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Suck It, Prohibition!: Sweet Beer-Brewing Kit

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If you're like me you make gin in the bathtub. It does the trick, but more often than not you end up with a bottle with pubes and a washcloth in it. Plus it tastes like apricot facial scrub. Enter the $1,900 Synergy Home Beer Brewing System. It's not your granpappy's moonshine still!

It offers no-nonsense looks thanks to professional TIG welded, 304 stainless steel construction, and features swiveling, lockable casters, an FDA-approved lower shelf for pumps and chillers, two 155,000 BTU propane burners with separate controls, a mash tun, hot liquor tank, and a boil kettle -- all the tools you need to create pro-quality beer, conveniently placed on four wheels.

Plus -- PLUS -- it looks like a meth lab so when your inlaws come to visit you can stay up the night before so you look all cracked out and when they get there mumble about "getting mixed up with the wrong group of people". Then, in their daughter's best interest, they'll call the police on you. When the po-po arrive you can just explain it's a beer-brewing kit and you were playing a trick on your inlaws because you hate their guts. After having a good laugh, the cops will notice a half-smoked joint in an ashtray and nail your ass to the wall. Unless you live here in LA, in which case THAT SHIT'S LEGAL AND YOU CAN FINISH IT ON THE COUCH WHILE THEY LET THEMSELVES OUT.

Product Site (on Etsy!)
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Synergy Home Beer Brewing System [uncrate]

Thanks to Chris, who makes beer the old fashioned way: he doesn't. He goes to 7-11, drops a six-pack of cans on the floor, and then asks the cashier if he can get some sort of scratch-and-dent discount.

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