Another Day, Another Jackass Dressed As A Superhero Robs A Store: Batman Does McD's

Apparently Batman (who's a known fast-food thief) robbed a McDonalds in San Francisco last night. Why San Francisco? Because he and Robin retired there to ride rainbows to their hearts' content. But apparently the dong-loving duo have fallen on hard times. Double entendre, I'm counting it.

A man wearing a Batman mask stormed the restaurant at 522 El Camino Real around 9 p.m. and demanded money from the restaurant manager, police said. He fled with an undetermined amount of cash from the restaurant's office, police said.

The one-time hero seemed in desperate condition. Apparently struggling in this economy to make monthly payments on his slick Batmobile, the Dark Knight fled the crime scene in a silver, 2-door Honda, police said.

Question was also raised about Batman's dental insurance. The restaurant manager told cops that the masked robber wore "false vampire teeth" during the raid, police said.

God that's depressing. What's next, stealing electricity? Because I do that. My neighbors never use their balcony so I ran an extension cord from their outside plug right into my living room. They pay every time I use my entertainment center! Plus, even if they do find out they won't tell because I've already threatened to kill them several times. In song.

Batman hits bottom, robs McDonald's in Belmont [sfexaminer]

Thanks to John, who doesn't do fast food because he likes to take his time and chew. Chewing, HA, you're so 20th century. Now, where'd I put those cheeseburger pills?

• Man Robs Banks By Threatening Detonation Of Nuke

  February 29, 2012

  A man in the Washington, DC area has successfully robbed four banks after slipping tellers a note that says he'll detonate a nuclear weapon if they don't hand over the cash. I dunno, if I were the teller I think I would have at least asked to see it first. No word if the tell... / Continue →
• Rob An Australian McDonald's, Get Hosed With DNA

  January 23, 2012

  McDonald's restaurants (if you can even call them that) in Australia, having suffered from a recent spat of robberies (who the f*** robs a McDonald's? Taco Bell or GTFO), have teamed up with security firm SelectaDNA to install sprayers above its doors that will douse robbers w... / Continue →
• Thieving 'Ninja' Drives Car Through Apple Store, Runs Away Before Stealing Anything

  June 3, 2011

  THERE -- IN THE BACK BY THE iPADS! Some spaz, dressed as a ninja and driving a stolen Honda Accord, crashed the vehicle into the plate-glass front of an Apple store in Greensboro, North Carolina with the intent of burglary. Buuuuuuuut then got scared and ran away without steal... / Continue →