Sep 17 2010Weird, It Doesn't Look Magical: Rare Asian 'Unicorn' Spotted For First Time In Decade
First of all, whoever started calling this thing a unicorn obviously failed Mythical Creatures 101 because, and I'm sure you know this, UNICORNS HAVE A UNI-CORN. This, if anything, is a duocorn, which are far less rare (I've even seen them dead on the side of the road).
One of the rarest creatures on the planet has been sighted in Laos. The saola, which has been dubbed the 'Asian unicorn' despite being double horned, hasn't been photographed since 1999. The individual pictured above was captured and taken back to a small village, where it unfortunately died in captivity several days later.
"Died in captivity" -- HA! I mean, come on. Now I'm not saying somebody obviously killed it and ate its steak with the hopes of gaining magical powers, but I did just catch the redeye back from Laos and let me tell you, boy are my arms tired! Get it? Because I masturbate on long flights!
Rare 'Asian Unicorn' Caught in Laos [wired]
Thanks to Divo, TobyRaider, Romeo and Jesslyn, who agree its tears probably aren't even strong enough to make potions.
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Reader Comments
1. Sally - September 17, 2010 4:11 PM
But it's got two horns!
2. Alamander - September 17, 2010 4:15 PM
I'm a grown-ass-man, and I was still crossing my fingers and whispering "please let this thing be awesome" while the photo loaded up. I am let down. NOW I JUST FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE FOR GETTING EXCITED ABOUT UNICORNS
3. Asperflux - September 17, 2010 4:16 PM
Long last the robots!
4. Dishy - September 17, 2010 4:21 PM
Oh my god, double horned unicorn all the way!
5. Dishy - September 17, 2010 4:24 PM
Sooo, did GW just join the mile-high club? Does it count when you're flying solo?
6. ObamaPacman.com - September 17, 2010 4:30 PM
Laos, they FAIL at math.
7. Divo - September 17, 2010 4:33 PM
@Sally - that's why we have dubbed it the "duocorn" :)
8. naas (TRO) - September 17, 2010 4:44 PM
@Dishy so true...... it's DOUBLE UNICORN HORN awesome
9. mikey - September 17, 2010 4:45 PM
It would probably suck to get DP'd by that.
10. naas (TRO) - September 17, 2010 4:50 PM
it'd suck to get double penetration from anything mikey... I hope you weren't thinking donkey punch either
11. Al Gore - September 17, 2010 4:57 PM
I invented the Unicorn... this is obviously one of the unfortunate mutated Bicorns.
12. Tkarrde - September 17, 2010 5:04 PM
Why isn't it called a UniHorn? You know, UNI - HORN. Because it only has one (1) horn? Why CORN? I don't understand. Feels bad man.
13. naas (TRO) - September 17, 2010 5:04 PM
Balls in my mou-- hey a UNICORN!
14. mikey - September 17, 2010 5:10 PM
@10
Oh yeah, and that too. Don't want to be donkey punched by a Duocorn! And btw, you're the real naas right?
15. The only real Gay werewolf =) - September 17, 2010 5:23 PM
dude i was wondering where my shaved horned sheep went.......
16. Asperflux - September 17, 2010 5:53 PM
@12 Unicorn is derived from Latin unus 'one' and cornu 'horn'
Long last the robots!
17. mikey - September 17, 2010 6:04 PM
@16
Why can't we just derive it from English already? No one speaks Latin anymore. UNIHORN!
18. Ricahrd McBeef - September 17, 2010 6:13 PM
@16 And "Asperflux" is derived from teh Latin ANUS and DUMB, ergo, Dumbass aka you. LOLZOR!!
19. jim jones - September 17, 2010 6:19 PM
Um, try bicorn, not unicorn, idiots.
20. Txupa - September 17, 2010 6:25 PM
Fu****g as****s! humans suck so hard. hahaha let´s keep laughing until we get rid of all animals, we won´t be far behind.
21. naas (TRO) - September 17, 2010 6:44 PM
@14 most of the time.... yes
22. Drenix - September 17, 2010 8:24 PM
@19 That's right
http://megamitensei.wikia.com/wiki/Bicorn
"It is said that the Unicorn was born from a Bicorn and had once had two horns itself."
23. Joe - September 17, 2010 10:59 PM
This whole post neglects to mention why saolas are interesting. THEY HAVE FUCKING GILLS! On the each side of their snouts, saolas have three slitted scent glands that look just like gills, which led to the erroneous belief among native Laotians that they could breathe underwater. When they first heard them described, scientists thought they were a myth.
24. suomynonA - September 17, 2010 11:01 PM
If thats rare, then maybe shouldn't've (wtf "shouldn't've"??) ran over so many, and then reverse, teabag, and forward again. Sometime leaving a tirepatch.
25. poor duocorn - September 18, 2010 12:23 AM
Stupid ass laotians. That thing looks so miserable. It's RARE, therefore ENDANGERED and they capture one and take poor care of it and it dies.
26. steppenwolf - September 18, 2010 3:01 AM
God, I hate people. Why the hell is it that whenever people find some awesome specimen of nature they end up killing it? What's up with that?
27. atheistgirl - September 18, 2010 6:45 AM
Maybe they call it a unicorn because they're both really rare.
Maybe.
http://cheezpictureisunrelated.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/wtf_pics-unicorn-girl.jpg
28. Closet Nerd (◕_◕)┌∩┐my fingers smell like your mom...... just sayin - September 18, 2010 2:42 PM
my arms are always tired, and i don't even take long flights.... just sayin
29. Ed - September 18, 2010 3:31 PM
This story is really sad. What a bunch of assholes.
30. Mohammed Jr - September 18, 2010 5:18 PM
Allah does not like unicorns!11
31. Noes - September 19, 2010 12:56 AM
100 bucks says that that one was the last one on Earth.
32. d3r - September 20, 2010 11:23 AM
Dang, I'm becoming such a misanthrope.
33. raes - September 20, 2010 4:08 PM
its an asian unicorn, and it got 2 horns cause they cant count and understand euro mythology at same time
34. Laker - September 20, 2010 5:09 PM
Wow, someone needs to reintroduce the goat back to Asia...
35. Cynical - November 16, 2010 1:17 PM
Look, if Unicorns are Rhinos (like some believe), then they are both mono-horned and plural-horned at the same time, meaning that they have centralized horns, no twinning like a deer would, but they do have more than 1. Some bestiaries actually use a plural form of horn when referring to Unicorns.
http://bestiary.ca/beasts/beast140.htm