had growing up: a grocery bag with a face drawn on the side. I remember one time I hit it so hard I dented a can of succotash! Also, all the bananas got real mushy.
wall-e pinata filled with candy, not garbage [technabob]
Thanks to naas, who hate WALL-E but loves beating things with a dowel.
Sep 11 2009 You Look Different: Is That You, R2?
This is definitely NOT the droid I'm looking for. Kidding -- come here you lovable little trashcan, you! Now hump my leg.
I've Got A Bad Feeling About This [pictureisunrelated]
Thanks to everyone who sent this in, next round at the cantina's on me. Psyche! I WILL SHOOT FIRST.
Sep 8 2009 Beep Boop Bop: R2-D2 Cookies For Sale
Well folks, the holiday weekend is over. And, as much as I'd love to go back and live every second of it all over again, my time machine is broken. And by broken I mean not finished yet. BUT SOME DAY. Anyway, here are some R2-D2 cookies made by Etsy seller SugarandFlour. $13 nets you six of the beep boop boppiest delectables this side of the galaxy. JUST DON'T EAT HIS THIRD LEG. Save that for me. Now come give Obi Geekologie-aroni some kissies you sexy little droid, you!
One more shot after the jump.
