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Pull Over, That Ass Too Fat, Woop Woop!: Anti-Theft Butt Cheek Recognition Car Seats

butt-cheek-recognition.jpg

Because ass cheeks are like snowflakes and melt on your tongue no two are alike, Japanese researchers have developed a biometric car seat that uses 360 sensors to measure your unique ass pressure to verify the driver's identity. No word what happens if you fart during a reading, but my guess is stink pretty bad unless you have the windows down.

Each sensor is measuring pressure by its own and sends the information to a laptop, which aggregates the information to show key data like the highest value of pressure, area of contact on the seat (see below), and other factors. According to its makers, the system was able to identify drivers with 98% accuracy during experiments.

The biometric chairs could see commercialization (hopefully in the form of ejector seats!) in as little as two to three years, which, I dunno, just seems like another thing to break. Great, my biometric ass cheek reader is broken, now I can't even get to work. "I thought you worked from home." Shhhhhhhh!

To Prevent Theft: Car Seat Identifies Drivers Sitting Down [techcrunch]

Thanks to bb, whose car fell in love cause her assprint was so damn fine. Mine? Mine broke down on the highway.

There are Comments.
  • dont all parents let their children drive when they have there drivers license? how would that work?

  • Guest

    Butt Recognition....security of the future.

  • Stephen Dias

    I sit on jackets in my truck how does this work?

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  • What happens if you lose weight? O_o

  • The Magnificent Newtboy

    I would weep with joy...

  • weaselmouse

    This seems silly. It would mean no one else, not even family, could drive your car unless you registered their ass into the database. Also, no valet parking allowed. HAHA. And the thief could easily rip out the seat before/after stealing.

    Is the seat supposed to electroshock the ass that doesn't fit? Is it supposed to sound an alarm to alert the authorities that an unknown ass is sitting on it?

    This looks like an excellent device...for the paranoid.

  • I always hoped the future would include such cool security measures as retinal IDs and even voice verification ... not ass recognition.

  • sdgh

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  • Wow! How stupid and pointless is that?

  • what if theres a siamese twin driving?

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