Wear A Belt, Dummy!: Beer Thief Fail

You're never gonna fly if you don't spread your wings!

Seen here mid-bellyflop, a beer thief prepares to shotgun two cases of Bud Light cans with his chest. HARDCORE, BRO!

The incident happened around 6:37pm on Wednesday at the E-Z Food Store, located at 15 Acuff Road in Lake Wales

Polk County Sheriff's detectives said the suspect got out of the front passenger side of a black Chevy Lumina, with tinted windows and no tag, and walked into the store.

The video then shows him running out of the store with two cases of Bud Light beer. The suspect tripped, fell, lost his pants and then dropped the beer. He then jumped into the backseat of a vehicle and fled the scene.

First of all, if a tinted car with no tags pulls into my convenience store and parks idling by the exit I AM HITTING THE PANIC BUTTON. And, if they somehow do manage to breach my defenses, I keep a cyanide capsule in the register.

Hit the jump for a video of the 'we can always steal some from my parents' liquor cabinet if we fill it back up with water'.

Beer Thief Trips, Loses Pants On Camera [wtfv] [wftv]
and
Youtube

Thanks to neolardo, who once chugged two forties in the back of a 7-11 by the Slurpee machine without being seen. Hoho, we've got a ninja in our presence! *bowing*

• Blasphemy!: Russia Reclassifies Beer As 'Alcoholic', No Longer Considered Food

  July 22, 2011

  Because the man is always trying to get a boozehound down, Russia has classified beer as alcohol instead of food, despite the fact I practically live off the stuff. Well, that, and the scorched flesh of my enemies (I'm an alcoholic dragon). Until now anything containing less ... / Continue →
• Suck It, Bud Light!: Best Beer Commercial Ever

  June 8, 2011

  This is the best beer commercial ever (SET TO THE NIGHT RIDER THEME!) coming to us all the way from Hahn Brewery, Australia. It features an overview of their brewing process from beginning to end, which, from what I could gather, is almost identical to the preparation of my fa... / Continue →
• Space Beer: For Out Of This World Drankin'

  March 4, 2011

  Hrey whas this brutton do? Space beer, not to be confused with beer made with ingredients grown in space, is beer designed to be consumed in space by future space-tourists. Why does space deserve it's own beer? I dunno, but I'm getting pretty jealous about it! The reason wh... / Continue →