Free Sample Vending Machine Doesn't Serve To Kids

Kraft Foods, best known for the mac & cheese you start making when you get home drunk and then pass out halfway through and wake up to a kitchen fire, is rolling out a vending machine that dispenses free samples BUT ONLY TO ADULTS. Like this Japanese vending machine, it uses facial recognition software to determine if you're over a certain age (18?), and will let you choose a Jell-O flavor if you are. If you're not? It publicly humiliates you. Go suckle your mother's teat, babyface!

The current offer is for Temptations by Jell-O, the brand's first product designed specifically for adults. The machine is equipped with technology to determine the age of the person requesting a sample. If the machine senses a child, a panel lights up with the words, "Sorry, kid. You're too young to experience indulgence like this. Please step away so the adults can get their free treat.

Wow, really? "Please step away so the adults can get their free treat." Way to make unsuspecting children feel like criminals. Besides, whatever happened to the old lady with the hairnet passing out the free samples? She used to even let me have seconds. "She died." YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Kraft machine scans faces, gives Jell-O samples only to adults [latimes]

Thanks to LeftRightLeft, who looks young but doesn't want a pudding cup with a f***ing Jell-O rose on it anyways. THAT SHIT'S FOR LONELY CAT LADIES.

• Kind Of Questionable: PS3 'Kids' Commercial

  February 17, 2011

  This is a fan-made commercial by 29-year-old Ben McCambridge (who spent $6K of his own money to create it) for the PS3 called 'Kids'. It shows young children cast in the following roles to demonstrate all the fantasy-fun to be had playing video games: 1. Middle school bully ... / Continue →
• In Other Booze News: Smart Kids Are More Likely To Grow Up To Be Heavy Drinkers

  November 2, 2010

  You can tell that kid's an exception and not the rule because the beer comes out the side on those lil' mini-kegs. And I must be the same because I was dumb as hell as a child but now I'm a hellaboozehound. RIDDLE ME THAT, "SCIENCE"! Blame life? That's what I've been doing!... / Continue →
• Over My Dead Body: Robot Child Nominated To Carry The Olympic Torch In 2012 Games

  September 21, 2011

  NOTE: No, I didn't paint the eyebrows and mouth on in Photoshop, the creepy little f***er actually looks like that. Aberystwyth University (which, based on the name, probably teaches witchcraft) computer science professor James Law (hey -- you're not above it, bro!) has nomina... / Continue →