Aug 21 2010Giant 'King Koopa' Turtle Not As Extinct As Previously Thought (But Still Very Dead)


A giant-ass horned turtle (resembling Bowser) previously thought to be extinct for over 50,000 years may, in fact, have only died out 3,000 years ago. Break out the printing press, it's time to rewrite history books! Just wait till they find a live one.

Dozens of bones found in a 3,000-year-old archaeological site on Vanuatu [in the Pacific Islands] belong to a previously-undescribed species of meiolaniid, a turtle family that evolved 50 million years ago and resembled walking fortresses.

"This group of turtles is not known to have survived into the presence of humans. Now we can say that they met," said paleontologist Trevor Worthy of Australia's University of New South Whales.

The shell of one early meiolaniid species, known from fossils recovered in South America and named Stupendemys for its size, was 11 feet long and seven feet wide. The more modern Meiolania platyceps, found in Australia and Melanesia, had a relatively small five-foot-diameter shell, and weighed an estimated half-ton. All had armored club tails and horned heads.

Wait -- an eleven-foot shell? That's freakin' huuuuge. Listen, I love turtles as much as the next little zombie, but one thing's for certain: I wouldn't want one of these behemoths trying to crawl on my back and to fornicate. Get it?! Because turtles have sex so slow. This ass needs a rabbit!

Extinct, King Koopa-Style Giant Turtle Found on Pacific Island [wired]

Thanks to Jonathan, who may or may not be the actual "I like turtles" Jonathan. OMG -- lie to me if you have to!

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Reader Comments






First. Lol

sweet Mario in real life lol awesome


NO BACON FOR YOU CAUSE I ATE IT ALL... btw @6 you aren't even in the top 5

@6 haha

mario got yo finger dino bitch, that's why you dead.


Ermm..... "New South Whales"?? Sounds like they discovered more than one new species ! :)

Am I the only one who presumed this was a sculpture of a blastoise skeleton ?

Anyone else have a sneaky suspicion that humans were responsible?
I mean... 'cause we've killed off a crap-load of other species.

@13 haha no, you simply beat me to the comment

so they mistakenly thought it was 50,000 years old, but found out it's 3,000 years old.

looks like the Bible is gaining some credibility in the "How long the earth has been around" department.

If they made that big of a mistake, I don't see how 50 million years old on dinosaur bones could be a mistake as well :)

@16 - you poor, stupid, pathetic fool. Read the damn article. All previously discovered fossils/evidence was 50,000+ years old. Some bones have been found in a archaeological bone pile 3,000 years old. This is a trash pile of bones 3,000 years old, dummy, not fossils being redated.

If a museum burns down and is cleaned up/dug out of the ashes 2 years after the fire, that doesn't make everything inside just 2 years old. Even if your fairy tale book of non-sense stories says so.

Your fairy tale book is doing nothing but losing credibility in the age of the earth/universe and everything else on a daily basis. The ridiculous stories even contradict themselves. According to the bible the bible is wrong.

And just because you choose not to understand or accept reality doesn't make it not true. Grow up, story time is over. The bible is wrong and you would need to go back at least 65 million years for some steamy dino sex.

Fake! We all know that Pokemon are real, this is clearly a Snorlax!


Obviously stating the obvious here, but those suckers must have been strong as shit.


"New South Whales" hahahahaha WhereTF is that hahahahaha
Sister state to Whashington, Whest Virginia, Whyoming and Whisconsin.

hate to spoil the fun but thats not what the skeleton of a Stupendemys turtle looks like

@ 16 & 17

I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that "Daniel" and "Not as dumb as daniel" are the same person. Double troll, very interesting. Pretend to be a stupid creationist who gets his facts wrong and then pretend to be an personally outraged evolutionist (or Atheist) who in turn just spouts off Atheist talking points. Either way, you are trying way too hard....

why woman has no right to have a sugardaddy? and why guys can't have a younger women to spoil? I support all these.
____S u g a r D a d d y H u n t __C_O_M

@18 or maybe idk one of the several other pokemon that were actually turtles.
2: Wartortle
3: Blastoise

@26 Definitely not Wartortle. He doesn't have sunglasses.

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