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Roswell Incident Actually A Soviet Attempt To Mind#$@% U.S.: You Can't Handle The Truth!

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I'm sure this is all bullshit but it's fun to think about anyways. Unless you're locked in a house with a guy who grows pot for a living and he's talking nonstop about wack-ass government conspiracies, then it gets less fun and more "I've got to get the f*** out of here!" That's actually happened to me before. It took a house key to get in OR out. I found myself crying in the bathroom at one point because he confiscated my cell phone as soon as I walked in. Anyway, the Roswell incident was planned by the Ruskies to frighten the U.S. and was perpetrated using a state-of-the-art hovercraft and children who had been genetically and surgically altered to look like little aliens. Wait, WHAT?!?!

Jacobsen tells sources who revealed that not only did one of these flying craft crash in the U.S. in '47, but the Hortens were involved, the flying "saucer" had hover-and-fly capabilities unheard of in any aircraft of the day, and contained two surprise pilots: children believed to be about 13.


And from where did these young pilots come? Not from space.

"The child-sized aviators in this craft were the result of a Soviet human experimentation program," Jacobsen said, making a point that this was information from an eye-witness source and one she trusts completely, "and they had been made to look like aliens à la Orson Welles' War of the Worlds" using "genetic and surgical" procedures.

What's worse: that's not even why Area 51 is classified. As in, Soviet-modified children-turned-alien-pilots who crash landed in a saucer isn't atrocious enough. It's secret because apparently American officials saw these tests and decided to conduct human experiments of their own.

DAMN! Somebody get Obama on the phone, I wantanswers! Hello, Mr. President? "BEEP BOOP BEEP -- We're sorry, your call cannot be completed at this time." OMG -- this goes even deeper than I thought.

Area 51 insider: Roswell UFO a Soviet mission to panic U.S. [dvice] (with a ton more info, all of which may or may yes be to sell books)

Thanks to Greg M., who said it best: "What. the. f***?"

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