The New 3-D: Kinetic Movie Theater Seating
You know what the problem with a lot of movies coming out is? THEY BLOW. They were poorly written, grossly over-marketed, and suck nards. Not because they aren't watched in seats that move. But has that stopped D-Box (D-Bag's cardboard older brother) from developing 'kinetic motion theater chairs' to jiggle your ass when there's an explosion on screen? Sadly, it did not. Per Roger Ebert, who was clearly paid off or owns a stake in the company:
D-BOX Motion Code [technology] uses motion effects specifically programmed for each film, TV series or video game, which are sent to a motion generating system integrated within either a platform or a seat. The resulting motion is perfectly synchronized with all onscreen action, creating an unmatched realistic immersive experience.
Great, so not only am I gonna be pissed the movie sucked, but I'm gonna leave with motion sickness. God, whatever happened to making movies that don't rely on 3-D or some other shticky bullshit to be enjoyable? I miss those days. If I had a time machine I'd go back to then and see Nirvana in concert.
Thanks to Lucius, who likes his movie seats how he likes his fancy paper: stationary. Also, who had a birthday last night so today's writing is all his fault. GOD, YOU JUST HAD TO GET OLDER.