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CALL ME WHEN YOU HAVE A DINOSAUR: Scientists Promise Woolly Mammoth Cloning

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Thanks to a new breakthrough in cloning technology, scientists are claiming we could have real-life woolly mammoths lumbering around Jurassic Pleistocene Parks in as little as four years. Really? THEN CUT THE CRAP AND GIVE ME A DINO ALREADY YOU WOOLLY WANKERS.

Previous efforts in the 1990s to recover nuclei in cells from the skin and muscle tissue from mammoths found in the Siberian permafrost failed because they had been too badly damaged by the extreme cold.


But a technique pioneered in 2008 by Dr. Teruhiko Wakayama, of the Riken Centre for Developmental Biology, was successful in cloning a mouse from the cells of another mouse that had been frozen for 16 years.

Now that hurdle has been overcome, Akira Iritani, a professor at Kyoto University, is reactivating his campaign to resurrect the species that died out 5,000 years ago.

He intends to use Dr Wakayama's technique to identify the nuclei of viable mammoth cells before extracting the healthy ones.

After scoring a viable nuclei, they just inject that sucker into the egg of an African elephant, slap the whole thing up its vaj and, 600-days of gestation(!!!!!!!!111) later, a woolly mammoth plops out! Simple as that (just grosser to watch). Just sayin', you ever seen an elephant give birth before? Like the biggest vagina you've ever seen blowing a bubble. (VIDEO IS PUKEY AS HELL -- YOU'VE BEEN WARNED)

Mammoth 'could be reborn in four years' [telegraph]

Thanks to Eric, Mr. Sausage, antoine, Riku, Emma, TB-303 and BritNY, who question why scientists even want to clone a woolly mammoth considering you could just, oh I don't know, GLUE A SHAG RUG TO AN ELEPHANT.

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