Dec 31 2010For The Elderly: A Million Volt Taser Cane
The elderly: they're brittle. If a mugger swings a sockful of nickels at one 9 times out of 5 they're gonna break something. Worried about the safety of your pop-pop and meemaw? Get 'em a taser cane. Me? I'm holding out for a flask AND taser cane. I'm tasin' errbody out here!
Steady yourself, light your way and be ready to protect yourself if needed! This ZAP Stun Cane features an adjustable walking cane, an ultra-bright LED flashlight and a stun gun with an unheard of 1-million volt charge that will knock down any attacker. The cane has a weight capacity of 250 lbs and is adjustable from 32" to 36". They'll think it is just a cane until it is too late! It is even rechargeable and includes a wall charger and carrying case.
Note: This item cannot ship to HI, MA, MI, NJ, NY, RI, WI, PA.
If your state appeared in the list above your local government basically hates old people and wants them all to die. Sorry, that's just the facts. Also, I won't ever need a cane because my penis acts as an extra leg. Also, as Hamlet in a local theater production. Classically trained wiener over here!
Product Site
via
Million-volt cane helps you walk while knocking others to the ground [dvice]
Thanks to Mickey91, who once taser-caned a urine puddle in the men's rest room and sent five dudes to the hospital with charred taints and smoldering pubes. LOLWUT?!
Reader Comments
1. 1 - December 31, 2010 2:09 PM
first
2. Grave-Xp - December 31, 2010 2:18 PM
Only a million? that sux, wouldnt kill a fly with that....Burn
3. naas - December 31, 2010 2:22 PM
awesome... let's test it's effects on @1
4. Grave-Xp - December 31, 2010 2:29 PM
yeh just because his name is ''1'' we gonna test it on you ''#1'' :)
5. vendetta - December 31, 2010 2:37 PM
Most tasers have 150,000 - 500,000 volts, wouldn't a million kill them?
6. java - December 31, 2010 2:42 PM
WTF>>> 250 pounds?!?! How is an old ass person even going to be able to pick that bad boy up, let alone swing it out and taser someone. Thats gotta be a typo.
7. Um........... - December 31, 2010 2:55 PM
@6 ... you're joking, right? It doesn't WEIGH 250 lbs. It has a weight CAPACITY of 250 lbs.
8. The Dude - December 31, 2010 2:55 PM
@5:
Volts aren't really deadly. Static shock is around 15,000 volts, and your outlet in your home only puts out 120 volts. What makes it deadly is the frequency, which for example your house runs at 60hz. This frequency is close to that of your heart, and can disrupt your heart's rhythm and shut it down.
Another big killer is the amperage of the current flowing through you. It takes less than 1/10th of an amp to kill you.
9. jumpin_j - December 31, 2010 3:25 PM
They DON'T ship to NY. That proves it, the terrorists win.
10. iMugBabies - December 31, 2010 5:12 PM
All you gotta do is shove it up someones ass and let the sparks fly baby!!!!
11. andywho - December 31, 2010 5:30 PM
did anybody notice that the Link to dvice in the post links to the Bed Intruder Song? good song, GW, but irrelevant to tasers. lol
12. Luke Skywalker - December 31, 2010 8:12 PM
Great! They are getting closer to the light saber.
13. Helmut the cat - January 1, 2011 2:34 AM
You're the lamest super hero ever Captain Hero
14. Louis - January 1, 2011 6:59 PM
I can't think of a time when I haven't wanted/needed this.
Louis of http://aprettyage.blogspot.com/
15. Peter Pedro - January 2, 2011 1:36 PM
Taser will be someday the most deadly weapon ever seen.
16. andres - January 2, 2011 9:27 PM
@8
damnit, you were so close. voltage and amperage are the important factors. low voltage doesnt kill because your skin has such a high resistance it doesnt have the ability to complete the circuit with enough amperage behind it. the higher the voltage, the more amperage can pass and thats why higher voltages are dangerous. higher voltages at low enough amperages will hurt like a bitch but (probably) wont kill you. frequency plays a role, but its generally negligible unless you're talking about ultra-high frequencies, not the hectohertz to kilohertz range that a taser puts out. inb4 learn 2 electricity.
17. yow yow! - January 3, 2011 2:01 PM
looooove that classically trained wien, gw!