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You Did It Wrong: Stress Ball Factory Worker Gets Fired, Punches Boss, Threatens To Get All Stabby

stress-ball-factory-worker-stabby.jpg

44-year Darren Baldwin got fired from his temporary job at a UK stress ball factory, so what did he do? What anybody in a warehouse full of stress relievers would -- punched his boss, then produced two knives and began threatening to stab him in front of the other workers. I sense some hostility.

According to prosecutor Tracy Yates, Baldwin "showed the knives to his colleague and started to shout threats like, 'I will cut you up'."


At his court appearance, Baldwin admitted to assault and was bailed on the condition he does not enter the Sycamore trading estate where the company operates.

I like how he showed the knives to a coworker first. Hey man -- sweet knives, right? I'M GONNA STAB OUR BOSS WITH 'EM. Did you hear that, Mr. McGillicutty?! I FEEL LIKE I'M A LITTLE CHUCKY DOLL RIGHT NOW. I'm sorry, but nobody should be threatening to stab somebody in a stress ball factory. That's like a worker going hungry at the Little Debbie plant.

Thanks to Mnemosyne, who knows a therapist who always starts bawling at her patient's stories and winds up asking for hugs.

There are Comments.
  • Alfred

    According to prosecutor Tracy Yates, Baldwin "showed the knives to his colleague and started to shout threats like, it is very bad think, nobody like it.

  • Brant_Alan

    After receiving a warrant to search the assailants apartment, police say the man may be "obsessed" with knives after finding an entire drawer of them near what police are now also calling his collection of "miniature devil tridents and eye removal scoopers."

  • Clearly insane, but you could also say he's... ballsy.

  • Idlethoughts

    I'm surprised you left this out, "The knives were reportedly tools of Baldwin's trade at the warehouse." Why is that a trade at a stress ball warehouse, were they all out of box-cutters or something?

  • Stress balls now with more knives!

  • Idlethoughts

    This story is already more ironic and funny than any joke I can make about it.

  • Idlethoughts

    Why do I keep getting spam replies, all I wanted was to make people chuckle a little and not be wrong about things; Why has that brought this fate down upon me? Why?!
    Edit: Spams gone, thanks for taking care of that.

  • jay h

    Unfortunately employees at this particular factory do not receive discounts on merchandise.

  • Lee

    Who the hell says: 'I will cut you up'
    44 Years old or otherwise sounds like this dude was having 'his' time of the month.
    Insanity plea!!!

  • luxlucetintenebris

    He sounds pretty unstable!

  • Kevin

    Certainly doesn't bode well for the effectiveness of their product. BAD PR.

  • ibarra

    haha.

    also, i like that you didn't include dialogue in this post.

  • According to prosecutor Tracy Yates, Baldwin "showed the knives to his colleague and started to shout threats like, ... http://www.Makeyourfuture69dol...

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