I Will Not Be Outbid!: For Sale, Severed Head Of The Patron Saint Of Venereal Diseases
Severed head? Now that's a VD!
In other anatomical news, this is allegedly the skull of Saint Vitalis of Assisi (hoho, your mom was a namby pamby!), the patron saint of venereal diseases. It's going up for auction soon and I'm going to buy it. Theeeeeeeen wear it around my neck as a talisman to ward off wiener warts. Did I mention in comes in a custom Queen Anne display case? 17th-century craftsmanship, just sayin'!
St Vitalis was born in Umbria, Italy, and is said to have lived an immoral and licentious youth.
In an attempt to atone for his early sins, he later undertook pilgrimages to shrines throughout Europe, eventually entering the Benedictine monastery at Subiaco.
It is said that he wore only rags and shunned all material wealth, with the exception of a basket which he used to fetch water from a nearby stream.
He died in 1370, and word of his sanctity soon spread due to reports of numerous miracles performed on those with bladder and genital disorders.
Wow, of all the miracles I'd like to perform I can honestly say none involve genital disorders. Sure one might involve turning a tiny-ass wiener into something that drags behind me when I walk, BUT THAT IS IT.
Thanks to sean, who allegedly has the head of the patron saint of video games resting on top of his X-Box. Yeaaaaaah, I wouldn't want that staring at me when I'm trying to play.