Mar 29 2011Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness: THE MACHETE-SHOOTING SLINGSHOT!!
This is a machete-shooting slingshot. Or you could call it a crossbow. Just don't call it a catapult or you might wind up with a machete in your gut. From a general standpoint, it's badass, but from a zombie-apocalypse standpoint it's really not that practical because:
1. it's like six-feet long, making it fairly awkward to tote around during an emergency situation (still not sure what I'm gonna do about my penis)
2. load-time takes several seconds, making it a poor choice for fighting off groups and probably only useful for taking out those antisocial "loner" zombies and/or maiming people running faster than you
3. ammo is super-expensive unless
4. you retrieve every machete after a kill in which case that's a whole lot of pulling machetes out of corpses.
Which brings me to my personal weapon of choice: a sword tied to a rope. Here, I'll demonstrate. You just duck a little bit and then swing it around at neck level like so. See? "That's not a sword, that's a Wiffle-Ball bat." OH I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T REALIZE YOU WANTED THE FULL ZOMBIE TREATMENT. "Your mom won't let have a real sword, will she?" Not until the neighbors are all zombies, no.
Video after the jump, actual shooting goes down at 1:37 and 2:30 if you just want to see the action.
Thanks to Chris, who just prepared for the apocalypse by taping two steak-knives to opposite ends of a broomstick. Killer, brah.
Reader Comments
1. JCD - March 29, 2011 2:54 PM
FIRST
2. Rancid Dook - March 29, 2011 2:56 PM
Carpeta de argollas!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. Jonathan - March 29, 2011 2:58 PM
Wow, yeah... this definitely wouldn't be my first choice of weapon to fight off the zombie horde.
Now, a slingshot/crossbow that shoots FLAMING CHAINSAWS... now we're talkin'!
4. Shelbon - March 29, 2011 3:01 PM
You would be better off just throwing the damn thing or using it as a sword. Unless you're only fighting cardboard zombies that stay about 1-2 feet away, this is useless
5. Ryan - March 29, 2011 3:01 PM
Cut himself at 3:06. Shocked.
6. .phil - March 29, 2011 3:03 PM
i like how i could hear he's german
i kinda like our accent ;-)
and of course it's beautiful hobby
7. Rancid Dook - March 29, 2011 3:04 PM
This could be greatly improved upon by crossbreeding the concept with a harpoon. That and taking measures to reduce the reload process. Or this could be a secondary firing mechanism mounted on a huge shotgun or something...
8. Christopher - March 29, 2011 3:50 PM
All good ideas so far. Let's combine them to make a harpoon gun that shoots flaming tampons (chainsaws are fine but by using tampons we can call it the TAMPOON) at cardboard people saying "first" in German while we cut ourselves.
9. Jonathan - March 29, 2011 3:52 PM
@8: You forgot the part with the poop.
10. William Zabka - March 29, 2011 3:57 PM
I think the real zombie killer is that Esprit shirt that dude is sporting. He is killing them with his fashion sense.
11. Christopher - March 29, 2011 4:02 PM
I'm glad I refreshed before closing this window - thanks for the reminder. All advertising for our Tampoon 2000 will feature someone pooping in the background. Jonathan gets dibs since he reminded me, but if he passes it is a free-for-all.
12. Rancid Dook - March 29, 2011 4:10 PM
@11 and 9: I'm really digging this idea. Tampons would definitly be a much more available ammo supply then machetes. I must say I disagree with using such advanced weaponry on cardboard. Think of the possiblities against zombie. Cleaner kills. The tampons would absorb quite a bit of zombie blood upon entering and exit the corpse thus minimalizing the spread of infection from splatter.
13. TetterkeT - March 29, 2011 4:11 PM
Goodbye arm. It's only a matter of time.
14. cyberslackz - March 29, 2011 4:30 PM
I will always love you Mika...unconditionally ....<3 <3 <3 11:11
15. navin - March 29, 2011 4:32 PM
sweet ESPRIT shirt, ya tool.
16. Jonathan - March 29, 2011 4:39 PM
@12: See, now you're starting to tread into the dangerous waters of continuity. The ability for the disease to spread through splash damage varies depending on the series and what kind of zombies you're dealing with. Granted regardless of the details, it would still be the obvious choice for sanitation reasons -- the weapon of choice for the OCD germophobes.
17. Rancid Dook - March 29, 2011 5:02 PM
Man i dont even know what esprit is....
@16 I'm feeling a series of different zombie killing weapons befitting to one's individual personality type is in order...
18. Espirit - March 29, 2011 5:37 PM
ESPRIT T-shirt?? What a h'mo!
19. real - March 29, 2011 6:14 PM
Plump!
20. ben johnson - March 29, 2011 6:31 PM
i liked the birds singing
21. Mcmudkip - March 29, 2011 11:15 PM
@21 fffuuukkkk!!! Get out of here !!
22. Agent 319 - March 30, 2011 8:12 AM
I love the ESPRIT shirt. Hey the women of the nineties called. They want their shirt back.
23. dfygjh - March 30, 2011 10:06 AM
http://0845.com/J50
I tide fashion
Good-looking, not expensive
Free transport
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
24. chicgoods - March 30, 2011 10:43 AM
Wonderful.
Share a website with you ,
put this url in google sirch
( http://www.chic-goods.com/ )
Believe you will love it.
We accept any form of payment.
25. Poultron - March 30, 2011 12:01 PM
Damn it, he said to leave it to the experts. Or the super-experts (wtf?). Now I'll never get one... But what happens if you miss?
26. texus rhed - March 30, 2011 12:42 PM
Hkw do i follow this guy on the facebook? Gimme a name or a link please
27. unphazed - March 30, 2011 2:06 PM
He said "stupid experts", no super. Wish he had videotaped that Fail... although it didn't look very bad, mostly a scratch.
28. aaa - March 30, 2011 5:00 PM
absolutely unuseful thing
29. Justin - March 31, 2011 7:12 AM
I wonder if the slingshot channel is available on Comcast?
-Justin-
balance bike
30. ghertrudis uruchurtu - March 31, 2011 1:08 PM
hahaahaha whats with your zombie killing inventions... they are no way useful in a zombie apocalypse
31. paul isayev - April 1, 2011 12:22 AM
isnt it a lot simpler to just learn to throw a machete than attempt to build this cluster*#&$ machine which will eventually probably end up destroying you