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Nintendo Says Children Under Six Shouldn't Play 3DS For Fear Of Melting Their Eyeballs

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Nintendo has released a list of guidelines to accompany playing the 3-D model of their DS gaming system, and among them is children under six shouldn't play the system at all. You know, since their eyes are still developing and Nintendo doesn't want them to pop out of their heads or something. *calling lawyer* Hello, Mr. Cochran? It's me again. I know you told me to stop calling, but listen -- I want to sue James Cameron. Yeah, I took my little sister to see Avatar and now she has a lazy eye. DAMMIT JOHNNY, SHE HAS TO WEAR A PATCH! The guidelines:

  • Quicker eye fatigue as a result of viewing 3D
  • Some 3D software can cause eyes to become tired quicker than other software
  • Nintendo recommends players take a break after 30 minutes of play
  • "If your physical condition worsens or you become ill, please stop playing at once"
  • 3D has different effects on different people
  • 3D slider allows a wider group of people to enjoy the system
  • 3D not recommended for children under the age of six as the vision of young children is still in developmental stages (like 3D movies and television)
  • "Since the Nintendo 3DS can be changed to 2D to avoid any effects on young children's vision, it is possible for anyone to enjoy playing it"
  • Once again, there will be parental controls for 3D

As a general rule, the worse something is for you long-term, the better it feels short-term. So obviously this 3DS system is gonna be the shit. I mean, if it can actually ruin kids' eyesight? Look out, masturbating!

Nintendo Warns Of Potential Health Issues For 3DS Users [geektyrant]

Thanks to Argh, Michelle and The Superficial Writer, who all agree this will stop less than 15% of parents from letting their little brats play the thing in 3-D.

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