Nov 8 2010You're Cooking My Meat!: New Study (NEW?!) Shows Laptop Use Might Be Frying Your Nuts
The last thing I need is any more children running around. Shoot, I don't even want any more children laying around. Enter a recent study published in the Fertility and Sterility journal about laptops cooking dudes' nuts. *high-five* I WAS MADE TO BE A BLOGGER DAMMIT, NOT A BABY MAKER.
Dr. Yefim Sheynkin, a urologist at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, who led the new study, said:
"Millions and millions of men are using laptops now, especially those in the reproductive age range. Within 10 or 15 minutes their scrotal temperature is already above what we consider safe."But according to Dr. Sheynkin, men don't feel the rise in temperature. Also, Sheynkin says that there is little that man can do to lower the temperatures, besides placing the laptop on a desk instead of their laps.
Sheynkin says that the heat from the computer isn't the only problem. When you place a computer on your lap, you typically sit with your legs together. This body heat also helps to "cook" your testicles.
Awesome, so I've been cooking my privates every day for well over three years now. Also, other peoples'. Hanniballs Lector style, yo!
Men, Your Laptop Could be Cooking Your Testicles [indyposted]
Thanks to comfort eagle, who can't type without hunt and pecking. Get it? Because he's a bird, moron.
Reader Comments
1. oooouch - November 8, 2010 6:55 PM
OOUCHIE
2. sobe3694 - November 8, 2010 6:57 PM
as sonn as i read this i put my laptop on the floor.
3. Yotsuba - November 8, 2010 7:00 PM
What about hot tubs then?
4. McFeely Smackup - November 8, 2010 7:05 PM
Dr. Yefim Sheynkin might have spent a few minutes with google and found that this same study has been done MANY times before...the first search result was from 2004.
5. NITTIn - November 8, 2010 7:10 PM
Well fuck my ass and call me Jimmy. I remember literally feeling my nuts burn every time my laptop was on my lap. I figured something was going down but never looked into it....
6. Dishy - November 8, 2010 7:36 PM
Churches will now declare laptopping to be a sin. Burn your balls, burn in hell. Burn baby burn.
7. http://www.ConfessionsOfAManwhore.com - November 8, 2010 8:14 PM
A study was done a while back, guys put their nuts in higher temperature (not scalding) water and they were rendered sterile for 24 hours.
So feel free to bareback those beotches and shoot it wherever you want. Just make sure to cook your nuts first.
8. thejoey - November 8, 2010 8:16 PM
Eh I just saw this on the news. It's old news to anyone with a brain. Basically the same idea as "wearing briefs instead of boxers lowers your sperm count." Your balls have to stay at a colder temp. than the rest of your body to efficiently make little men.
THAT"S WHY I GO COMMANDO!!! (and use a desktop).
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10. Cristhegeek - November 8, 2010 8:27 PM
No one has said first yet so ....first!!!
11. Usagi - November 8, 2010 8:41 PM
Silly doctor, computers are not special, any elevated temperatures would do the same thing, besides, sounds like the problem is temporary. Ice water anyone? :)
12. nathan - November 8, 2010 8:54 PM
@7 if thats true they should teach that in HS reduce teen pregnancy with only mild discomfort
13. JJtoob - November 8, 2010 9:28 PM
Any word on PC vs Mac results? I bet that would end the war for sure.
14. Domino - November 8, 2010 9:40 PM
So what's being said is that all the people too stupid to use computers are the ones that will be reproducing, thus thinning the gene pool even more...
I swear we are doomed to see a real life Idiocracy.
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16. timmy the dying boy - November 8, 2010 10:32 PM
Meh. This doesn't concern me any more, for more reasons than one.
17. Klinger - November 8, 2010 10:42 PM
@8 - THAT'S WHY I DON'T WEAR PANTS!
18. j-breezy - November 8, 2010 11:38 PM
You doin' wrong GW. Who actually uses a laptop on their lap anyway? If I wanted to sit down I'd move that five feet to my chair and use my desktop. In bed, laying down, head propped up with two pillows with your laptop on your stomach is where it's at. Mini fridge next to the bed and BAM! No reason to even move.
19. darryl - November 9, 2010 1:54 AM
I KNEW IT. I am not just crazy. My nuts always feel uncomfortable after putting my laptop on my lap for even a few minutes. It's an awful feeling.
20. THE SHEN - November 9, 2010 2:15 AM
More propaganda to get us to stop blogging, writing, expressing our ideas- I SAY FALSE STUDY, MORE GOVERNMENT FEAR TACTICS
21. Migosama - November 9, 2010 3:48 AM
Does people still put laptops on their laps?? that's so like 10 years ago...
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23. atheistgirl - November 9, 2010 7:36 AM
I don't have a laptop.
Or testicles.
http://www.asianfoodgrocer.com/blog/Octopus_Testicles.jpeg
24. Ludo - November 9, 2010 7:42 AM
HAHAHHAAHHAAHA
Oh my god... I have doing that for 8, 9 years?
25. ApesInTheWhiteHouse - call Orkin - November 9, 2010 7:52 AM
That's what's inside Obomma's coconut head. crushed dried up peanuts.
26. TheBillClinton - November 9, 2010 8:40 AM
Cute - but unless they come out with a laptop bigger than an old VAX11/750, I ain't worried; 'cause that's what it'd take to fry mah boys. heheh
27. Jonathan - November 9, 2010 8:42 AM
I'll bet it was dangerous hitting up Google with the search terms "laptop" and "nuts" in the same query. haha
28. JChief - November 9, 2010 9:19 AM
A modern man's balls can't get a break any more. If his balls aren't being stomped flat by a girlfriend/wife than his laptop is roasting them.
When people bust my nuts, I always tell them to get in line and wait their turn.
29. Robalot - November 9, 2010 9:49 AM
It's cooking my nuts? Oh thank God! I thought I had herpes!
30. McFeely Smackup - November 9, 2010 9:49 AM
@ 29
Not as easy as hitting up "laptop", "nuts", and "your mother".
just sayin
31. Jonathan - November 9, 2010 10:00 AM
@32: Another direct response to one of my comments? That's like the tenth time or so in the past week! Aw, I must be your new focal point on this site, how sweet!
32. Richard McBeef - November 9, 2010 10:24 AM
@33
It seems that it's your Mother who is the focal point. LOL!!
33. Jonathan - November 9, 2010 10:25 AM
@34: It sure would be a nice change! She's lonely most of the time... sad, sad woman...
34. fajas - November 9, 2010 10:33 AM
now this is one way of using those old laptops around the house.
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Can occasionally smell braised calf...
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37. Dr. Schlong - November 9, 2010 3:35 PM
I have been pouring hot wax on my marbles for YEARS!
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