Pet Tortoise Found Alive In Locked Storage After 30 Years

Seen here looking pissed as hell, Manuela the red-footed tortoise reluctantly poses for a picture after having gone missing from the Almeida family residence in 1982. Turns out they'd just accidentally locked her in a storage room on the second story of their house for the last 30 years! That, wow, that's just terrible caretaking. Even most pet rocks wouldn't survive that.
...it seems Manuela was hanging out for 30 years in the upstairs storeroom where Leonel Almeida, the father, kept all sorts of old junk he hadn't gotten around to fixing up.
When Leonel died earlier this month, Leandro and his siblings decided to clean out the storeroom, and that's how Manuela came to be by the curb.According to veterinary scientist Jeferson Pires, tortoises like Manuela are remarkably resilient creatures, and can survive two to three years without eating anything. While they typically subsist on an omnivore's diet in the wild, the Almeidas think Manuela got by on termites.
Granted I didn't know some tortoises can go two or three years without eating anything, but what about drinking? Was there some water supply in the room? Did the family never hear her crawling around up there and open the room to check for ghosts? When reached for comment, Manuela the tortoise had this to say, "F*** you guys, let me outside."
Thanks to Hornito, who found his missing hamster after eight years. Wait -- I thought hamsters only live like two? Oh -- oooooh, I'm sorry man.
-
Because there's nothing safer than mixing vodka and pills (or heavy machinery), the Ruskie imbibeable (word wizardry!) may soon be available in powdered/pill form. Look out, Pixie Stix! (Picture unrelated, liquid vodka in gel-tabs). Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint ... / Continue →
-
The Bowlingual Voice bark translator translates a dog's barks into words a human can understand. Words like, "I'm about to pee on the carpet!" Developed by Takara Tomy, a Japanese toy company, this little gadget is supposed to translate your dog's feelings into words you ... / Continue →
-
This is a commercial for LG's new 21:9 UltraWide monitor that's allegedly so lifelike that if it plays a video of some chicks looking at you while you're trying to pee it makes it super hard to open your floodgates. Presumably the guys all knew they were being filmed because r... / Continue →

