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Sea World Gone Wrong: Ukrainian Navy Training Killer Dolphins With Guns/Knives Attached To Their Heads

October 15, 2012 / animals, battle sharks!, dolphins, guns, how long until the first dolphin related stabbing death?, i've heard it all now, knives, lolwut?, military, navy, okaaaaaaaay, sea life, smart thinking, so it's come to this, that sea turtle is a spy -- attaaaaack!, wow, yeah you are

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So apparently the Ukrainian navy is training dolphins for combat by attaching guns and knives to their heads to attack enemies. Wait -- the Ukraine has a navy?

The program reportedly includes training dolphins to search for mines and marking them with buoys. But Ukraine also plans to train the dolphins "to attack enemy combat swimmers using special knives or pistols fixed to their heads," according to RIA Novosti. A source inside the Ukrainian navy told the agency that the exercises, which are being conducted at the state oceanarium in Sevastopol, are "counter-combat swimmer tasks in order to defend ships in port and on raids."

In other news, the Polish navy has been unsuccessfully trying to train goldfish to breath outside of water. :(

Thanks to Devish, who heard dumping hungry sharks in the area is their back-up plan. And a solid one if I do say so myself.

There are Comments
  • ZomBBombeR

    If the dolphins are really smart as they say, they'll gratiously accept the weapons and training they've recieved and then turn around and fuck us like the taliban did lol

  • We should train chimps to rip off the penises of terrorists. Just their penises.

  • DeksamTorrac

    In WW2 the US Navy did a similar thing with mines attached to the dolphins head, in training they would get a fish treat for bumping their head on the hull of a target boat or U-boat, in the real application of war however their reward was much less then the dolphin was expecting! There was a movie made about this type of weapon in the 70s called Day Of The Dolphin.

  • jimmy

    See, dolphins aren't so smart after all!

  • BillGatesIsYourDaddy

    neither is the OP

  • Guest

    In WW2 the US Navy did a similar thing with mines attached to the dolphins head, in training they would get a fish treat for bumping their head on the hull of a target boat or U-boat, in the real application of war. However their reward was much less then the dolphin was expecting! There was a movie made about this type of weapon in the 70s called Day Of The Dolphin.

  • jimmy

    im sure ive read this somewhere before..

  • Guest

    In WW2 the US Navy did a similar thing with mines attached to the dolphins head, in training they would get a fish treat for bumping their head on the hull of a target boat or U-boat, in the real application of war, however their reward was much less then the dolphin was expecting! There was a movie made about this type of weapon in the 70s called Day Of The Dolphin.

  • jimmy

    okay, we get the point

  • Mark Pilkington, vindicated yet again!

  • Frag Monger

    Dolphins? Nah. We want sharks with fricken laser beams attached to their heads!

  • JJtoob

    I guess dolphins are a bit easier to train than sharks.

  • Let's not forget to include the rocket launchers!

  • DaveMauri

    Not cool, I think we've all seen that episode of the Simpsons.

  • Bond villains will be proud the world over.

  • LonnieNuemonic

    yay

  • rikster81

    GW, this is nothing new here in the US we've used dolphins for spying, if anything they one up us.

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