Jul 8 2010OM NOM NOM!: Candwich Canned Sanwiches
You know what the problem with sandwiches is? They're too hard to transport. What they need to do is invent specially-sized bags to tote them around in. Oh they've got those? WHERE THE F*** HAVE I BEEN?! Anyway, if you're too lazy to make a sandwich or worry your canned Coke will flatten it in your Alf lunchbox, there's Candwiches. Canwiches are canned sandwiches (NOT CHEESEBURGERS) and come in PB&Strawberry J, PB&Grape J, and Barbecued Chicken flavors. I'm gonna get one of each and mush them all together! Then vomit!
In related news, a major financier is being sued for fraud after collecting moneys to invest in commercial real-estate loans, only to turn around and invest in Canwiches instead. Can you blame him? These things are gonna explode on the market! Possibly from botulism.
In all, Travis L. Wright raised $145 million from 175 investors between 2001 and 2009, according to the suit. He only invested $6 million in the kinds of things he said he would be investing in, the SEC says.
Wright also spent $15 million of investors' money for his own expenses, according to the lawsuit. Among other things, he bought a house formerly owned by an unnamed pro basketball player. And he paved his driveway using cobblestones imported from France.
Oh man, wait till those investors get their hands on him. They're gonna open a Candwich of whoop-ass on that bastard. Possibly even a six-pack. You hear me, Travis? You gonna be eating Candwiches through a straw!
Product Site
and
Sandwich-In-A-Can Financier Sued For Fraud [npr]
Thanks to Mike, who's trying to convince me to invest in his canned mashed potato business. Hmmm, I dunno.
Reader Comments
1. Shelbon - July 8, 2010 2:39 PM
LOL WUT?
2. UNO! - July 8, 2010 2:41 PM
@1 *busts out of chair* DRAW 2 SON!!!
3. Shelbon - July 8, 2010 2:41 PM
I really want to try those. I love when things that don't normally come in a can are manufactured in one.
4. Clayton - July 8, 2010 2:43 PM
fuck yeah
5. Shelbon - July 8, 2010 2:44 PM
@2 not gonna play uno. no way. nuh uh. you can't make...
*draws 2 cards* damn it, how'd you do that
6. m44_TheCatKiller - July 8, 2010 2:45 PM
you keep on switching between canwiches and candwiches
7. iethun - July 8, 2010 2:47 PM
Heh... american cobblestones just weren't good enough.
And I assume the actually center of the sandwich would be tasty, but where people always go wrong is the bread. Bread bread bread...
Bread.
8. UNO! - July 8, 2010 2:49 PM
@5 its all in the Sombrero, i told you in the last post not to forget it... *Pulls out a Red skip* Hahaha U wher all like "Yay its my turn next" but then i was like "haha not so fast" skipped you like the red headed step child!
9. poop - July 8, 2010 2:54 PM
i want to forcefully stuff my tiny wiener in that!~
10. naas=ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ٩(๏̯͡๏)۶ <- you - July 8, 2010 3:04 PM
I was thinking canned witch too for a second there
11. Robot Owl - July 8, 2010 3:07 PM
i'm not too sure if it'll be "ready to eat" like the can says
12. Gross! - July 8, 2010 3:12 PM
DO not WANT!
13. ayavalon - July 8, 2010 3:17 PM
On the plus side, they make womens work easier.
Go get me a candwich, woman.
14. Dishy - July 8, 2010 3:41 PM
This is too low-brow for me. I only eat sandwiches in a bottle.
15. ryan - July 8, 2010 3:41 PM
I want one. Not to eat, just to have.
16. Woman - July 8, 2010 3:45 PM
Throws candwich at ayavalon's head. HIT!
Do you want another honey?
17. Leftover - July 8, 2010 3:47 PM
I was thinking it should be a drink. A liquid sandwich, that way I don't have to chew.
18. UNO! - July 8, 2010 3:53 PM
@16 WHOA! Feisty... Maybe he wants UNO Mas!!
19. Brrrrian - July 8, 2010 4:00 PM
No Bacon Flavor?? Another poor investment decision by this dood!
20. Woman - July 8, 2010 4:00 PM
At UNO!, baby you better duck.
21. UNO! - July 8, 2010 4:06 PM
@20 oh you better believe i'll do much more than duck...Im going to dodge, duck, dip, dive and dodge again cuz im just that gooD!
22. atheistgirl - July 8, 2010 4:33 PM
It's amazing what you can get in a can these days.
Maybe they do canned cans!
http://www.japantrends.com/en/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/japanese-canned-bottled-water.jpg
23. SFE - July 8, 2010 4:34 PM
Meet single, rich cougars O N ___Match Riches // COM ___ that is the top one club for mixed love..
Meet single, rich sugerdaddy O N ___Match Riches // COM ___ that is the top one club for mixed love..
24. samir notgonaworkhereanymore - July 8, 2010 4:43 PM
If I had a million dollars I would invest half of it in Candwich stocks.. and btw, I just added Candwich to my dictionary, so that stupid red line can't taint the deliciousness that I know we'll be hearing more about.. I hate misssppellss.
25. Woman - July 8, 2010 4:53 PM
@ 21 ummmm, I do like a man with the moves....
26. psychedelicowboy - July 8, 2010 4:57 PM
Interesting--the home site is "service unavailable"!
27. SPECULATOR - July 8, 2010 5:32 PM
I smell a facepalm!
28. nameless - July 8, 2010 5:40 PM
Further proof that MOM DOESN'T LOVE YOU!
29. Calyster the add hater - July 8, 2010 6:52 PM
ok now what is the fraking shit they puted in the breed so it last indefinite and don't moist
30. mary - July 8, 2010 8:50 PM
I want to see the full BBQ Chicken can. The PBJ ones have free candy surprise! Does the BBQ Chicken?
31. ShuShu - July 8, 2010 10:44 PM
Yea...
I wouldn't eat these...
32. Laurenzio - July 9, 2010 2:01 AM
So these are gonna have to be stuffed into a metal tube for x amount of time until someone buys them and eats them...
So how many preservatives and nasties are in this baby to keep it fresh until you eat it?
I'll pass and... Oooh look a carrot!
33. nikky - July 9, 2010 6:04 AM
wow
34. AwardsCeremony - July 9, 2010 8:01 AM
@29- Post of the year.
35. BIGSAMPSON - July 10, 2010 3:30 AM
haha this is what made scottie pippen go broke lol
36. ppp - July 10, 2010 9:39 AM
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at—-** __Rich/ meet/ ing__D O T __C/O/M **—- nice and free place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.
Who cares!!! My boyfriend thinks the same with me. He is eight years older than me, lol. We met online at—-** __Rich/ meet/ ing__D O T __C/O/M **—- nice and free place for younger women and older men, or older women and younger men, to interact with each other. Maybe you wanna check out or tell your friends.
37. Unnamed Source - July 10, 2010 6:36 PM
@iethun
The bread is tasty. They went through many different recipes to get it right.
@Robot Owl
The Peanut Butter sandwiches aren't ready to eat, it's true. The PB&J comes in separate packages that you spread on after you open it.
@Brrrrian
Actually, bacon and cheese is a flavor that has been produced but will not be manufactured first.
38. clamdag - July 11, 2010 12:05 AM
its H'AMB!
39. Paldromanium - July 11, 2010 1:22 AM
Then Vomit lol!!
40. Nate - July 11, 2010 6:32 AM
Old food is old
http://www.trekneat.com/trekn-eat-produkte/produkte/katadynshopconnect/trekn-eat-snacks/tne-cheeseburger-in-der-dose/
Canburger!