Nov 11 2010STD Testing: There's An App For That

std-phones.jpg

That's right ladies and gentlemen, scientists are currently working on a way to run do-it-yourself STD tests on your cell phone. Awesome. I bought a 99¢ app and all I got was the clap. Hey that rhymed! And so does this: Caring means NOT sharing. BOOM -- STD slogan central over here!

Doctors and technology experts are developing small devices, similar to pregnancy testing kits, that will tell someone quickly and privately if they have caught an infection through sexual contact.


People who suspect they have been infected will be able to put urine or saliva on to a computer chip about the size of a USB chip, plug it into their phone or computer and receive a diagnosis within minutes, telling them which, if any, sexually transmitted infection (STI) they have. Seven funders, including the Medical Research Council, have put £4m into developing the technology via a forum called the UK Clinical Research Collaboration.

Hell yeah, pissing on your cell phone! Who hasn't been there before? Also, because I'm such the tireless public servant, I stayed up all night developing my own foolproof cell-phone based STD test. Wanna give it a go? Cool. 1. Remove your cell phone from pocket 2. Access phone book 3. Are there any hookers' #'s in there? Yes = you definitely have something. No = you might have something. 4. Pee on all the buttons.

Mobile phone kits to diagnose STDs [guardian]

Thanks to ultrapony, Valerie and Gunnit, who sell STD tests out of the back of a mobile food truck during lunch hour. Wait a minute -- this is just litmus paper!

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Reader Comments

FIRST.

The joke is on YOU

converse all stars.... when you absolutely no sense of fashion at all

Just peed, spat, and came all over my phone. That app didn't tell me a goddamn thing!!! What?...What's that you say about a computer chip??? WOULDA BEEN GOOD INFORMATION TO HAVE ABOUT 5 MINUTES AGO!!!!!

Ah well, MY bad. Guess I should've read the entire post first. Feel pretty relieved nonetheless. Now then...where'd I put those wetnaps??!

you're funny, guy

Blastphemer, you make a lot of masturbation jokes. It's people like you who make me ashamed to masturbate as much as I do. On the subway. On my smartphone.

People pay me $5 to watch.

Apophallation is a commonly seen practice among many slugs. In apophallating species, the penis curls like a corkscrew and during mating often becomes entangled in the mate's genitalia. Apophallation allows the slugs to separate themselves by one or both of the slugs chewing off the other's penis. Once its penis has been removed, the slug is still able to mate using only the female parts of its reproductive system.

Dude, that picture of the dude checking out his cell is GREAT. Looks like the results of his STD test aren't good. "Shiiiit, how do I have 10 different kinds of syphillis?"

That's me in the picture. And it was only nine kinds.

welcome to :
===== http://www.jonathansstd.org ======
This is a jonathan paradise
Jonathan!!

@12 LOL-gag. @6 too.

Awesome! This opens the door for a great new Pokemon themed trading game! Collect as many as you can! Aidsmon VS Herpizard.. Aidsmon wins!!

Already have a STD test on my phone. It's called " take a picture of my penis and send it to everyone on my contacts list."

YAY Chatroulette!

Yeah, and post it to facebook! xD

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