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Scientists Close To Proof Of Higgs Boson 'God' Particle

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According to entirely untrustworthy sources, scientists at CERN's Large Hadron Collider are close to proving the existence of the Higgs Boson, aka 'God' particle, the elusive bit of matter responsible for providing objects with mass. Alternatively, they might be even closer to creating a massive black hole and swallowing the entire Milky Way. IMPRESSIVE! (One time I tried downing a Snickers without chewing and nearly choked to death)

"ATLAs sees a small excess at a Higgs mass of 126 GeV [Giga electron volts] coming from 3 channels," CERN scientists wrote on Twitter. Put simply, the scientists have greatly narrowed the area they are studying in the hunt for the Higgs Boson.


But Fabiola Gianotti, the scientist in charge of the ATLAS experiment at the Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, said the signal they have detected may or may not be the Higgs.

"I think it would be extremely kind of the Higgs boson to be here," she said during the seminar. "But it is too early" for final conclusions, she said. "More studies and more data are needed. The next few months will be very exciting ... I don't know what the conclusions will be."

Okay so I have zero clue what any of that meant, but that's not what's important. What IS important is destroying the Large Hadron Collider before they find God's particle. Have you scientists every considered maybe he doesn't want it found? Shouldn't we at least wait until 'MISSING PARTICLE' signs start appearing on light poles? "What the -- you just want to see if there's a reward." ETERNAL LIFE WILL BE MINE!

Scientists Close in on 'God Particle' [foxnews]

Thanks to Regular Josh, tetriz, Mark and Amber, who agree you don't go looking for a lost dog until you actually know it's lost, and the same should apply to particles. Amen to that! (Plus bonus God tie-in)

There are Comments.
  • grimbldoo

    The Higgs Boson is the particle that gives everything mass. It will not cause a black hole and I have no idea why the heck they called it the "God" particle, I think that they could have choseb a more fitting name 

  • Ian Norton

    The nickname was supposed to be the "Goddamn particle".

  • grimbldoo

    'Cause is so damn hard to find

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  • petitemorte

    The world is ending. Start hugging kittens and shagging the homeless now (what, you don't think the homeless deserve to enjoy a happy moment before it all ends?  Stop being selfish).

  • megaluis15

    "scientists at CERN's Large Hadron Collider are close to proving the existence of the Higgs Boson, aka 'God' particle"

    weren't they 'close' a year ago too?

  • westmclarenmerc

    ''Alternatively, they might be even closer to creating a massive black hole and swallowing the entire Milky Way''

    Clearly GW has no clue of what he is taling about...

    YES the LHC is capable of creating a black hole, though a extremely small, dissipates in a fraction of a second, and in no way strong enough to cause any harm what so ever.

    So stop being a doomsday thinker, 2012 is going to happen, as in, just another boring year that will pass by followed by 2013, 2014, etc. etc.

    (And if there is a small chance that I am wrong, and the world is going to end in 2012, you cant tell me that you told me so, because we'd all be dead, I can only prove you wrong WHEN it doesn't happen, and it wont happen I tell you)

    I used to rule the internet, but then I got a girlfriend who shot me in the knee with an arrow.

  • I thought that saying "i took an arrow to the knee" was funny for 10 seconds, then i took an arrow in the knee.

  • Sinzz

    So 2012 is real! :(

  • Interesting.

  • I came pretty close myself, until I took an arrow in the knee.

  • I thought that saying "i took an arrow to the knee" was funny for 10 seconds, then i took an arrow in the knee.

  • LOL GW tried to give head to snickers bar.

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